What sage advice would you give a guy going on a first date after a long term relationship failure?

41 comments

  4. Try to let bygones be bygones, It’s an era that doesn’t need to be brought up

    Ex’s, Issues from relationships e.t.c. don’t bring it up

    Make sure you spruce yourself up like you used to if you don’t remember how look into a new clean up routine to look extra nice

    Don’t put them on a higher pedestal above you as a result of the long term relationship failures, People will use that against you most of the time (and it *should* go without saying that doesn’t mean treat them like shit)

    And remember you got this King

  5. Do not refer to you ex as crazy or unhinged. Understand that you also hold responsibility in the break up. If the topic comes up, you can tell her you’re happy to talk about that future dates, but for this one you’d like to get to know more about her and her life.

    Also, keep the conversation going by asking relevant questions to what she is talking about, even if it’s something about her jewelry, purse, the decor, etc.

  6. Don’t immediately date, have some time to care for and explore yourself and to find the reason it ended.

    If you reflected on it and had your time, just be yourself, don’t hide yourself, you are perfect and the right person will acknowledge that.

  7. Don’t talk about your ex. Keep the date as low stakes, low obligation as possible. Try to have a relaxed and fun evening

  10. Don’t have sex too soon, and definitely not on the first date. You’re in a vulnerable position. Prioritize maintaining control, otherwise things can snowball pretty fast. (This advice is assuming that you’re seeking a relationship and not just sex.)

  13. Expect nothing expect maybe for it to be a trainwreck. Almost anything looks good in comparison. Realize rejection is better than wasting your time on something that isn’t going anywhere.

  14. In a comment. It’s been 6 years being single.
    My advice is, keep it casual. No going out of your way to impress. Meaning, no bragging, no bringing up irrelevant topics just to make yourself look good. Be yourself.talk about hobbies and interests. If they don’t share the same interest, only talk about them if they ask for more details. Show interest in their hobbies and interests, not overly interested, but ask for brief descriptions if it’s something you’re not familiar with. Treat them like a person.

  16. There are so many variables. I don’t know what you do right. I don’t know what you do wrong.

  17. Don’t talk about your ex. If it comes up, just say things didn’t work out and move on to another topic.

  18. Start fresh! Fresh page. Don’t compare her to your ex, don’t look for her to fill her spot, don’t expect her to fix you.

    She gets a new file in a new cabinet.

  19. Just enjoy the night. No pressure to find someone — but if something happens that’s cool too — but I’d recommend taking it slow

  22. Don’t bring it up unless directly asked, give a tl:Dr version and dont trash talk your ex.

    Realize this girl probably isn’t who you’re gonna marry so don’t be crushed if it doesn’t work. See it as practice for getting back into the world. Be yourself and relearn to flirt

  23. Just relax, try and steer the conversation to everyday things, ask more than you answer and you should be fine… have fun!

  25. If you’re going on a date, don’t go into it aiming for an intimate relationship. Treat it more like a hang-out with a friend.

  26. – Have fun.
    – Remember that there are 4 billion women in the world.
    – It’s “I hope I like her” not “I hope she likes me.”
    – if you are unfulfilled in other areas of life, sure those up before entering into a committed exclusive relationship. After my divorce, this took me a little over 2 years.
    – Learn from your mistakes and vet better.

  28. Just go out to hang and see if you click, as you would a friend

    If you like her, then you can start to focus on developing the relationship in the following dates

  29. Not a fail, just a First Attempt in Learning.

    I was married for 10 years, I am very happily married again, it can work out. You just have to be kind to yourself and them too. Dating is hard!

  30. The end of a relationship isn’t a failure.

    It means that relationship needed to end. And it did.

    Not every friendship, familial relationship, or romantic relationship will last until your death. Some will die with the other person. Some will die with you. And some will die on their own, while you both still live.

    If you killed the relationship, then maybe you should find fault with yourself. But it can also be natural to grow apart, discover other needs, have boundaries, etc. You can need things that a relationship prevents you from having. You can discover differing values or grow into other faiths, politics, and philosophies.

  33. Don’t bring up your past relationship or ex. Focus on having fun and being in the moment, don’t worry about where things might go.

  35. Keep it light and funny and have no expectations. Just talk and get to know her a bit better. No heavy conversation.

  38. Don’t pressure yourself to jump into the next thing, and don’t expect this girl to be your ex.

    The hardest thing I had to adjust to when I was in your shoes was remembering how to be in the early stages of a relationship again. I’m a much better “boyfriend” than I am a “date,” and it took a while for me to reel myself back in.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like