So to start, I am in uni (20m) and I realized and felt like I was behind the curve when I realized how much people here talk about sex and relationships. After that I really wanted to practice dating and see if I could find someone who could appreciate me for who I am. But so far after a full year and a few months of trying I’ve never managed to find something.
I’ve found myself questioning why for so many people it seems so easy. It doesn’t help when I have a friend crying “oh I can’t get a girlfriend” when he then goes to talk so casually about having sex with 4 in one semester.
Then there is also the familial pressure of everyone in my family that shares my grandparents met during university. This is a bit lower as my nuclear family is much more understanding. However there is still a presence.
Both of those just lead me to feel even worse about my inexperience and worry that if I can’t find someone soon, I might just become undesirable.
All of this led to me while I was talking to a girl sending one slightly cringe stupid pic. Nothing that bad or anything, just kind of silly, sappy holiday message. Now three days later no response, I’m wondering why I always seem to get the short end of the stick and what I can do at this point to actually succeed for the first time in this whole dating area.
Essentially this is a two parter for what I can do about those outside pressures around sex and relationships, as well as what I can do to improve my ability to land into a good relationship.
11 comments
Idk man. Have you tried dating apps
In my experience good relationships rarely come from actively searching out a relationship. These things tend to happen organically. The best relationships I’ve had came when I wasn’t looking for someone to date met someone who had a spark. Active dating with people is hard work and can be emotionally exhausting. I’m not saying give up and you’ll find love, but just take care of yourself and meet new people outside of a dating site. Try to involve yourself in things you’re knowledgeable and passionate about it’s a great way to help you feel more relaxed and confident if you aren’t there only to create a connection from scratch with someone you just met.
do you go to the gym?
You are 20. Focus on university and your career. If you meet someone organically, great… but do not chase and delete all dating apps. The latter is just a diversion from your studies.
Once you got your degree and everything is set, things will get easier. I met my first GF with 26, when I was nearly finished with university. It was random, we first saw each other at a bakery and later that day in a bus, where we exchanged numbers. First gf, first ever date, 4 year relationship.
Don’t rush.
Go dating, go (heart) broke and become a looser. Forget dating. Concentrate on yourself and your carrier. Than in 10 years you can have every girl. I wish i had a father figure telling me this when i was your age. Woman like winners, winners dont care about woman, cause they have endless options. Thats how you get to the long side of the stick.
Dude, you shouldnt date out of whim.
24 here and ghosted till now%. Cheers mate
Think about it this way, your life is on a path. Everyone’s life is on a path.
As you navigate life (currently in college) you are going to meet people organically who are also on a similar path to you.
If you are hoping to meet someone with similar interests, you have to go out to do things that you enjoy. Examples would be: hiking groups, bar crawls (if you’re into that), find a fun 5k and join a team, try a speed dating event [they great to practice talking with total strangers – I’ve done it before!]
In the end, it’s not about seeking the relationship. You won’t find it that way. Just do things you enjoy, start conversations with people at those things, and see where it leads.
Eventually you’ll meet someone who is on a similar path to you because they also decided to attend that same event you did.
The more organic the better.
tl;dr Just go out and do stuff you like/try something new, talk to people, and eventually you’ll meet someone.
People are different than they were back then. For the most part, people really don’t mature until their mid to late 20s now. Go out and have fun, if someone comes up that you enjoy, go for it, but you likely won’t find anything super serious in your age group.
Don’t worry about the pic. There are plenty of people who will appreciate you being silly. Additionally, making mistakes is part of building experience. If you make mistakes and examine them thats what makes experience. It’s not just the number of girlfriends and number of dates.
It sounds cheesy but the right person won’t mind inexperience because it’s something that can be easily changed. You can give someone experience, but you can’t make someone kind, funny, interesting, invested etc.
Just focus on being your best self and being confident in who you are. I’ve found that all the things I used to hide from girls when I was casually dating are what my girlfriend likes most about me. So don’t get down on yourself. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are so young, so much is going to change. I’m only 24 and I’m vastly different from who I was just a year ago.
The best way to meet a woman is thru a social club…I personally belong to a book club and it helps socializing with attractive women…Meet Up is a great app to find clubs that interest you…when a woman sees you excited about a hobby then she will be excited about you..good luck.😁