[29M][25F] My girlfriend may leave me because my brother [32M] dates my old fling [30F]
Never thought I would be in this situation, but here I am. TLDR, my GF is going to dump me because I won’t move out of the city where my brother and his gf (who was first a casual fling of mine) live since I was previously involved with the aforementioned.
[29M] I have been seeing my gf [26F] for a few months now. We’ve known each other for years and since starting dating, we have become very close and want to pursue a serious relationship.
Long story short, she learned that my brother [32M] is involved with a fling I used to sleep with casually [30F] (I know, ugh). Also, he moved her into our apartment, essentially without asking. That’s another situation I have had to deal with.
Ergo, my GF is grossed out by the situation – which I understand – but has since retracted that she’ll want to live together with me even if I get us our own place. The situation really gets under her skin, and now she refuses to live in a city where I have business, connections and a lot of personal investment. I have told her that I can’t leave town over that, but she doesn’t listen to reason. It’s a total dealbreaker for her.
This whole situation bites. She’s someone I am really into and I was assured she felt the same about me, but I’m being effected now by something totally uncalled for and out of my control. And now it’s effecting my relationships. It’s discouraging and makes me feel like I have no control of my life.What say the people?
10 comments
Tell her it’s none of yours or her business who your brother dates. You don’t control that and are not going to get involved. If she still has issues, then dump her. She sounds like a pita.
If she isn’t willing to be a partner to you and you she is going to get upset with you over things you do not control, then it’s better you find out sooner rather than later, so you can find a real partner.
Wait, your brother blew up your spot with the former “fling” and then moved her in to the apartment you share with him without consulting you?? I think your brother may be the problematic one here.
I understand being weirded out by the ex fling being in your house, but the part about her refusing to live in a city where you have any connections is really going overboard
It is unfortunate, because it sounds like you have no control over who your brother dates. That being said, she had the right to want to avoid baggage and drama of this nature in her dating life. I personally wouldn’t stay in a relationship with this dynamic. It sucks for both of you.
Let her go, it’s too much for her to handle. I would want the same if I were her.
Firstly, I would definitely move out/get your own place. Living with an ex (fling or relationship) regardless of the brother dynamic will be a red flag in this or future relationships. Secondly as much as you may see a future with your gf had expecting you to move from a city because someone you dated at some point in your life lives there is insane. And I could see this behavior continuing and escalating later down the road in life so if you’ve only been dating a few months I’d say that’s a lot of drama already.
Honestly sounds like your ex is the tip of the iceberg for your GF. Y’all need to have a private conversation.
Your girlfriend is totally justified in wanting to get away from this icky situation (as should you), however the idea that a successful relationship cannot be had without relocating is ridiculous and quite frankly a red flag in its own right.
I think it’s great that she’s leaving and breaking up with you now.
It’s still early in the relationship (a few months in) and she recognizes that she can’t deal with you being so close and having to interact always with your former fling.
At the very least, she knows her limitation as a person/partner. It’s a blessing, really.
Sure situation sucks, but it is what it is. It’s not meant to be.