Waiting to get naked together? Waiting to define the relationship and/or integrate into each others’ lives? Something else?
Also curious how this changes with age. There was a time when having sex too soon would feel “fast” to me. Now, relationships feel “fast” to me if things feel emotionally serious too soon. Good sex is no longer a milestone, it’s a screening tool. What about you?
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I’m seeing a guy who said he wanted to go slow but he meant with sex. He changed his mind, we’ve had it twice, but he messages every day and it feels fast and now it feels like it’s getting burnt out. His messages are dull and feel obligatory, I suspect, because he moved way too fast initially with texting. We’ve only seen each other twice but I think meeting up to him means going fast while instead, it feels like a false intimacy was built and I don’t really know him. In essence, a mess. Don’t be like him. I already feel him pulling back because he went in too heavy.
I like sex up front as screening and weekly dates. We don’t need to text all day and we don’t need good morning good night etc. Maybe throw in some pics of their day once in a while to build intimacy. But holding off on sex/dates feels like the wrong move.
I just take it to mean that I shouldn’t be trying to escalate. Wherever it is we’re at, I won’t pressure to go further.
For example, here are some things I’d be thinking about if a girl I just started dating said she wanted to take it slow:
I might go in for a hug at the beginning or end of date, but I wouldn’t try to kiss. I might go for a hand hold if we’re walking, but that’s about it. I would NOT make any sexual jokes or comments. I’d be behaving myself as if it was a platonic friendship, and let her decide the pace at which it escalates beyond that.
I think it boils down to level of expectations.
Common courtesy, common expectation from any human.
Random texting, common expectation of friends.
Daily texting, should not be expected unless there is a connection.
Exclusivity, should not be expected ever, unless it is a mutual agreement. But when it is agreed upon, adherence to the agreement is expected.
What you expect from each other is where people start to draw their own lines when it comes to the speed of a relationship.
This is actually a very good question.
I think those initial conversations (during the first two/three dates), given that the conversations have an intellectual inclination, would give insights on what the other person’s previous experiences are, what they’re looking for, what they’re missing and most of all what their expectations are – all in general terms. I think those things will allow you to evaluate whether or not you can match the expectations or whether you’re even aligned with them to start with.
To me it means that someone is using their brain in place of their heart.
I used this phrase when I first started dating as I didn’t understand the process and was worried about committing to the wrong person
It means something different to everyone, depending on there past experience, current expectations and future goals and all them thoughts/feelings in between
If this phrase gets mentioned to me in the future, i’m going to launch a subtle line of inquiry to ensure we are on the same page, thanks for bringing this up for discussion – good question!
Bye, bye.
For me it mostly means physically and in relation to showing the relationship publicly. Some guys expect me to want to introduce them to my parents after a month or two, meanwhile I’d never introduce anyone to them unless we’ve been committed for a year or so.
Given that taking it slow really depends on the person, if someone told me they wanted to take it slow, I’d ask them what their idea of that was. To assume you both have the same definition of taking it slow is to invite miscommunication and to court disaster.
Taking the time to discover who we are and what we want from a relationship. In other words, courting before dating each other. Dating is in preparation for marriage.
Sex is off the table until we are official, but I will not be seeing anyone else. I would prefer to wait until we are married for sex but some women can’t wait this long.
I am focused 100% on her: finding out her likes and dislikes, personality, emotional/social intelligence, how she handles money, hobbies, morals, life goals, how she deals with adversity/challenges, how she manages family relationships and close friendships, living habits, mental/physical/spiritual health, how she treats those less fortunate than us and how she deals with her enemies or frienemies, communication style, love language, self-awareness, and outlook on life.
This takes time, usually a year or more, and I will gladly devote this time to a woman I am interested in.