HELP
I have a problem [25M], and I would like you to help me with different points of view to think if I am “stupid” in what I think. I’m sharing it here simply because I don’t have any friends to talk to about it and I feel like I need other points of view.
Summarized context, (5 years of relationship) my girlfriend [23F] had the idea of providing sexual services with the aim of obtaining a lot of money and quickly, this to be able to pay / buy her things, etc. So when she had this idea , showing me all the things that she could/we could do she asked me if i would be mad that she did that with, what she generates there. To this at first I replied that it seemed dangerous and that it would make me a little jealous, which she perceived as something “understandable” or not so problematic, then we continued talking about it, and I told her that she could try to go to the place and see if It is a good or bad option, but, she perceived in my face that I was not totally convinced of this, and that was really the case, but I had decided to accept it anyway; The problem comes when he tells me why i had that face (or something like that) and I tell him that I would still be a bit ashamed if he did that, that I can’t see it as something I can be proud of, or that I can tell someone about gladly. Precisely this point of shame is what bothered him a lot. “Are you ashamed of your girlfriend? Break up with me then”, It seemed silly to her that I think that, and that it was retrogressive to think so.
Finally, she mentioned to me again all the good things that she could do with the money, like helping foundations or those most in need, etc, and that according to her, despite all those good things, I would continue to be ashamed of her. “I didn’t know that in the end you are also a sexist”
End.
What do you think of the situation in general?
What do you think about what I think ? to be ashamed of that action?
Why Is it sexist to think like that?
I ask these things to have different versions and analyze my behavior to see if it’s not the right one to work on.
Have a good end of the year.
4 comments
Having a partner who is a sex worker isn’t for everyone. I couldn’t do it. Totally normal for you to not be ok with it as a partner. In that case you need to break up.
But at minimum don’t let her fool you into thinking that her doing sex work is about being able to provide money for foundations or to people in need. She could just as easily volunteer her time instead.
When 1 person changes the rules of the relationship the other person can decide they’re not staying on these new terms. Nothing wrong with that.
I doubt your partner wants to become a sex worker just to give money to charity foundations.
But regardless, it’s well within your right to not want to be with a partner who does that. It’s also within her right to want to pursue that as a way to make Elmore money. Don’t stay in a relationship and pretend things are fine if that’s not how you feel. Know that eventually all your friends/family will know about this, and you’ll likely have a lot of uncomfortable conversations around it. If that’s not something you want, then this might just be an irreconcilable difference.
I do not understand why halfway through your story you changed your girlfriend’s pronoun to “him/he”? This whole thing is much to confusing to understand. You say he/him until the last sentence in the paragraph when you go back to “her”.