I was just wondering if some of you could share your experiences meeting close friends in your mid-late 20s or beyond? I’ve always had a hard time making friends and I feel like the number of friends I have has slowly dwindled over the years. A lot of people seem to have met their friends in highschool/university, but I had a pretty toxic group of friends in high school who I quickly drifted apart from after leaving. Recently my best friend, who was also the person I would spend most of my time with, left the country and pretty much cut everyone off. It’s been really hard since she was someone I was used to hanging out with every week. Another one of my friends is moving to another state next year as well. I’ve just been feeling really lonely lately, especially when I look at my brother or the friends of other people I know and see the close friendship groups that they have.
I guess I’m just wondering about some of the experiences you guys might have with meeting friends after school/university. And maybe some tips about the best ways to put yourself out there as well. I start my first full time job next year after graduating from university, and I’m hoping to make some friendships with my co-workers (and I know it’s definitely worked for some people I know) but I know that really depends on the people you work with.
I feel like I’ve had ups and downs with friends my whole life and I’ve always been hoping for things to get better, but they never did. When I try to make an effort and put myself out there it seems like it never works, or that I’m always the only one actually trying to put in effort.
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There’s a lot of advice already out there on this subject. And the advice is annoying and feels generic, but it works. There’s not really any “tricks”. Google:
> how to make friends as an adult site:reddit.com/r/socialskills
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To add on to any advice you might find, I would say that you’re not starting from 0. Does the person who’s moving to another state next year have any friends? Have you ever been introduced to any of them? Is your brother nearby and could you side-saddle on any of his friends?
Usually the issues are one of the following:
1. Sourcing (search query above will answer this–hobbies, classes, clubs, adult sports leagues, etc)
2. Building (do you often meet mutual friends but then say “hi” and don’t really chat? Or do you meet someone in a class/hobby but you never do anything outside of that activity?)
3. Maintenance (Do you consistently reach out or do things with friends? Even if you’re not losing friendships, you’re missing opportunities to meet mutual friends or meet people at activities)