read: Especially those women who did want to get married but stayed with their partner anyway after finding out marriage was not what their partner wanted.

6 comments

  2. I, personally, reached a point where I got sick of guys talking about marriage… so the current mister has been informed there will be no marriage until I let him know it’s an option. (maybe next year…. maybe)

    There were people over the years that I hoped would pop the question… they never did. I also never spoke up to tell them I wanted to get married, though. A lot of my friends lamented partners that didn’t seem marriage oriented, but they also wouldn’t just tell their partner that’s what their end goal was.

    After I had to breakup with a boyfriend because HE wanted to get married and I didn’t… I started making that conversation real upfront. If they wanted to get married, I wasn’t their girl. I think that’s how all relationships should deal with this. If you want to get married, tell your partner. If you don’t want to get married, tell your partner. Don’t let it be something that eats at one of you, and admit when you have different ideas of the future. From experience, I can tell you that it hurts like a MFer to have to tell someone that I’m breaking up with them because they deserve to find someone that has the same goals they do… but they do deserve that, and **you do too**.

  3. Been with my partner almost 5 years now. In the beginning, we talked and he said he wasn’t interested in marriage. I thought it was too early to say anything, but I figured we revisit the topic later. We did this year. Basically, we’re not getting married. He’s a never and I don’t care. My mother was married three times before she met my father and they didn’t marry until I was 22. I don’t even know what a good marriage would look like.

    But after some thorough self-examinination, I realized that I don’t want it. I don’t want to have to plan a party. I don’t want to waste the money. I don’t want the stress of a bunch of guests and family. I also don’t want the social pressures and I like being non traditional.

    We did have the very important conversation about wills, life insurance, living wills, finances, etc. Get the legal stuff together, but you don’t need to be married to live a happy and committed life together.

  5. I was in this boat for awhile, in the past I really wanted to get married someday. But then my partner at the time explained to me that he saw marriage as basically a legal partnership, and the more I looked into it, I found myself agreeing with him. I started to see it as having less to do with love and more of how to divide up your assets if anything bad happens. Also, some of my closest friends have gone through rough divorces and they all say they’d never get married again after experiencing what they did. Apparently it’s expensive and a giant headache.

    I probably sound super negative, but I definitely want to have a forever partner, I just don’t think I want to be legally married anymore.

  6. Potentially not helpful but I have been thinking about this lately- In a relationship (not yet long term) where my partner has expressed that he doesn’t believe in marriage for various reasons, whereas I’d like to get married

    Cant tell you what the future holds (no one can) but I think there’s a lot of value in dissecting the meaning of what is a marriage in your eyes and then in your partners.

    For me a wedding is a party thrown to represent the relationship as life-long… a commitment to trying to make it work until the end of time.
    From what I’ve gathered, in my partners eyes, a wedding is more so a social obligation, and isn’t particularly reflective of a commitment at all.

    Now I said thinking about this because I’m still working through my thoughts/opinions… Of course a party with my loved ones and a ring and dress would be nice, but what I actually truly want and care about is a deep level of (goal of life-lasting) commitment.
    While the legal aspect of marriage does make it more difficult to split up, I recognize that the legality of it doesn’t actually mean a relationship is going last until the end of time (e.i. what makes a relationship last is both parties putting in effort and work, not both parties signing a paper). While for me they might be the same for me, marriage ≠ commitment in everyone’s eyes.

    So… Do I feel like I need to get married? No.

    Would I like to get married? It would be nice.

    Would I rather be with someone who also wants to be married?

    At the end of the day I am so incredibly lucky to be with the person that I am with and I hope they’re in my life for a long time. I don’t want to be with anyone else. And unless I see a lack of commitment/effort or my needs aren’t being met in my own relationship, I don’t see that changing… So… what is a wedding anyways?

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