I’m in a real quandary. I’ve been dating my GF for about 6 months, and it’s been going really well. We’ve both told each other we love each other, and we meant it. The sex is… wonderful. Really intimate and I get her off, and we are creative and passionate in bed. She seems to really enjoy it.
However, she said something as an offhand comment one time when we first started dating that I haven’t been able to get out of my head. One of the first times we had sex, she said “Wow I thought I was going to cry after I came, that sometimes happens. I think it’s a good thing.” Honestly my first thought was that the sex and/or orgasms she had been experiencing must have been incredible and that’s why she cried, and it made me worried and jealous. Because she has never cried during sex with me. So I asked her about this… and she’s had different answers. She’s mostly said that the sex that we have is the best she’s experienced, because of all the things that I do–kissing, foreplay, positions, the techniques i use, and she finds me very attractive. And I’m constantly looking for new ways to please her and she loves that. But when asked specifically about the crying she’s said that it only happens after orgasm sometimes, when there is heavy penetration. She also said that previously she was in some dark places, and that the release of sex was so much that it caused her to cry.
It might be apparent that this has somewhat taken over my mind and ruined my self esteem and general mental well-being… I can’t get the image out of my head of some other lover having fucked her better, and I don’t know if I can handle it honestly. Or if that even is the truth–when we talk about this, she is practically pleading with me not to worry about this and that our sex life is great and that she’s never had this much sex before. And the weird thing is, our sex life really is great–we have tons of sex, she is always horny, and really it’s me that has to keep up with her.
But I just can’t keep this image out of my head… to the point where I’ve picked fights with her, and now I’m thinking about leaving her. I mean I don’t think I can because I love her. But I live a tortured life thinking about this. She calls the whole thing a “misunderstanding”. At points I find it absurd–is crying even a sign of incredible sex (I think it is in this context, right?), or is this whole thing based on nothing and she was crying because of something else entirely? And am I being really selfish and entitled–why do I feel like I have to be the best she’s ever had? But then i think, no, that’s what I want from a partner and why should I compromise? Am I insane for fixating on this? Is this a rational reaction for someone in love?
6 comments
Bro You are thinking about this in the exact opposite way you should be. So what if she cries after it? Just be there for her. Whatever she’s going through you’re her partner. And you sound like a really good guy you’re trying to find ways to help her through it. Don’t let it consume you. Women are completely different emotional people, sometimes we can’t even comprehend the emotions they go through. We think it would be minor but to them it’s a huge deal.
It sounds like you love her a lot. So support her. Don’t make it about you. I know it’s hard but you can get through this.
You are sabotaging a good thing. Stop it. Take “yes” for an answer and, instead of trying to win a contest, focus on your own enjoyment a bit more. Women like that…
i just don’t know what to say. you’re insecure and can’t handle the fact your girlfriend had sex before she met you. god forbid she had good sex before you. also read the room “dark places that the release of sex made her cry” is a scream for empathy not misogynistic bullshit. i honestly hope she dumps you
Hi! I don’t think your girlfriend is lying
I was in a dark place for a few years and almost every time I had a good time in bed i could cry after. Sometimes during, so we had to take a break. When I got out of that dark place, the crying stopped.
It’s very likely it’s the same for her, I believe it is quite common for people in a dark place to cry a little after. Just be happy she is feeling better
Relax, you are trapping youself in logic questions.
If your girl says that few times she cries bcoz it feels good, doesnt mean when she isnt crying it isnt a good sex. And what exactly you mean when you say compromising? Comprising you arent the people make her cry when she already says she enjoys sex? It is your insecurity to make yourself believe ONLY she crying = the best sex
Just like some people they receive a gifts sometime they cry bcoz they feel moved sometimes they dont. And Doesnt mean they dont like the gift, they could love it but super happy and excited instead.
My spouse has fucked me 5 million ways to Sunday and I’ve never cried.
Either she embellished and crying wasn’t because of immense joy or it never happened at all and she just wants you to get over it and forget she said something.
Tbh this is a you problem and you may as well end things. It apparently will continue to haunt you and why sabotage an otherwise good relationship and torment yal both?
Maybe work on yourself and then get back together- not hating- I just think if you truly love her you wouldn’t be starting fights over something that she continues to tell you is a non-issue