Here’s and update on my earlier post.

So I took the blunt route that people were recommending and it ultimately turned out well. I was really nervous about embarrassing him but I sat him down and told him that he knows I love him to death and that I wasn’t trying to hurt or embarrass him but I needed to tell him this.

I told him about my past embarrassing experiences with my bad breath and how I was shamed for it and had a fear of having bad breath now because of that. I explained that I was reluctant to tell him because I didn’t want to cause the same fear in him but it was something that was negatively affecting me. I explained to him the fact that his breath is often off putting and smells unsettling and it makes me not want to be as affectionate with him and he took it fine. He said he understood and hugged me and said he was happy that I even brought it up. He said he appreciated my honesty and will start brushing in the mornings too and asked if it was ok for him to ask me for breath checks to let him know if his efforts are working. If it doesn’t work then he said we will figure it out but was overall just happy that I had the courage to communicate that with him.

The fact that he was so sweet about it all made me feel bad and I started crying telling him that I hated that I had to tell him that but I loved him and wanted to be open and honest. He reassured me that it was completely fine. He went and brushed his teeth, came back and let me smell check it(it smelled WAY better!), then we watched some Rick and Morty together and had some great sex! All in all I’d say it was a pretty good turn out!

Thanks for your input on my last post:)

44 comments

  3. Also I explained it in last post. The problem was that he didn’t brush in the morning(only at night before bed) and when he did brush he only brushed the teeth and not the tongue. He flosses but was never aware of the need to brush in the morning as well as at night. Now he’ll be brushing at both though and brushing the tongue as well. So far so good!

  9. Better oral hygiene never hurt anyone but he SHOULD see a dentist and possibly also a doctor if it’s really that bad. Dental problems can be silent. Cavities can start between teeth where you can’t see them. He could have tonsil stones. Teeth can also die “silently”. I had it happen to me. I had a tooth that was deader than a doornail and no pain and nothing felt off. Obviously it would have broken eventually but I had no idea.

    GI issues like GERD can also be silent. Not all GERD sufferers have heartburn or associated symptoms. My friend found out she had it because she started gagging easily when doing things like brushing her teeth or on a certain texture foods she never had issues withe before. Ulcers can cause bad breath as well.

    No amount of oral hygiene will fix those things.

  10. Glad it went so smoothly! Healthy communication is very underrated, and precious haha.

    I remember my boyfriend doing something similar to me. Woke up one morning (we were in a spew of a long weekend being entirely filled with laziness) and I learned in to kiss him and he gently placed his hand on me and said “Baby, I love you, but you have terrible morning breath right now. And I’m sure mine isn’t great either, so let’s not subject eachother to that.” So I got up, showered, and brushed my teeth. Thanked him for keeping my hygiene in check.

    Sometimes we slip, and our partners are supposed to gently guide us. It’s harmless.

  11. I’ve always tried to treat these things with humor and it usually works (bad breath, bathroom, etc). Glad you found a way to overcome it. He sounds like a great guy.

  12. I’ve been struggling with this exact issue with my partner, but to no avail. He’s been to the dentist 4 times, now brushes 2x/day(and started finally cleaning his tongue.)
    He gets mad at me when I mention I can smell the bad breath, and i don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be intimate with him bc of it now and that bothers me too

  13. I’m having the same issue… but we’ve been married 10 years and I’m scared it’s too late.

  14. I love dating versus married. My husband of 10 years, unbeknownst to me, started only brushing his teeth and night (for some reason) and it really affected his breath. My approach was “dude, wtf is going on? You need to brush your teeth now.” And he was like “I just started brushing them only at night” and I was like “well stop, that’s dumb.” Lol.

  16. I’m glad it turned out well and I hope he does what he needs to do. But I really gotta say, how is he a grown ass man and think it’s okay not to brush at least twice a day? My mouth feels gross all day if I don’t brush in the morning.

