Hey there, so my gf (24) and I (23) have been together 3 years and had sex for two. I love her to death, but I can’t help to feel that our sex life is lacking.
First, our sex drives are not very well aligned. She is on birth control and could care less about sex. I on the other hand would love to do it 3-4 times a week. I feel guilty asking for sex knowing that she doesn’t care about it? How can I help support her in this as she’s frustrated by her lack of drive too without pushing her too far.
Secondly, we really only have sex in missionary. In 2 years we’ve done doggy twice and that’s it. While I love the sex we have, it gets pretty stale doing our routine of fingering, me doing oral on her, and then missionary. I’ve asked her about trying other positions but she says that they don’t feel as good and she’d rather do missionary. How can I help ease her into trying new things with me without forcing her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with?
I don’t want them become a couple that has vanilla sex a few times a year. We’re both attractive and in our 20s now without kids. I feel like this is the best to get a great sex life established that we can keep building on in the future. Thank you for reading this post and any suggestions you have!
3 comments
I would suggest talking to her doctor to get a more suitable type of birth control that may not affect her sex drive as much. There’s a lot of options. Otherwise, find a partner who can keep up with you sexually or you’ll probably regret it later after years of mediocre sex.
Sexual incompatibility is one of the most common posts that show up on this sub and despite the unique details of everyone’s individual situation, the general “solution” are almost always the same.
**First, are you and your partner on the *same page* in regards to the importance of sex within your relationship?**
It’s telling that many of the people writing in often note that they have a difficult time speaking with their partners about sex, whether because one or both parties feel awkward/uncomfortable with those conversations. However, as practically any long-term couple will share: *communication is essential* to the success of any relationship, least of all around sex. No sexual mismatch can be overcome if a couple hasn’t discussed the role of sex in their relationship.
To be clear: people can want different things — this is most true around sexual frequency, specific acts, etc. — but compromises around those are possible when people are committed to working with one another. It comes down to whether *both* people want to make sex a priority in their relationship. If they can agree on that much, then many differences be worked through. If they *can’t* agree on that, the relationship faces an irreconcilable difference that can and will weaken the long-term health of that relationship to the point of disastrous collapse.
*So: have you and your partner had this kind of conversation? If not, why not? If so, what are the differences that have been difficult to resolve?*
Get her off birth control and use condoms and that will more than likely help her libido.
Buy the Liberator wedges for comfortable sex positions.