Hi, I (23f) recently started dating my boyfriend (21m) maybe about 3ish weeks ago. Things are great between us so far, however there are some awkward complications when it comes to sexy time. First of all, I’ve noticed he is the type to be done once he finishes and kinda leaves me high and dry. It’s very unfortunate because I am very attracted to him and enjoy when we are getting down and dirty. He unfortunately doesn’t like to go down on women which is a very very hard sacrifice I’m willing to make, but if he isn’t going to go down on me I would expect him to get me off in other ways. However, that has not been the case. I have been more than generous when it comes to fulfilling his needs but I just don’t know how to express to him that he is not fulfilling mine. We have had sex everyday that we’ve been together and because of the lack of finishing on my side I’m still all horned up. Today I tried initiating it. I started going down on him and he finished within 5 minutes (which is a new record and a great ego booster). He asked if I was expecting more, I told him yes and he said he was sorry to disappoint. We cuddled for about 20 minutes before I started fondling him some more in hopes to get him to fuck me. I thought a good 20 minutes is enough to recharge. However, due to the awkward angle I was at, I wasn’t really getting anywhere and he got up and went to play his games. How do I feel more comfortable in expressing my needs and being blunt enough to just tell him I want him to fuck the dog shit out of me and that although I enjoy sucking him off, I’m not just doing it to just do it? I need him to understand my intent. I am really setting myself up for failure here. Any tips or advice?
5 comments
Bounce
“I need him to understand my intent” – how is he going to know that? Men are not mind readers.
I am going to be totally blunt here….YOU are responsible for your own pleasure. If you want to do adult things, you need to use adult words. You need to ask for what you want or nothing will ever change.
Coming from married almost 30yo male to my 29 yo wife, make sure communication is open before you get serious in a relationship. You should feel comfortable enough to just speak your thoughts. If it’s not a serious relationship, honestly go elsewhere imo
It is very important. Prev rels of mine have failed because we were unable to express our needs to eachother.
For both of us we were too shy and insecure/embarrassed to. We each waited for the other to initiate and no one did.
So just forget about being embarrassed, remember that they’re (supposed to be) your best friend who you can be casual with. So whatever you say will be chill, if it comes out awkward the worst consequence should be you both laugh. But you both must communicate or it wont work. So just do it, get talking and you’ll see it will improve. If you cant talk, find someone else
I’ve found that these kind of things are easier to talk about sitting next to, not across from, your partner. Also, don’t do it in your bedroom, maybe on a park bench or something. And a little alcohol might help you get the courage to actually start the conversation.