  17. Great job!!! And if part of the “problem” is that brushing in the morning isn’t normal he can add in a mouthwash or something of that nature to keep his breath fresher for longer( after brushing) ! This will also help to clean the spots that may be missed when he brushes if he is still getting into the habit of brushing his tongue ! Definitely just another step that’s a little extra but I started using mouthwash recently and feel a huge difference in the cleanliness of my gums and tongue !

  18. Late to the party but when my ex had this issue i got a two pack of tongue scrapers and “shared” with him. His breath was fine after that!

  19. Could be worth seeing a doctor. I had a horrible breath despite brushing teeth 3x a day and flossing for a decade. My parents didn’t take it serious so never listened to my pleas to see a doctor. Once I was 18 I went myself, one look in my throat with a flashlight and the doctor immediately diagnosed me with chronically infected tonsils. It was treatable with a simple mouthwash solution but it never healed properly. Eventually had my tonsils removed in my early 20s. Never had bad breath again (except in mornings, hah).

  20. That what a lot of us guys ask. Just please tell us the issue don’t worry about upsetting us I rather know what the issues are then let the Aussie settle and get worse over time.

  22. I recently had to tell my husband that he smelled bad. Our conversation went like this:

    Hon, I think you need to try a new antiperspirant, this one isn’t working. You have a weird funk.

    Oh okay, I will buy a new kind. I’ll try getting a women’s antiperspirant, those usually smell better.

    Today I complimented him and said it was working and I don’t notice the fragrance being too cloying and he replied “It’s flowery and mixes well with my boy funk.”

    My husband is a big bearded dude who does not suffer from the curse of toxic masculinity.

    I know no one writes in to Reddit about the fact that in a loving, respectful relationship, conversations like this aren’t a big deal because it’s clear that we both care about each other, but it’s true!

  23. Wait until you’re married for a few decades. “Wife, you breath stinks. Go brush your teeth”. Wife – Ok thanks for telling me.

  24. That’s really great news!! It worked out perfectly for both of you after all. See what having a kind and gentle conversation can accomplish?

    If you find at some point that the regular brushing, flossing, rinsing, etc, doesn’t work well enough, have him checked for halitosis. He can see his dentist or his primary care physician for help in figuring out what’s going on. If the problem stays resolved with his efforts, then you’re home free. 😊

  28. It’s not something they teach at school? Because a lot of basic hygiene rules aren’t taught at home.

  29. Aww what a cute update. I’m so glad you were upfront and developed this assertive take. This is such a nice development moment. Also love the way he handled it. Your relationship sounds so adorable. Wishing you both the best!

  32. I’m glad to hear that you were able to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns. It takes courage to bring up sensitive topics like this, but it is important to communicate openly and honestly in any relationship. It sounds like your partner was understanding and receptive to your concerns, and that you were able to find a resolution that works for both of you. It is important to remember that any relationship involves give and take, and that it is important to be open and honest about your needs and concerns in order to build a strong and healthy relationship.

  36. recommend getting a water flosser in addition to interdental brushes, it’s an easy way to get some additional cleaning.

  37. OP, additional suggestion as something to check into… does your bf still have his tonsils? He may be getting tonsil stones. He can irrigate them, but if he periodically is getting agitated lymph nodes or if he gets an especially sore throat when sick, he can get his tonsils out, and all these things will be better. I got mine out at 31 and the recovery actually wasn’t nearly as bad as many say it is. Perhaps this is all extraneous for your situation, but I too have issues with being extra sensitive to smells and the tonsils out is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

  38. As someone who missed the initial post, this is fantastic! I used to start each morning with Coffee and Gatorade, and it took my best friend telling me that my breath was rancid for me to realize it. Sometimes, people just don’t notice because they’re so used to it.

  39. > will start brushing in the mornings too

    He didn’t brush in the mornings? hahahahaha WHAT COULD GO WRONG, right?

    You’re a trooper, OP.

  43. I’m always happy when people have respectful, mature conversations and then solve problems without conflict. It’s so refreshing!

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