I (F 23) am dating someone who is 35 (M). The most I’ve dated was 3 years older than me, but this is honestly the best relationship I’ve had. Do you think it’s weird??

37 comments

  1. It is the best relationship you had because with his experience he knows exactly which buttons to press at the right time. He is manipulating you even if he doesn’t want to.

    Do you have the same relationship goals?

  2. This is not good. And if you have to ask, it sounds like you know the answer and you just don’t want to admit it

  3. I think as long as you’re both open with each other and acknowledge you may both have different opinions and experiences, it’s OK. I suppose that’s true for all relationships though!

  4. The love of my life was 14 years older than me. We loved each other and were so good together. However, he broke it off after 3 years because I periodically treated him terribly with my green-eyed monster behaviors. That was 23 years ago. I still think of him from time to time, and wish I had healed my deep childhood pain when we were together, so we could still be together. Appreciate what you have with your man and cherish each other. It’s not easy to find what you have found.

  6. No its not weird my sister and his husband has a 12 year age gap and they’ve been married for 8 years now. It really depends on how you will work things out with each other as long as their is love and some leveling off I think its okay.

  7. I was 22 when I moved in with a 37 year old. I didn’t get to really experience my early twenties, as I was always trying to be on “his level”, maturity wise. I was always hanging out with people his age and to be frank, it was boring! Also, it was quite weird having him hang out with my friends, so I didn’t have a lot of friends my age.

    He always needed things to be his way, because he was older and thus more wiser, right? Always playing dad and trying to preach to me about life.

    You need to learn about life on your own, not through the eyes of someone who’s been there, done that.

    I left him when I was 26, and I am so glad I ended it when I did. It’s been a year, and I have been able to reclaim my youth with some fun friends I’ve met.

    Keep the age gap no more than 5, at least, that’s where I’m aiming now!

  9. It Doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. It matters what you and your partner think, and anyone in your close family relations. Thats it. no one else really matters.

  10. My gap is 14 years and honestly it’s going better than any other relationship

    Eventually you will realize exactly the extend of the gap but enjoy it while it lasts, I mean my bf has a few health problems that I’m not even close to getting

    However he never uses age or experience against me and that’s all I actually care about

  13. Personally I think age gaps shouldn’t exceed into the double digits but it doesn’t matter, that is me not yoy

  14. Ignore the people who say it’s weird. As long as it’s consensual and y’all are both happy it shouldn’t matter

  15. “12 year gap” isn’t necessarily a big deal. If you were 16 I’d call the police. If you were 18 I’d cringe. At 20 I’d raise an eyebrow. At 23 I wouldn’t think much about it. At 30 I wouldn’t notice it at all.

  16. When I was 25(M) I dated a woman who was 35. It was fantastic. She was fantastic in every way and honestly helped me mature. Chances are low you’ll marry this person, but you can probably learn a lot about them and yourself in your time together. That alone is worth it. As you get older you’ll realize what others think of your relationships is not important at all.

  17. There are can be exceptions, but generally, I think that much of an age gap when you are 23 is often problematic. Men that age will seek out younger women for very specific reasons, and they aren’t good ones. I would just be very careful and make sure that you’re not being pushed or pressured into anything that you don’t want, that he’s not isolating you from friends and family, or patronizing you and making you feel like you are young and naïve and he knows better so you should just listen to him.

  19. As a man here is my thoughts:

    A lot of guys have trouble getting women, even guys who have a lot going for them in many facets of their life. While they may prefer a certain type, age, etc, they don’t decide to commit based on if it’s a perfect match like other guys and women do, they decide based on whether they can simply manage being in a relationship with the particular woman.

    By and large though, regardless of their level of experience and ability to attract women, the majority prefer a younger woman.

    There is a social stigma with men who date older women (especially the 10+ age gap). There are some specific reasons why but I don’t want to distract from your original question.

    As far as large age gaps like your situation, I can’t speak for women, but men tend to think its beneficial for both the man and woman in this case.

  20. If I had my time again I probably wouldn’t have dated or married someone so much older than me in my early 20s. But that’s my experience. I’m nearly 40 now and am close to someone 12 years older than me and it’s a non issue

  21. I was in a similar age gap relationship. I saw him as smarter and wiser so it was harder to advocate for myself because I looked up to him so much and I never argued with him. It took me a long time to realize he was a pathological liar and he was taking advantage of me financially (amongst a bunch of other problems)

    I think you have to have a strong sense of self and be able to stand up for yourself. When we’re younger we tend to be more meek and quiet. As you get older you learn to be more assertive about what you want in life and what you don’t. Please take your time with this person. And don’t disconnect from friends and family. They can see things better from an outside perspective.

  22. Age is just number you have ideal when cupid going strike there 15 years difference in me and my girl she my best friend we hing out fir while then realized we were the best for each other both of hurt in relationships i see god match us with thinks is good for us sometime we go our way i call it learning then one come you know right away good luck to both of you

  23. The only reason it would be weird is if you care about what other people think about your relationship.

  24. Honestly, I am looking for a girl 7 to 10 years younger than I am. People my age group are slow and old and in my experience, if the age bothers you just have a conversation about the issue with him… I am sure it bothers both of you to an extent. What else you have to loose?

