I was dating a man going through divorce (he has 2 kids) for 8 months. Yes, I know that was a bad idea. It’s never been consistent/commited and he’s wishy washy but I did develop feelings over time. He has met my friends, treated me well (when we were together) and the attraction was strong. We just went on vacation a month ago. He paid despite my offers. I did all the planning. We got along like normal and had fun. During the trip he did say he has feelings for me. Then after he totally ignored me. I asked what’s up when he missed my bday. He said he’s having personal issues and it’s not me. A couple more weeks passed and I asked if we are over and he just said yes with a sad gave and no explanation. I tried asking, and called and he is radio silent. Finally he replied saying it has nothing to do with me and I was always fun. So if I was always fun why end it? This rejection is so random and hurts like hell. Has anyone been through similar? I am missing him. I am no contact as of now and he does not reach out at all anymore.

10 comments

  2. Sorry you’re going through this OP. Your first sentence was what stood out, going through a divorce which I’ve come to learn nothing good comes out of it. We can’t help who we are attracted to and just have to move forward, which I know is easier said than done.
    Use these days to focus on yourself and don’t reach out. Silence is a form of communication from his side. Whatever wasn’t meant to be just closed off at the end of the year. New year, New beginnings

  3. He was never looking for anything serious. I’m sorry that he’s being a jerk. It’s over. Time to move on.

  4. Man, that sucks. I’m really sorry that you’re hurting, and what an immature way for him to end things after so much time seeing each other.

    Obviously I have the benefit of hindsight and being an outside observer (it’s always easier to see things when your own feelings are not involved), but given that:
    – He is going through a divorce.
    – You say it has never been consistent/committed.
    – You say he has always been wishy washy.

    The ultimate outcome doesn’t seem like a huge surprise to me. I think you should take the time that you need to be sad, and feel your feelings, and grieve. And when you’re ready, I think you should take some time to think about whether wishy washy behavior should be a red flag for you in the future, and whether you’d be willing to raise your own standards for how you expect to be treated by a partner. I assume you stuck around because when things were good, they were good! But, while no relationship is perfect, I think you can fairly expect more consistency and dependability from a partner going forward. And if you think the person has a good excuse for being wishy washy (like the divorce), I think it’s also OK for you to decide that you’re not willing to stick around for it, valid reasons or not. It’s always good to be understanding, and I bet you had really good and caring intentions here, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own needs indefinitely.

  5. > He… treated me well (when we were together) 

    Isn’t this the same guy who lied about his divorce?

    And who continually made ugly comments about how women who are unmarried and childless at 40 (like you) are sad and unattractive?

    I know it’s hard to reconcile the person we really liked with the person who knowingly treated us poorly because it benefited them to do so.

    But girl, you really need to work on reconciling that. Because putting him up in a pedestal and clinging to this fairy tale of how he was SO GREAT until suddenly things ended OUT OF NO WHERE is just making this situation harder and more confusing than it needs to be.

    You really liked him. Presumably he had some really good qualities. But he also showed signs of deeply unhealthy, self serving behavior. Maybe the issues behind that behavior is why things ultimately ended. It’s totally okay to feel hurt or disappointed by that, but it’s not something that reflects on you.

  6. Nothing you wrote sounds like he was really interested in you as a person or serious about you. I know it sucks, but he have you all the warning signs that he wasn’t really into you.

  7. [For those that are curious, OP has posted about this break up in about 30 threads over the last month.](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scorpioandginger/) Including multiple threads in the same sub within 24 hours of each other. This feels more like getting into rule 7-9 territory and karma / pity fishing, rather than looking for actual advice (which has been given **many times** in all those other threads they posted)

    Edit: Lol OP blocked me for calling them out. That’s certainly one “mature” way to handle it.

  8. Yup they do that… never never never mess with a man going through divorce… I can almost bet my life he is with his wife and probably just not happy, I hate saying this but you were used and these men typically don’t even have the balls to tell you or explain, once your rose coloured glasses come off you will see him for who he is, best luck GF Xx

  9. all I want to say is I’m sorry and that sucks. People are so thoughtless. If a guy I was dating took me on a fancy vacation I would absolutely think that meant something serious.

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