So it’s a pretty long story. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. From the very start, things didn’t really go as planned. Things seemed sorta rushed. I had planned to get to know her more before I decided to try to ask her out, but her sister found out I liked her and told her. The next time we saw each other was at a quince practice we were both part of, and her friends all knew and they made it this whole thing and recorded her admitting to me she liked me back(it was this whole middle school typa stuff) which I already didnt like and made me uncomfortable. I was about to go home when her sister stopped me to ask if we are dating now and I said no and she pretty much I wouldnt say pressured me but convinced me to go ask her out then and there so I did. Although we were together by then, she would hardly talk to me. She would be super shy, and she would never start a conversation or even try to, let alone be anywhere next to me. I tried talking to her about it but I had to do it over text since that’s literally the only way she would really talk to me through the phone, she would just say its because she really likes me and I make her nervous, etc. I understood. I totally got it cause she would make me feel the same sometimes like you get those butterflies and get nervous, so I just decided to give it some time, we did barely start to date so I knew itd take time for things to unfold. Fast forward a few months, and a whole lot of crap happened. First of she had this “guy bestfriend” which I got to know a little and everything seemed fine, until I found out after this quince we were part of, he(the guy bestfriend) tried to get her to cheat on me with him. She never told me until about 3 months later because I found out through a friend. I talked to her about it, and it also appeared that her “guy bestfriend” also was her ex boyfriend that she dated right before we got together, like 4 or 5 months beforehand. I didn’t really know how to feel. She kept both of those things from me, and it all hit me at once. She used to hang out with him and goof around with him, and it hurt quite a ways to figure that out after all that I saw them do around each other. I eventually forgave her, and we got back on good terms. Later on, in around 1.5 years into our relationship, she started to get upset at me for having female friends and girls on social media. She didnt want me to talk to any girls at all, or follow any and so I removed them off social media and I did keep some because I asked her to do the same thing with her guy friends because she had multiple as well but she didnt. She removed some but not her close ones, so I understand, and then she got upset that I kept a few that I was good friends with even though she did the same. I met her guy friends and I instantly knew they all had a thing for her and I told her but all she would say is “they arent like that” meanwhile she would say that the girls I was friends with were “snobby and hoes” that probably want me to cheat on her with them. Even though it was nothing like that and half of them were in relationships of their own. Eventually, one by one, her guy friends proved my point. One started calling her babe, and she kept him around even then. Another started saying he’s gonna kiss her, and another said he’s gonna “f her.” She finally believed me and removed got rid of them for good, and so did I with my female friends just to be equal, and I do have to say I am not trying to sound like im alll innocent and havent made any bad decisions, I did. I became careless a bit because of everything that happened and I talked to some girls behind her back, not as in cheating but my female friends I had, and turns out she talked to guys behind my back to, some of her old guy friends. We both messed up a lot, and we both forgave each other for everything. So I also did have my bad moments. But then another obstacle comes in. Her family/household. They are incredibly toxic. They affect her mental health, and she is depressed because of them. It gets really draining for me to help her. I love her, and I always try my best to help her with what she deals with but overtime its gotten very draining to the point ive gotten depressed because of first of everything that happened in our relationship and 2nd helping her out is draining. Her family uses her constantly and controls her. She always cleans the house and cooks, etc. She even takes care of her sisters baby while she goes out to party. My gf is rpetty much raising a child that isn’t even hers. Not too long ago, her family tried to manipulate/control me. Theu kept telling me I have to do this or that constantly. Like “I HAVE TO” get close to them and get to know them and spend time with them. They did a whole bunch of other things and said other things to me and my gf. After everything they’ve done to my gf and after trying to manipulate me and our relationship, I hate them. I want absolutely nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. To do with them, I dont even want to hear about them. I’ve talked to my gf about it, and she said she understood. She told me she planned on moving out as soon as she could, but she can’t(financially unstable, doesn’t have a job, and is going to college soon) she told me she wants to completely leave them behind but visit her dad once in a while since he has been the nicer one sometimes but I havent told her that I dont even want to do that either if one day we end up married. Mot even for a second do I want to see them. I grew up with loving parents, and I am forever grateful for them, and they helped me not fall into their manipulation to get me to do what they want. They even accused me of cheating just because I’d leave early when they showed up. I would go see my gf and only her then if they come out I leave. My gf understands, and her mom and sister would constantly accuse me of leaving to see another girl. It was incredibly annoying. Now today, it’s gotten to the point where I hardly ever go see my gf because one of her family members is always home and is super nosey and never leaves us alone. We can’t go out cause her “rules” we can’t really do much at all and that’s where ai live its cold and is a small town that only has a walmart, and that’s really it. So I hardly see her and dont even go over much anymore. It sucks but now im getting more and more carless because of how our relationship kicked off with her doing what she did with her guy friends, etc. Oh, and about her being shy around me, it has barely started to wear off. For about almost 2 years, she’s been quiet around me. I honestly have no idea what to do now. I feel lost. Because a part of me loves her and thinks I won’t be able to find another girl who’s understanding and loyal because of how relationships are nowadays. But another part of me is unsure and thinks maybe it’s best I leave. Another thing is if I leave Im afraid she might do self-harm or possibly commit. She’s told me time and time again that if she lost me, she would lose herself, and she has admitted to me. She’s done self-harm. So I dont want to leave and have the guilt of that on me. Sorry, that is indeed very long, and to believe that I left out a lot more crap that happened, that’s the shortest I can make it to add the more important parts in. And I know it might be seem like one of those “oh theyre just kids relationship” I honestly really want a good opinion or advice on this situation please and thank you to whoever takes the time to read this.
TL;DR relationship seemed rushed, one-sided, I hate her controlling family, and we both have messed up.