Background (skip if you want to)
I [F19] met my boyfriend [M18] in highschool and we were separated by US lockdowns. After that I met a boy [M20] named S. We started dating and for a year things went well but he always ignored me for hours and took naps all day to an unhealthy amount.
After a year I find my now boyfriend online and meet and eventually we start a poly relationship and are happy. Months later we all moved in together to get away from toxic homes when school ended. After I turned 19 and BF turned 18 he was offered manager position but I’d have to quit because of our relationship and position difference.
My boyfriend became a manager and I became stay at home because he needed a ride to work.
S continued to sleep all day in his room and ignored us constantly to the point where for our last month we fought daily with him because he was stealing our snacks (and money we find out later). BF liked to treat me a lot which kept us financially dependent on S.
After one day S left and only came back to get his still without telling us anything is when me and my BF grew closer. We thought we would lose the apartment and be homeless and he said he would rather go homeless with me then live with his family.
(Footnote)
(He proposed a few weeks later and I said yes)
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Story
When me and my boyfriend got broken up with by our partner S I was terrified because I had no family because I was adopted into a toxic house(grandparents). I thought I was going to be out on the street with no job because I was stay at home to drive my boyfriend to work.
He spent that whole night as I broke down crying comforting me.
A few days later I express my fear and he tells me he would rather live in my truck with me than leave me and go with his family.
Well I was in the process of looking for a job that will work with my changing hours as BFs ride we met another person named D. D helped cover the gap in our bills and we were at a stability we never felt before. We no longer lived paycheck to paycheck and would have a little money in savings.
Fast forward to today when my BF walks me over to the nail salon and gets my nails done.
I feel awful about it because I knew that money was right out of savings. I manage everyone’s finances and help with savings and bills so I had track of his spending.
He left for work and I broke down crying because he spend money on my nails and all he has for lunch then next 2 weeks is hotdogs because money is tight.
He spent the whole time in the salon on Pinterest picking out my nails for the next few trips and even found some “wedding nails” for me to pick from. He going to make a board for all the nails he thinks I will like but are expensive or uncomfortable and promised to get me whatever type I want.
I feel so awful he spend his money on me. I’ve been struggling to find the energy to do things and I just feel worthless. I help him in the little ways I can by cleaning the house and massages when he’s sore but I don’t feel like I can repay him for how he treats me.
He thinks I feel guilty because I grew up in a home where I was forced to do manual labor and was neglected any other time. But I still feel bad because he pulled it out of savings? He’s a responsible man and always gets our bills paid even if his check was smaller then expected he would fina a way to make it work.
My worst fear is people think I only want his money or I’m lazy because I don’t have my own job.
Should I let my boyfriend spend money like that if it makes so him happy?
TLDR
Me [F19] and my boyfriend [M18] have little money extra. I have to be stay at home so I can drive him to work and out only other source of income is our 3rd partner. We barely make enough for our bills till lately. BF got a raise and we no longer lived paycheck to paycheck. I feel guilty staying at home well he earns so much money. He’s used the extra money recently to spoil me to buy me nails. I feel incredibly guilty because he could have used the money for food or to get stuff for his electrolyte issues. He spent the time at the salon picking out other nails for next time and even “wedding nails”.
Should I let my boyfriend spend money like that if it makes so him happy?
9 comments
Is there a way that you and your boyfriend can pick something out together that does not cost so much money? It seems that the issue was that he wants to do something nice for you but this is too far out of his budget. Perhaps both of you can think of something nice that you can both do together. How about a picnic with some ramen noodles, for example?
I think that it would also be helpful for both of you to come up with date ideas that you can do for low or no cost. Maybe you can put them all in a jar and draw one out when you would like to do something special.
I am very confused why you need to spend your waking 18 hours at home so that you can spend one or two hours a day driving your boyfriend to work. There are different ways for him to get to work that won’t be free, but might be better for you so that you can start to bring in an income also. Perhaps he can take the bus, ride a bike, or even do uber.
I think that you are doing something here called setting yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm. Don’t do that. You matter also.
It also sounds like you don’t feel good about your position not working, so I would encourage you to find a position working. You really don’t have to find a job that fits the hours that you drive your boyfriend to work, I think that even giving him some money to get to work on the bus would help out your budget significantly with another person bringing in an income.
Get a job, immediately. This is unsustainable. You need to provide stability for yourself. A teenage relationship can’t be your sole source of stability and you certainly can’t rely on the viability of a poly teenage shit show. Your BF needs to figure out how to get to work on his own and you need to meet your obligations directly rather than relying on who ever is sleeping with you right now.
I can’t believe this entire post is about financial issues in a relationship because of fake nails…
Just tell him to stop spending money on the fucking nails. And to take the bus so you can get a job.
Can you not get a third shift job so you guys can at least have the car available?
Like, girl, you are one bad argument from a breakup and being stuck on the street. What are your long term goals? Are you doing college? What’s the plan here?
You’re too young to be financially dependent on a partner. Look for WFH data entry jobs, something in walking distance, but you need YOUR money and YOUR savings.
You need to find another job. End of story.
Y’all are not ready to be talking marriage.
Y’all need jobs, and cars. This was difficult to read, grammatically, and logically.
You need to job. It’s ridiculous to be a stay at home girlfriend. That’s not a thing.