I am actually pretty good at socialising. I like people and I like hanging out with them. However, after hanging out with people, I often get this feeling that that was not “okay” at all! I acted inappropriate, it was inappropriate that I even invited them/was invited in the first place.
Even if everything seemed all right and I (at the moment) thought I had pleasant conversations, I still feel this fear wash over me at the end of the night when I get home by myself. You know what I mean?
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I can relate to this in so many ways
I get that, I get a sort of social hangover a lot too. Like I have a great time and everything goes well but, I get home and then all of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about the one thing that I did that was awkward or uncomfortable.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome)
Maybe you are trying to be perfect. Sounds like the inner judge or critic. It may be the voice of an authority figure- dad, mom, grandparents from the past.
That voice isn’t you.
“A job/interaction that is done is better than a perfect one.”
I get mentally tired after socializing for extended periods of time. It’s as if I secretly can’t wait to be alone. Sometimes I feel like people who go through addictions or tough experiences, have a tough time pretending to be normal. After all, I am an addict. Blending in is what we do best.
I get this feeling where like, I don’t know how to explain it really, like my bones feel funny? It’s almost like I feel weak, like other people took all my energy for themselves lol
Yeah I can relate. That’s why I don’t socialise lol.
Same. I just always feel like I did something wrong after socializing with people. I almost feel guilty for no good reason.
Specifically in high school, I remember crying after getting back home from hanging out with friends. Not every time, but it happened a few times. I wasn’t with friends often.
I’m now quite certain I’ve always had social anxiety and an intense fear of public speaking (always cried uncontrollably the night before), but crying after supposedly having fun didn’t make sense even as it was happening.
Looking back, I think I was subconsciously extremely tense the whole time and felt like I couldn’t be myself. So, being home without the pressure to be fun and not weird resulted in a release of tears and emotion. Pretty fucked up.
It is as if everyone dies alone,.
Does that scare you?
I don’t wanna be alone.
That’s called shame. Were you raised to either entertain guests, pay closer than normal attention to their well-being, or otherwise keep your personal life private (“hush” family mentality of not airing any laundry)?