It happened quite often in the past that me [f,32] after dating various men for a short period of time suddenly just couldn’t stand their presence. They didn’t do anything particular or anything wrong. It did not happen with all men like with my ex who treated me not too well. Or another ex who wasn’t too good to me either. It did happen to guys who treated me well.
I was seeing this guy recently [m, 35]. He was a really nice guy and we had a lot in common. I was dating him during a period of stress when I also went off the anti anxiety pills. We were getting along well when suddenly after 3mos it hit me and I didn’t want to see him again. I do think about him a bit because I’m not sure whether I did well breaking up with him.
I’m not sure whether the SRS it is something that will go away with time or is it a clear indicator that I would stop dating someone?
Thank you
P.
10 comments
Giving it a cutesy name doesn’t make this any less cruel. Please take a break from dating and find out why you’re repulsed by men who treat you well and fine with men who treat you poorly.
It’s not ok to hurt people like this, especially because you’re aware of your own poor behavior.
I doubt it will go away on its own. This seems like a job for therapy, which can help you figure out why you are pushing away these guys who seem like good people but keeping around ones who have treated you poorly. It could also help you figure out how to distinguish between SRS and leaving a legit bad situation.
Going off anti-anxiety medication would play a big role. Perhaps explaining you need some distance vs breaking up would be better next time?
First, I want to say this – you can break up with anybody for any reason you want. If you’re not into them, you shouldn’t be with them. Doesn’t matter how nice they are.
Sometimes there is a thing called the ick, and it’s hard to bounce back from. This is usually when a guy does something small but it ends up being a big turnoff, and suddenly you’re over them. It sucks, but it’s not uncommon.
This, however, sounds beyond that. I’d suggest working it out in therapy to see how much of this is getting the ick and how much of this is you deciding you don’t like men who are perfectly nice.
Are you sleeping with these people straight away?
I have this problem. Like the thought of the man makes me want to vomit. I’ve had this problem since I was a teenager. I looked back at all of the men I didn’t have this problem with and they were all emotionally unavailable and terrible to one. So I only have this problem with nice guys. Lol. I think it’s a severe avoidant attachment style
When, how or why did someone feel that it needed to be a syndrome?
Comp het?
Therapy
Look up fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant attachment styles. If your attachment style is non-secure, which it may be if this has been a consistent pattern for you, then no, it will not go away on its own. You are going to need to do a lot of inner mental work before you can successfully form a healthy long-term relationship. In the meantime, putting people at the receiving end of your unhealthy attachment behaviors is very unkind and you should not date until you understand your own contribution to these relationship dynamics and can at least change your behavior if not your feelings.
I say this as someone with a fearful avoidant attachment who has unfortunately hurt people and also been on the receiving end of a lot of hurt from even more avoidant people. Don’t hurt others please.