I [F23] was lied to by my bf [M23] of 8 months and as a result he decided to unfollow her on instagram and unfriend her.
They’ve known each other since elementary school and have occasionally talked on Instagram and met up once in a while since they got close just before we started dating. I had a trip to another state 4 months ago and he had asked me while on this trip if he could meet up with her 1:1 for food. Although we had spoken about these boundaries before and I had mentioned we didn’t want each other going out 1:1 with the opposite gender, I said it was fine as long as they met in public.
This particular girl I was also a bit wary about because they used to go on very “date” like dates together and she fit very closely to his “ideal type” as he liked to describe it. She also wanted to meet mainly to talk about her new hookups and boys with him. But I said it was fine since he was lonely and they were friends. That same day I flew back and he told me they just met at the dessert shop quickly and they went their separate ways. I didn’t think twice about anything.
We talked about that day again a month ago, and he said they just met up at the shop, once again. Then suddenly a couple days ago, I found out that he actually picked her up and drove her 2 cities to go to the dessert shop together. Even though he said it was on the way, he lied about it and it crossed a boundary of mine that he was aware of but he lied because he didnt want me to worry. They had spent a whole car ride together and he even went out of his way to go to this dessert shop with her. I was very hurt by it and felt betrayed because even he said himself, he hated being lied to and stuff being hidden from him. While I was crying about that over our facetime, he decided to respond to HER message in the middle of our call which aggravated me even more.
Now despite him not having bad intentions, I decided to forgive him because he didn’t mean any harm. But since I also followed her on Instagram, I decided the best thing for me was to block her bc of the pain I felt seeing her in my social media. Although I didn’t ask my bf to, he noticed and did the same to prove she doesn’t mean anything to him.
Now I feel sort of bad because they were friends at one point and now his friend is going to think I’m a control freak despite the situation being not my fault. She also doesn’t know what happened so she’s probably confused once she finds out he unfollowed her. Should I feel this way?
TLDR; Boyfriend lied to me about his 1:1 with a female friend, he ended up deleting her on the one app they use to talk on because I did the same. Worried she might think I’m a control freak who doesn’t allow my bf to have female friends.
3 comments
If they were just friends he wouldn’t have unfriended her so leads me to think if nothing happened physically..mentally something did….maybe.
It’s a hard thing because while I do not think there is harm in meeting someone for meals etc but I would probably feel the same as you do lol…at the same time you don’t want to seem controlling.
It’s a very hard situation
His behavior makes it seem like he was dating her. I am not sure this is even about your boundaries.
I could be TOTALLY off the mark but his reaction to remove her seems a tad suspicious. It’s almost as if he did so to cover his own tracks or he realised he fucked up and he should cut contact before he fucks up again.
The whole driving across two cities for desert is wild to me, and it was “on the way” is also a bit odd.