How do you handle women making a first move

37 comments

1. Patient? Wouldn’t that violate HIPAA laws? A man doing this to a women would be arrested.

2. At this level it can be slightly concerning. Sometimes they’re crazy and have this fantasy of who you are and get violent when you don’t live up to it. Other times it’s money oriented and they only care about money or some weird motive (drama) they can encircle you in. Very incredibly rarely is it positive outcome when someone pulls your personal info.

3. That’s the only type of women I tolerate tbh

   I love it

4. Why are nurses so horny?

5. Am I reading this right that someone accessed your medical files and personal data to make contact you in a personal capacity?

6. Flattered. But, I would decline. Im afraid.

7. With shock and excitement

8. Depends on if I find her attractive. If I’m attracted to her, then I’m down. If not, then hard pass.

   But if someone from a clinic got my information to ask me out, then I’d be creeped out and called the office to report it. There’s a time and a place, and this is not it.

9. You say first move I read red flag. If a guy did this to me I’d immediately report it.

10. I like it but then I like a dominant woman.

11. I mean, as a man, having women actively reaching out to me for a date is super unusual. Not gonna lie and say I wouldn’t be partly flattered. OTOH, she crossed ethical boundaries and there’s no shortages of stories about men who’ve done this which was generally viewed as creepy, dangerous, etc.

12. That’s predatory.

13. Given the fact they’re violating HIPPA, I’m leaning towards the weirded out side for sure. Context matters in this case and this wasn’t it.

14. Go with it. It does not happen often, so relax and enjoy the ride. Be aware of what’s happening, stand back and observe it. It’s a learning opportunity.

15. My gf asked me out. It was great.

    If someone violated my privacy to get my deets… I’d be out of there and registering a formal complaint. People who don’t respect boundaries don’t suddenly magically respect them later.

16. Love it

17. I am a health professional and can confirm this is VERY illegal.

18. Sounds dangerous and exciting, let us know how it goes

19. Laugh tell her sure see u there at 7.

20. I’d be flattered but there is no chance I’d go on a date with someone who did that.

21. Generally, I feel women making the first move should be more normalized/common. What happened to you though sounds very uncomfortable and invasive (and maybe even illegal).

22. What she did is illegal. Now, ask yourself if you want to get someone fired; in position to lose their license and in legal trouble because they have the hots for you. I know what they did is wrong but I couldn’t do that to someone.

23. So she found your contact info through an unconventional manner. Did she gather other info of your medical record or disperse? Or was it just your name and number?
    Honestly what’s the difference if people face stalk you or via instagram. It’s just contact info.
    I say give it a go – sorry in advance if she is a straight out nutter – but I assure you there are plenty of them out there far more stealth than this one.

24. I just rolled with it. The last time it happened, 45 years ago, I wound up married!

25. Let’s follow this hypothetical relationship and see how this plays out:

    We’ll start (and end) by fast-forwarding to the inevitable breakup and what other fun bits of information she pulls from your files to use against you.

    Hard pass in my book.

26. > They pulled my info from my files to invite me out somewhere.

    First, this is extremely illegal. It’s a direct HIPAA violation, and you need to start by filing a complaint [here](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/index.html).

    Second, if she has no problem violating your privacy and breaking highly enforced laws just to flirt with a stranger, don’t expect that invasion of privacy to end there.

    Third, I get the novel feeling of having someone make the first move and how amazing it can be, but this interaction is not worth it IMO.

27. Enjoy it, you have the power.

28. Imagine the roles reversed. It’s super creepy. I believe in not pooping where I eat. If my time going to this office was near the end I might consider it. Otherwise it’s a big fat no.

29. Here’s the deal…if this were the other way around…a man pursuing a woman he met while being in a healthcare provider role, and using his privileged access within his employment relationship to illegally obtain patient contact data to solicit a private encounter, nobody would assume anything other than, “That’s a clear and present danger and this is a stalker type situation brewing. Immediately inform this person’s employer and consider discussing it with the police.” But because the gender role “norms” are reversed, r/AskMen is supposed to view this any differently?

    This is insane. Don’t try to normalize it because you find her at least mildly attractive. If you didn’t, you would’ve not posted this and flat out gone with the proper first instinct, which is, “Ummm, no. Totally inappropriate.”

30. I am so tired of people who sit around waiting for me to make a move, I would probably drop my standards a bit for a person with that kind of confidence.

31. To snoop in files to get information before properly being introduced is a violation to your personal peace and privacy. She sounds very predatory if she couldn’t simply approach you as a friend and like you are a person/human. That’s like forcibly making you go out with them. I had a teacher who looked into my files who outed himself when I purposely flubbed my birthday to give him less information about me. He corrected me in front of the whole class and asked why I did that.

32. This is definitely a H.I.P.P.A. violation, if you contact their employer, they more than likely be fired. If they are your type and you think there might be something there, I would be flattered and go for it. They risked their job to go out with you, who knows where it could go.

33. This particular case? Weirded out. They accessed highly confidential info to ask you out. But other cases? I’d happily accept most of the time

34. I’d make a police report asap. wtf.

35. Be careful….. you may wake up in a strange place minus a kidney!

36. I wake up

37. Please talk to HR for approval first before you go out with her. Don’t forget to tell HR what you told us here. Don’t talk to her boss because the boss may be in on it.