  25. Age is just a number. I’ve seen couples with Age gaps have healthier relationships than couples the same age.

  27. It’s weird to me, anyone under 25 dating someone 12 years older than them has red flags for that relationship as it’s most likely going to be a power or maturity imbalance situation. 23 and 37 is different than 33 and 47. If everything seems to going good for the both of you right now though then I’m not going to say you should break up.

    See where it goes, but be cautious. People don’t speak against age gaps for no reason.

  28. Not weird.

    It’s fine as long as there is nothing illegal going on and you are both happy together. Good luck!

  29. I was 23 and my Fiancé was 35 when we met 7 years ago. We are getting married in May and I have no regrets. We were in the same place in life when we met (at work) we wanted the same things for the future, and I (as the younger person) already had basically figured out who I am. These were all very important things to establishing a healthy relationship where there is a balance of power. I was previously with someone who was much closer in age but he thought with those extra couple of years he knew better than me on everything and I hadn’t grown up enough to stand up for myself. It’s not the years that matter it’s the balance of the relationship and the respect from your partner that does.

    In terms of aging together, you really have to consider the plan for your future together. By the time we got serious, he said he wasn’t sure he wanted kids anymore because he was getting older, that was a deal breaker for me, so we really had to talk it through and make sure we got on the same page (willingly and respectfully) before committing to a life together. He also is very physically active and healthy which helps with aging.

    So I would say respect is #1, alignment on goals for the future is #2. You have to have both to make it work.

  30. You do you, but you guys are in very, very different stages of life. Even at 21, I’d find being with an 18 or 19 year old weird. So much has happened in this last 2-3 years of maturing and going through important trials and obstacles. Shit, even the next year is probably going to bring a massive set of growth and challenges.

    I have a few friends who have dated older dudes and it typically doesn’t go over well for long. Eventually that gap is going to present itself in a much more colossal way than you’d imagine.

  31. I (34F) was in a 12-year age gap relationship with a guy when I was 20. Lasted for a few months (and then dragged on for several years on/off) but it’s the only relationship in my life that I deeply regret. It was not a DV situation or anything like this, but the power imbalance destroyed my self-esteem – I always felt that I needed to impress him and live life on his terms as “he was older, wiser and more impressive”. It didn’t help that he reinforced that through very insidious asshole behaviour meant to keep my self-esteem low, like being critical of my lifestyle (I was in law school at the time, working on my future career – he wasn’t critical of poor life choices, just the simple fact that I had a student/poor lifestyle and little life experience). I feel like I missed an important part of my youth because of this dickhead and it took me years to get my self confidence back.

    Now, I’m not saying your partner is like this, but I remember when people were warning me about the age gap at the time, I wouldn’t hear of it. There’s a reason why certain men choose younger women and manipulation / feeling superior is very often the underlying reason. Please, please examine your relationship to make sure this isn’t subliminally happening to you. Are you living your young years the way you are meant to? Are you able to work on yourself? Build your future? Explore all aspects of what life has to offer? Perhaps your case is different than mine – and I wish that for you. Just saying…think about things with a clear head.

  32. I’m 27F my soon to be husband is 44M, by far the the best relationship I’ve ever had. As long as you’re in the age Gap relationship for healthy reasons there should be no problem with it. Now there are some people that just go for the novelty of being with somebody older. But if you’re truly connecting on a different level issue no reason why I shouldn’t work.

  33. Hmm. This is a tricky one because we have to look at it surface level without all the details. But you being in your early 20s and him in his mid 30s doesn’t bode well in my mind. You’re in two very different stages of life objectively.

    I think men who date much younger than themselves tend to be emotionally stunted in some way. I am too in a lot of respects; I’m at least aware of my shortcomings as a 27 year old.

    Suffice to say I wouldn’t date a woman with this large an age gap. I recently dated a woman who was six years younger than me, and that felt like a good limit.

  35. My girl is 11 years younger than me and it is the greatest relationship I’ve ever been in. I was hesitant when I learned her age but it has never been an issue. Plus I have a super hot 23 year old girlfriend

  36. Please just keep your eyes open, as someone who’s 23 myself and had a history of dating older men. Sometimes there’s a reason someone at that age isn’t with someone their age. So look out for that. And also make sure there isn’t a big gap in life experience (although I’m sure there is). These are things that’s quickly will turn into a issues once the honeymoon phase settles. It may seem endearing to have the attention of someone much older and “mature” than you but things aren’t always what they seem.

  37. I feel like this is something that’s fine in theory but never ends well from stories I have heard.

    The biggest issue with the age gap is how it will affect you now when you are still young and later when he is old. When he’s 72, you will still be 60 and more likely than not, put in a positiom to take care of him.

    This isn’t necessarily a reason not to date him, just a reminder that it doesn’t always get easier with age.

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