Long story short, a few nights ago I was browsing through Instagram, and came across a girl that had her (free) OnlyFans linked in her bio. My girlfriend and I haven’t been intimate in weeks due to her being stressed and other outside factors. I was in the mood to do so, so I went to this other girls OF page and I pleasured myself. Now again, everything I viewed on this OF page was free, and I didn’t pay for anything nor did I go in with the intention of paying.
Well I forgot to delete my browsing history and my girlfriend ended up seeing that I was on OnlyFans when we were at a restaurant and I pulled up the menu online.
She didn’t confront me about it until we got home that night. I was flustered and immediately responded with something along the lines of “it’s not like that” but I quickly owned up and explained to her exactly what the situation was, but she doesn’t believe me and is convinced it’s a much deeper thing.
We’ve talked in the past about how I pleasure myself from time to time and she said before that she didn’t have a problem with it. However, she’s very hurt (understandably so) and is accusing me of going on there “looking for something” and she’s very angry because she thinks I paid money for the services on that site.
I’ve offered to show her things like debit/credit card histories because I honest-to-god did not pay and have rarely used that website, but I’m hoping someone can give me good advice on how to make my girlfriend feel secure again because she says she’s feeling extremely insecure.
9 comments
I would tell her onlyfans is similar to porn. It was free and you were pleasuring yourself. You weren’t having sex so you didn’t do anything wrong. I think you should ask her how you can make it up to her and apologize again. Next time don’t be careless when watching porn and forgetting to delete the page and browsing history.
As someone who’s been on the receiving end of this, I can understand how jarring it can be to see a partner’s porn history. As you said she may be fine with you watching porn, but going to someone’s personal OF, Twitter, Instagram steps into the territory of parasocial relationships and sexual attraction, which for some people can be too close to the idea of infidelity.
I’d say give her the support and space to talk to you about what aspect really bothers her. It may be the time to reset boundaries that make you both comfortable, which may include not visiting people’s OF (as long as both sides agree to that). You may learn that she wasn’t as comfortable earlier in the relationship to set boundaries on porn. There could be some unresolved insecurities she has, so just try to have an understanding ear and and open heart while you talk it through together.
Easier said than done. It may be awkward but if you want the relationship to last better to have those conversations now.
U have nothing to apologize for. Ask her has she never fantasized about another guy?
TLDR: You both fucked up. Sit down, establish a specific set of rules governing future sexual encounters, and follow those without failure. Revisit them occasionally and revise them together.
With that said you shouldn’t have gone to an OF. The thing about OF that separates it and makes it even more egregious than traditional porn is that OF is oftentimes an amateur experience. It capitalizes on a smaller, individualistic interest in the actor/actress in the shot; in a weird way it is more intimate than large scale productions. It’s like the difference between buying Ben and Jerry’s ice cream vs going to a local ice cream parlor, which is probably the reason your gf is upset with you.
Additionally, This is some serious advice that both you and your girlfriend NEED to understand; sex is a pillar of a successful relationship if neither of you are aces. I’m not saying you and her can’t look at porn or should be fucking like rabbits 24/7, I’m just saying you need to seriously evaluate how both of you view sex, sexual intimacy, and how important it is to your relationship. Honestly, y’all should probably just write down a list of rules to follow. Relationships are work and effort, and knowing what is important to you and establishing rules around it makes things easier.
For example, me. I can’t stand the thought of porn, I think it’s disgusting. Same with my past partners. So we made rules about sex, which essentially boiled down to at least once a week (if not more), regardless of whether either of us are in the mood for a cardio session. It was annoying as shit trying to get a stiffy during finals week when I hadn’t slept in 2 days, but we made a rule and followed it to a T (the relationship didn’t last because we both got employment offers in very different locals of the US, not because of the rules).
Focus less on continuing to apologize for a normal act and start focusing more on why your girlfriend hasn’t wanted to have sex with you for weeks.
That can be viewed as just watching porn and pleasuring yourself. Even if you paid, its your money so who cares? Rules need to be laid down. Some people view porn as cheating, others don’t care and understand we all have needs. Talk with her about the ground rules.
Only Fan page can appear to a woman as cheating..
If it was strictly porn, probably wouldnt have bothered her.
A single woman on an Only Fan page versus strangers having sex…see the difference?
Time to set some boundaries. Don’t be shamed into thinking whacking off to porn makes you a bad person. If that’s what you want to have the freedom to do, stand by it.
Also, not having sex in weeks is the bigger issue IMHO. Don’t wind up in a dead bedroom situation.
Stop simping🤷♀️
Let’s put what you did into a different frame. You were in public, saw a girl you wanted to have sex with, she has zero desire to have sex with you, so you simulated sex with your hand imaging you were having sex with her.
you would have had sex with her if she had asked you too. But she could not get aroused by you and would never desire sex with you.
Is any woman supposed to look at you with respect?