(TL;DR
I’ve been cheated on a lot and now I’m scared of and distrust my partners no matter how much I love them)
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I’ve had a hell of a dating life, going from guy to guy over the years with these hopes and dreams of a long-lasting and committed, faithful and closed relationship.
I always felt like I never asked for much, really nothing at all. Just for someone to be there for me and love me the same way I do.
Every single time I’d be manipulated, cheated on, lied to my face or being generally dishonest. It’s felt like a neverending cycle and it kills me inside.
I notice now that I’m extremely cautious about the people I date. I’m always afraid of them, whether consciously or subconsciously. I always watch their online statuses intently to see what they’re doing. I don’t stop the people I date from hanging out with their friends or anything, but I’m always analyzing every time they do or every little thing they say.
I’m always on edge, and it doesn’t matter how much I love them, I’m still scared it’ll end up the same way. I’m called insensitive for that assumption, and yet also not supported or given any understanding from their side. I’m not even sure if I’m in the right to ask for support.
I’d just like some help here, because I’m tired of feeling this way.
2 comments
It’s gonna be alright. Just think about what all those previous partners had in common in the early stages and then avoid them in the dating scene. Unfortunately you will not know what they think and can take their words at face value or not because relationships are a risk. All you can do is minimize your risk.
Something you mentioned would already be off putting to me personally. If I voice my concerns due to what I have experienced and they do not at least listen to my perspective or make an effort to at least communicate something other than “you are insensitive” (or anything similar), I would just drop them like a bag of rocks. Communication is key in long term relationships, if that fails then the relationship fails.
I really think you ought to research relationship attachment theory and learn your attachment style. I think there’s something to it, for sure. You may be anxious avoidant.