You guys, I really need help and support right now. I [24F] just found out the love of my life cheated on me this week. While traveling for the holidays, he met someone and has been in (extremely flirtatious) contact with them via snapchat for the past four days. I have a headache from crying and throwing up and I can’t even function right now. I need to know your experiences staying in a relationship with someone who cheated on you. How do you rebuild trust? How do you get past this? I’m so at a loss because I love my partner so much but fuck I am so broken right now.
13 comments
You don’t rebuilt trust, you simply dump his ass.
Umm, you get rid of the cheating loser!
If he cheats on you he’s not the love of your life, he only loves himself
First ask yourself, should you rebuild trust with him? Should you get past this?
No matter what you feel for him, he chose to put his own self gratification ahead of any feeling he had for you. He threw away the relationship. Its pretty obvious you caught him, he didn’t come clean to you out of a guilty conscious. Any remorse he will have will be due to him getting caught.
I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself. Take some deep breaths, and don’t worry about answers right now. Any decision you make in this moment won’t be rational, so don’t try to make one. Feel what you’re feeling. Be angry, sad, heartbroken. Please reach out to someone you love and trust for support.
Come back later and read responses here. Now isn’t the time. Sending you love and healing.
You don’t, stop crying and get mad that he cheated on you! When your done being emotional and done crying confront him when you are breaking up with him. If you confront him being emotional he can and will manipulate and gaslight you to control the situation and conversation. Stop crying and get mad about it and boot him to the curb
He’s not the love of your life. Your person would never cheat on you or hurt you.
>How do you rebuild trust? How do you get past this?
Building trust almost never happens. It needs an incredible amount of hard work, dedication and understanding over a very long time from the cheater. The problem is if the cheater was capable of doing this they never would have cheated in the first place. As for getting past this as long as you are in this relationship you never truly will. Best case scenario you forgive them but you will never forget and the pain will always be there just under the surface ready to come back an hurt you deeply when you least expect it.
The chances of successfully repairing a relationship devastated by cheating are so slim and the amount of effort it takes is so great that it is rarely worth the attempt. This is not a long term relationship with hard to sever ties (children, business, property, large debt ) it is not worth going through the extra pain and suffering. Do yourself a favor and move on as quickly as you can and start your healing process.
Nope never give a cheater a second chance to break your heart. You will never be able to get the thoughts or able to trust him again it’s best to cut him off save your sanity and find someone who has morals and won’t cheat I guarantee you will find one.
Staying together with a cheater isn’t going to get better. Let him go.
r/survivinginfidelity
I am sorry OP you’re going through this. You can look into this subreddit for some support.
The first thing required for reconciliation is genuine remorse and accountability from him. He has to take full responsibility for his own actions and apologize sincerely. No half-ass ‘ I am sorry you feel this way’ or blameshifting on you.
Next he’ll need to go 100% no contact with this person on all platforms. He also needs to give you anything you need to feel secure. That can include anything you want – pw sharing, location sharing, not hanging out with certain people etc. If he thinks any of this is too much, it wont work. Even after this you may realize its not working for you.
But I am gonna be honest with you though- i agree with the other comments to just leave. I kniw it hurts. Grief the loss of your relationship and find someone faithful. You’re only 24, don’t waste your life on a cheater. Building trust is one of the hardest things to do. And statistically, cheaters often relapse. You dont want to hold yourself hostage and live the next 30 years wondering if he’s cheating on you again. I wish you the best
You don’t build trust if it’s a one sided want. You obviously want to, but if you found out rather than he came clean, he doesn’t want to build back trust. This was no mistake.
You are seeing him as a person he is not.
Did he confess, or was he caught? I think that’s the biggest indicator of whether trust can be rebuilt. If he didn’t confess, he feels no remorse. He’ll do it again and hide it better. If he came clean on his own, because he couldn’t live with the guilt, then you may be able to work past it.