Throwaway account.
I (27F) went to a wedding with my fiancé (29M) a couple of months ago. I let him know an attendee who was a friend, was also my first crush and first kiss when I was a child. About five years ago we reconnected and were going to go on a date. We never ended up going on a date and stopped speaking. Mutually ghosting each other. I do not have feelings for my friend. These were all things I told my fiancé prior to the wedding. It made him uncomfortable because in his past relationships he’s been cheated on so I think he’s more cautious than someone who hasn’t been cheated on.
After the wedding the friend said goodbye, asked me to grab dinner if I’m ever in his town and I said yeah knowing full well I wouldn’t be going because it would be inappropriate. The next day I sent the friend a message on Instagram with photos from the wedding and gave him my number.
This is where I’ve been beating myself up. I feel extremely naive because I’ve had conversations with my fiancé where he’s mentioned guy friends probably want to sleep with me if they had the chance. I didn’t give my friend my number to reconnect or sleep with him. I don’t really have a reason why other than it felt fine because he knew I was happily taken. I had zero intentions of talking to him and he’s since reached out to wish me a happy Christmas (I didn’t answer).
I know what I did was wrong but I cannot forgive myself. I understand my fiancé’s boundaries after having a conversation and know where the line is moving forward. I feel awful and extremely naive.
3 comments
So you’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. You didn’t do anything inherently wrong. However, you have contact info to a guy who you have expressed romantic interest in previously even though nothing came from it.
If y’all talk keep it pg and don’t hide that you have your number to him because your partner will feel betrayed if you hide that you gave him your number
Guys have been hitting on you since you were 14yo. This guy isnt much of a friend (based on your post). You barely know him and he wasn’t interested previously.
Research shows all exs are high risk for affairs. Regardless of current intent or current physical attraction.
You going the extra mile and reaching out with your number and agreeing to meet him is sad (because he wasn’t interested in you).
Tell your fiance you’ve had second thoughts and regret encouraging this guy and will ghost him.
I suggest you read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.
It’s based on research (not opinion) of couples/good people that experienced infidelity.
Lessons learned and how to appropriately manage friendships with the opposite sex in a way that protects your primary.
Your fiance should read it too so he can learn- but also so he can be comfortable with your ability to manage friendships
I don’t get why you reached out to him, sent him pics and your number if you have no intention of talking to him. Like, why do everything you can to talk to him only to not want to talk to him? Doesn’t make any sense.
Did you tell your BF about this?
Whole thing seems odd. I don’t know if I would think you’re trying to cheat, but I would probably think you’re intentionally trying to make me jealous, if it were me.