I (M19) have a girlfriend and she struggles with insecurities so I always make it a point to give her as many compliments on her body/appearance as possible. Which is a thing that helps me a little because I am also very insecure about my own body. She has said previously that it does help her and makes her happy.
And she knows about me being insecure too, but she never makes any efforts to give me compliments on my looks or body, even though I have said before that that would help me a little. To be clear, I don’t think she should be complimenting me if she doesn’t like what I look like.
Furthermore does she rarely to almost never want sex, I almost always have to initiate it, since in the rare imes where she wants it, she doesn’t say it and gets mad if I don’t ask. But I am too scared to ask, since she turns I down most of the time and whenever she says she wants to it only feels like she does it so I shut up.
Lastly I want to add that she has said before that she sometimes feels like I am only with her for her body or sex.
Now I’m just in the spot where I keep feeling like she doesn’t like me physically or that she doesn’t like sex with me.
Thank you for reading and sorry if the text is a little hard to follow, I struggle with expressing myself a lot
4 comments
Well you have 2 options. 1- Fight for the relationship. Couples therapy. Try it if you got the expenses and try to come to a resolution. 2- Leave the relationship and find someone else more compatible with you.
If your both having insecurities about appearance, maybe join a gym or some outdoor activity that you can do together? On the sex front, you have to find a way to openly communicate your wants and desires “together”. You may have a higher labido than her and that can be challenging. Been married over 25 years and I’m still trying to figure out my wife’s desires. I did get turned down a lot “having kids adds a whole new dynamic to sex”. Even though kids are now in college, it’s difficult as I’ve always had a higher libido than my wife. We’ve had many discussions over the years. She just is not in to initiating. So we have agreed on at least once a week a few years ago, so It’s expected I will be determined to connect once a week. However mutual respect still has to play a major role. If my wife’s not feeling well or is tired, we might wait a day or skip a week. My goal is not to get just a but. I genuinely love my wife and enjoy making love. So, I always try to please her first. That means I put in a lot of effort. If I didn’t. We would most likely be in a sexless marriage. Some women still very much enjoy sex, but their upbringing never discussed sex or self pleasure and it can have long-lasting repercussions For my situation, wife enjoys sex, its just a challenge to get her in the mood! Good luck.
A LOT of guys feel this way. I’ve experienced it many times, even with women who were head over heels in love with me. I think the reasons are:
1. First and foremost, in the new relationship phase women tend to be full of lust, desire, and attraction and make a big deal of expressing it. So when that changes later on, we feel like they’ve lost attraction.
2. After the new relationship phase, a LOT of women revert to responsive desire. Which means however attracted to you she might be, she’s not really thinking about it or having those feelings until you get her to a certain level of arousal.
3. Men tend to obsess over their attraction to a partner, long past the new relationship phase, and go out of their way to express it. And early on, not only does she reciprocate that but she reacts very strongly to your expressions of attraction and desire. Later on, when her mind spends a lot of time on other things, the fact that you continue to shower her with lust can make her feel put off. The same things that used to make her melt now make her annoyed, and your gut reaction is to feel like you’re still invested and she isn’t.
The thing is, that’s just life. You can’t expect it to stay the same – if you still have a good, healthy sex life chances are you’re doing fine. Try to communicate your needs but with specific requests, not “I want you to be like you were before.” Because she can’t help that. But it doesn’t mean she’s lost attraction.
Maybe your gf isnt initiating bc she feels too insecure and “unworthy” of the sexual attention. I know it sounds contradicting, but your gf saying she feels like youre only with her for sex does show her self worth.
High self worth person in the mood: “hell yeah, my boyfriend thinks im sexy! I’m going to jump his bones”
Low self worth person: “i want sex, but im so ugly, but my partner is horny, they can’t possibly be turned on by me, i’ll be their sex doll to keep them content” . . And then they still dont feel attractive even though you are telling them how attracted you are to them, so their emotions fester.
She needs to work on herself. And you should tell her that you would appreciate receiving compliments.
Alternatively, she could be looking for a fight, have a low libido, or be checked out of the relationship. How does she show that she values you?