I (24f) have been friends with a group of five girls (24f) for years. Some I have been friends with for 12 years and others 7-9 years. We were in a friendship group throughout high school. It isn’t just a group dynamic that that I am clinging onto, I am close with each of them individually and there are some that I introduced to the group. I invited them all over for a barbecue and a swim in the pool last night and the way they were treating me has just made me feel so icky today.
Firstly, they all showed up together hours later than we agreed upon because they were having pre drinks at one of their houses? This makes no sense to me because pre drinks are usually done before going out somewhere that you have to buy expensive drinks. I was sitting there waiting for everyone for three hours.
Then they kept making me the butt of the jokes. Which I am usually okay with but I was clearly frazzled and stressed about hosting and they just kept hitting where it hurts. At one point in the night my partner started vomiting and was unresponsive so I had to tend to him while they just continued to party outside. Then I was cleaning up the kitchen a bit and I heard them all talking about how they want to leave and the girl who I consider my best friend literally said “Are we leaving now? Please get me out of here.”
I just felt my stomach sink because they were only here for a couple of hours, less time than they kept me waiting. They also left the place in a mess and as they were leaving I saw them take all their empty cans and bottles out of their esky (cooler, chilli bin, idk what other countries call them) and just left them by the side of the pool?
Last week I also invited my best friend to come down on the 27th (today) because its gonna be a hot day and she locked it in. Then last night she tells me that she’s going to the beach with her other friend and I mentioned the plans we made, but she responded with “I might come after I don’t know”. As if I’m just a layover to her. I’m just so confused as to why she thinks I am happy to just hang out and wait around for her.
I messaged a different friend to see when she’s free next and she just opened my message and didn’t respond.
I’m just so upset and frazzled by all of this. I feel so rejected and unwanted and it’s just brought me back to when I was a kid and my friends would be better friends with other people and I would just be on the sidelines. This isn’t even just emotions, I feel physically sick at the thought of my friends thinking of me as just a second option. I don’t know what to do but I just wanted to get this off my chest because my partner has heard enough of my complaints.
TLDR: My friends showed up hours late to an event because they were all pre drinking together, were rude and treated me like they were forced to hang out with me when they finally showed up.
2 comments
“Firstly, they all showed up together hours later than we agreed upon because they were having pre drinks at one of their houses? This makes no sense to me because pre drinks are usually done before going out somewhere that you have to buy expensive drinks. I was sitting there waiting for everyone for three hours.”
A lot of people just don’t have respect for others time. Beware of Fairweather friends, even if they are long term. I don’t have much foresight in this, seeing as I’m in a similar predicament, but it’s not worth sitting around, best to just go an do something and move on. A little over 8 billion people around these days, that’s 8 billion potential friends, enemies, loves, etc. Godspeed 🙂
Take it at face value – as open hostility. I don’t know why their group dynamic evolved that way suddenly and it sux. I am sorry. These things can happen for random reasons – someone gossips and lies, someone is jealous or something.
If you are individually close with someone and you trust her, you can ask her what she thinks happened. But if she won’t have reasonable answer, it is better to stop considering them friends I think.