it’s always just felt like this thing that I needed to do in a relationship to make the other person happy. it’s just always something expected of me. I think there’s only ever been a handful of times that i’ve wanted to with my whole body. and now when I think of the fact that I have had sex or think of myself in a sexual manner, I want to tear my skin off. I think me doing it for everyone else and not me has really messed up my how I feel about myself and look at myself.
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The first step towards a solution is always to notice that something is wrong, don’t you think?
This realisation you just had, do something good with it. Let something awesome come out of it.
Because, girl, you have just raised your own standards.
That simple, if you boil it down. You have raise your standards.
You now want, expect even, more. You want something more. Need something more.
Use that realisation to ask yourself the question that needs to be asked: does this mean that you have been hunting for the wrong type of people all this time? Or hunting the wrong way? Do you get attached to the wrong type of people? Are you…uh…accepting worse partners than you deserve?
Take all the steps necessary to get WHAT YOU WANT. To be fair, that CAN sometimes be to give your partner something awesome. But not all the time.
Sex should be mutual, or on average mutual, or something like that. It should be for you. It should be for your partner. Preferably at the same time, but it’s also pretty common to take turns so to speak.
Realising a pattern and trying to break out of it is the first step. Now figure out what you want to do with that realisation. Where you want to end up.
Thinking about others pleasure is not something bad, it’s actually a characteristic of a highly emphatic person. When we can get into a vicious circle is when we don’t actually have an equilibrium in what we give for others and what we have for ourselves.
As human beings, caring about others is something that we recently are avoiding, however if you can do it, it’s amazing, just don’t leave yourself behind and learn to please yourself too, to know your body.
There is nothing wrong about doing the things that we want or like as long as we don’t hurt others, so it’s ok to looks for ways to get rid of anxiety and enjoy yourself.