My friend is overbearing – what do I do
My friend (f33) think is she has the right to know what I am doing at all times, gets jealous if I am travelling (whilst she is working) or gets upset if I don’t talk to her for 2 weeks. Keep in mind I am not in a good space right now due to divorce and depression and really not able to give my all to everyone at the moment.
She gets upset if I say one thing but change my plans (which don’t affect her at all) last minute. I tend to be very spantenious and go on trips last minute. For example, she invited me for New Year’s party but I said I will just take it easy and spend time with my parents instead. However, my parents encouraged me to do something else so I decided to go overseas for a week instead. Now I am dreading telling this to my friend I am going away because 1. She will get jealous that I am travelling 2. I said no to her party and said I will be with my parents but instead going on a trip.
It’s so freaking exhausting constantly explaining and justifying myself. Just let me be, let me deal with my life, stop judging me for everything.
It’s getting to a point where I am dreading seeing her or answering her phone calls. I am so exhausted by this. How do I deal with this?
tl;dr a friend is overbearing and needs to know what I am doing at all times. Any changes in my personal plans seem to be a personal attack to her. I am constantly justifying and explaining myself. What do I do?
3 comments
You need to set boundaries. “Hello [friend], I cannot spend all my time with you and I need to live my own life. That means sometimes my plans change and sometimes I do things without you.” See how she reacts to this. Her reaction may make or break your friendship. And regardless, is her friendship worth this constant stress? Consider that.
Yup, I agree with the boundary setting. If she fucks off because she doesn’t like it then she’s not a friend worth keeping anyways. A good friend respects your time, space, and needs.
Take some time away from each other. No contact for a year and see how much of a friend she is.