Okay so bit of a complicated situation. Back in September I got out of a 3 year relationship(only relationship I had ever been in – he was my first everything and I had never been with anyone else other than him at the time).
Right, before anyone judges me for moving on too quickly and says I need to be alone for a while first: it was a long distance, toxic and emotionally abusive relationship which almost got physical. Between March – September I only saw him 3 times for a day at a time, because he refused to see me more despite the long distance only being a 2 hour train ride. I mentally checked out the relationship back in April due to the nature of toxicity. I’ve very much been on my own practically since March.
Okay continuing – about 2 weeks after the breakup my flatmate tried to set me up with her friend who I’ve known on an acquaintance level for coming up to 2 years now. He tried to flirt with me the first time we ever met but I shut him down as I was in a relationship. So we met again at this party in September at his flat. He told me he was 2 months out of his 2 year relationship. And I guess we both saw an opportunity there. He was a proper gentleman to me that night, tried to get to know me better personally, gave me his jacket when I was cold, danced with me and told me I’d be a good girl to wait for because I said I wasn’t ready to jump into anything yet. I messaged him to thank him for his jacket the next day, and the conversation just flowed – he asked me out. We dated for a couple weeks. It was very intimate and very romantic. In hindsight that’s probably because we were both rebounding and craving that intimacy again. Then we slept together, sort of. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say that night he went very quiet and seemed upset. So I finally got it out of him and he said he didn’t know if he was ready for a relationship yet, that he didn’t know whether he was over his ex. He said he likes me a lot but when he got in it all suddenly became real. We had a long, very respectful and emotional conversation on both sides. We agreed to staying friends because we get on so well and didn’t want things to be awkward, because we knew we were gonna be bumping into each other at parties again anyways, we’re in the same friendship groups.
I saw him again about a month later at mine and my flatmates Halloween party. It was a bit awkward at first, and then we just hit it off again. Flirting, he was teasing me, danced together etc. I don’t remember much from drinking too much that night, but my flatmates and their boyfriends all told me the next day that he definitely still likes me. Anywhere I went, anyone I spoke to, he was constantly looking, couldn’t take his eyes off me and would always find an excuse to speak to me when he noticed me speaking to another guy.
Didn’t hear from him again after Halloween, but I knew I was gonna see him again at our Christmas party. I also found out him and his ex were following each other on instagram again so I mentally clocked out of it and convinced myself he was seeing her again. Suddenly he started liking my stories(which he’s never done before) and he messaged me once about a drawing I had done and posted on my story, but that was all. My best friend then convinced me to go out with her boyfriend’s best friend. I did. Then at the xmas party the guy I was seeing and the new guy were there. The guy I was seeing spoke to me a lot. He turned up on his own(never does this, always has his friends with him because he’s shy). We caught up a lot. Spoke all night. He still remembers all the small details. Then he tells me he’s not with his ex anymore and he has no feelings for her anymore. It felt like it did when we were first dating. And I felt myself falling for him all over again. He did see me with the other guy. But I’ve had to end it with the other guy because it was getting abusive. So anyways he’s been messaging me quite a bit since the party and liking all of my stories. Last time I spoke to him I asked for advice on the abusive relationship, and he helped me out a lot(his dad is a police officer). This was a couple days ago.
Now idk where I stand with him, because it feels like he still likes me. But he’s really shy. I was the first one to make a move the first time we spoke. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to do that again. I know we’re having a party again on the 21st of January, so i probably won’t see him till then. How should I play this? Because I know I’m gonna beat myself up about it if one of us doesn’t at least try. The attraction is there, the friendship is there, the emotional connection is there. My flatmates think it would be a huge shame if we didn’t try again. They literally said “lara we’ve been friends with him for almost 4 years, and we’ve never been able to sit down and had a chat with him the way you two do”. They always say it’s a match made in heaven, but I’m so scared of rejection again, I don’t know if I should let him make the first move or if I should just go for it. And even if I did, how do I go about it?