Me (25m) and my gf (24f) have been together for over 2 and a half years and both live together. On weekends and when we’re not at work, my gf tends to have a nap in the late afternoon whereas I don’t really nap often. She wanted a nap today while I was sat watching tv and playing video games in the living room. Normally she’ll go to the bedroom to nap but today she said she was going to nap on the sofa in the living room.
I was fine with this until she asked me to turn the tv down a lot or use a headset so she could get to sleep. I told her if the noise was an issue she should use the bedroom since that’s where she normally goes anyway and she won’t really be able to hear the tv from there. She started getting annoyed saying she just wanted to nap and couldn’t because of the tv so again asked me to turn it down. I refused because I don’t see why I should when she could have easily gone to the bedroom to nap. She got annoyed and said she’d only asked me for a small favour.
I just don’t see why she couldn’t nap in the bed like she normally does and why her having a nap should disrupt what I was doing. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle the situation?
Tl;dr my girlfriend got annoyed that I wouldn’t turn the tv down when she wanted to nap on the sofa instead of the bed. Does anyone have any advice?
39 comments
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Jesus both of you stop acting like high schoolers
If you guys can’t handle this, i can’t imagine how you deal with actual problems in the relationship. I’d drop the “I’m right and they’re wrong” mindset.
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Maybe today she wanted to nap next to you to feel safe, did that cross your mind?
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This sounds childish in my opinion, just turn the TV down it’s not that serious.
Don’t mess with sleep. Emotions are disregulated in the pre and post sleep states. This means you feel extremely angry and unhappy with anyone who messed with your sleep. If you can’t deal with a girl falling asleep on your lap, and deal with it – either STFU – or find some way of *taking care* of her so you can do what you need to… learn it!
this just sounds like a guy who cares more about his games than turning down the TV or charging their headphones so that their girlfriend can nap near them. you’re not even trying to compromise with her, you’re just shooting her down because you care oh so much about your video games.
Grow up ffs. First world problems.
I was married to a man who would be disrespectful. Have the tv loud, laugh loud, purposely wake me up and laugh about it. It’s very annoying trying to sleep when someone won’t stop being loud.
You could have turned it down. Do you really need the tv loud? You could have simply turned it down. Does the noise make it exciting for you….?
She also could have went in the bedroom. When I was with my ex I would lock myself in a different room to sleep. She could have just went in the bedroom.
You are both in the wrong.
This is a place you both need to be flexible. GF needs to be willing to move to a quiet place for her naps. You need to occasionally wear earbuds while gaming and watching TV.
If this simple compromise can’t be achieved I don’t hold out much hope for the big issues in life.
It’s possible that she wanted to be close to you, but if that’s the case she needs to communicate. I’m assuming you share expenses, so you have the right to use the room as much as she does. Living rooms have noises, if she wants to nap there that’s the risk. You could have used headphones just to be kind, but it was rude of her to expect/demand it.
Don’t get married (together) ur not going to make it
YTA-She probably was really tired and didn’t have much energy to think about it
Next time, just turn the TV down… you realise now that this simply wasn’t worth the headache.
On a deeper level, clearly she wanted to spend time with you, she probably said she was gonna take a nap on the sofa because she wanted you time but she also didn’t outright want to tell you to stop gaming and pay her attention for fear of seeming needy. You not suggesting you stop what you were doing to do something with her is probably where you went wrong in the initial place.
The fact that you didn’t turn the TV down so she could sleep is where you just compounded the earlier error.
Lesson learned: Either next time; stop playing games and suggest doing something together OR turn the TV down and be a bit mindful/respectful of the fact that she is trying to sleep. Literally, I get that she could go to the bedroom but it’s not important enough to fight over it because here you are asking Reddit why she’s mad and what you can do to make up for it… On that note;
Go and apologise for being an asshole about things – regardless of if you believe you were an asshole the woman will not rest until you apologise and accept the blame for this so surrender now rather than find yourself on the no sex til easter list.
Gotta be able to compromise in a relationship
There are people your age married and raising children together and this is what you’re posting about asking for relationship advice? Grow up man.
Sure, she could have gone to a different room, but she didn’t. And maybe she should have but either way, sometimes we have to make compromises in relationships. It really wouldn’t have been that difficult to turn the tv down or grab some headphones and maybe watch something on your phone instead. My boyfriend is the napper in the relationship. Every single time I notice him drifting off, I’m going to grab my headphones so I can quietly entertain myself. Even if he could easily nap in our bedroom instead…I don’t mind him wanting to nap by me. On a rare occasion I’m able to take a nap, he will ALWAYS turn the tv down for me.
Dude. You weren’t in the wrong. She chose to take a nap while you were using the TV so she has to deal with the noise the TV makes. As for advice, i just recommend leaving it alone before it turns into an unnecessary argument
Turn on closed captions if watching cable, or subtitles if you were watching streaming services. You can turn down the volume a bit so things like explosion SFX aren’t super loud or jarring if watching an action movie, and if it’s just people chatting in a drama or comedy, it can turn into white noise for her, but you can still follow along.
I see your point completely but if my bf napped next to me where ever it may be I would be the one to ask of i should turn down the volume. Even when he says the volume doesn’t bother him i turn it down or use headsets. Its called being considerate towards another person.
Like seriously you could have just put on headsets.
What was wrong with you grabbing the headset??!
You’re both petty.
Wow, this is incredibly low-stakes and I’m surprised you put this petty crap on the internet
I agree with you. Not sure why everyone is getting on you. The tv was already at a low volume. If the noise was disrupting her she should’ve went to the bedroom. I don’t really understand the whole “maybe she wanted to sleep next to you” thing like it’s not a problem any other time and plus they sleep together every night.
This is just something you naturally/ automatically do for your partner, like relationship courtesy. I don’t think it’s something that needs to be an issue. When one partner wants to nap in the same room as the other, the other will usually turn down what they’re doing or be a little quieter so they can have a good nap and vice versa.
I’m with you on this, she was being selfish.
If I want to nap, I won’t stop my partner being able to do the things they want to. Napping in front of the TV stops you using it without a headset. My girlfriend is huge into music, I live in a one bedroom flat, if I choose to nap in the living room then that stops her listing to music, playing guitar, watching TV…. She’s be forced to move stuff to the bedroom, which I would be guilty because I hate being selfish.
You should’ve just quit the game and went in the bedroom on your phone and saw if she still wanted to be out on the couch.
If she got up and followed you or got annoyed that you left the room what she was really trying to do was take a nap with you around as a way to be close to one another without actually interacting. People do this sometimes but it does come off annoying if they enter your space and want to change any aspect of it. I feel like it’s the want to ask you to compromise for them to show that you care. I hate when people do this because it may cause situations just like this. It’s weird.
Pfft my man would never even question that request
Yikes, just turn the TV down. Much easier than someone moving if they’re comfortable for a nap
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You don’t extend common courtesy and she gets irritated over an issue she can easily fix herself. It reminds me of siblings arguing, but not as adults. You were both wrong in some way and if this is an actual issue for either of you, maybe reconsider the relationship and definitely living together.
I sometimes play my games on silent/low volumes when my son is napping or even watching his own things (I’ll play on the computer while he watches TV) or I’ll use subtitles because I can’t hear/understand what’s happening regardless of volumes. Just because I can’t necessarily hear things, doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. So, the staring at the walls in silence things is a bit dramatic imo.
It sounds like you don’t want advice, suggestions or another opinion; just validation in not turning the TV down. It is one of those things where either one of you could have just done it because it honestly is not a big deal. But the fact both of you were too stubborn, says a lot about how well this relationship is gonna go.
Being in a relationship means compromise and communication. If you really enjoy your time by yourself so much, then it’s time re-evaluate boundaries and communicate.
I agree with OP. Even though it sounds petty these are the sort of things that build resentment in relationships.
It’s common sense, if you want to sleep and the TV is too loud go to the bedroom. Simple. Living room – TV,
Sleeping – Bedroom.
I feel like she probably just wanted to nap near you
That’s why she didn’t want to go to the bed. I understand your point, I really do, but be flexible.
You both should be against the problem, not choose who is the problem and fight over it
OP, I have read a majority of the comments. The person who is inconsiderate is your spouse. Im sorry you are being dog piled here, but reddit and subs like this are not hospitable to cheaters, men, and non custodial parents. Take what is being said here with a grain of salt.
You did not ask her to sleep in a ditch, to leave the house. You compromised and said go sleep in the bedroom….where sleep happens 100 percent of the time.
Tread carefully in your relationship…she is showing some pretty irksome behavior
Pick your battles. Do you want to die on this hill?
Is there any chance she just wanted to nap near you? Sometimes I fall asleep easier if I am near my husband. So I imagine it hurt her feelings you weren’t willing to accomodate her.
You’re right OP that you shouldn’t “have” to turn the TV down, but look at the big picture. Does she ask this of you all the time? If not, wouldn’t it be better to do a small kindness for your partner and inconvenience yourself just this once?