How to learn to socialize from scratch. Just assume I didn’t learn it in childhood due to some circumstances and now I am almost 30 completely unable to for real connections to people. Please share.

4 comments

1. Waiting on the responses on this one. Same boat

2. I feel like I’m im this same boat and to some degree I feel people have just gotten worse at socializing in person in general. Unless its always been like this and people don’t like talking to others. Or we all feel like we are annoying one another and are too in our own head so we all just assume the lerson next to us doesnt want to be bothered or wants to talk even if its just small talk. Anyways, the times I have socialized has been because other people approach me and initiate some sort of conversation, or simply say hello/acknowledge me across multiple times. Then they became familiar and it becomes more comfortable to acknowledge them and before I know it we are talking about our intersts or random stuff. The times other have approached me they usually start just as quiet as me or a little more chatty, but they don’t go from 0-100 in terms of talking/socializing in mintues, it takes days and many interactions. Then there’s also we also have to consider if we like this person to continue talking to them and vice versa. There may be more to it, but this is justy experience. I used this kind of as a way to reflect on how to socialize myself, so maybe its helpful?

3. Trial and error. Try starting a conversation with the grocery store clerk.

4. I couldn’t have conversations with ANYONE just over a year ago being homeschooled for 3 years (7th, 8th, 9th) PRIME years for social development.

   Im 21 now and the main things are: relaxing, practice, humor and confidence.

   Don’t be anxious and being confident in your self can be achieved by practicing and talking with strangers and/or overcoming things that suck. Self talk is also a big thing, just a little over a year ago I was so socially isolated purely because of my self talk sentence “I don’t know how to talk to people” and I spiraled in a deep depression that took me a while to get out of. Acknowledge the good in yourself and be confident in who you are. Be ridiculously confident that nobody can hurt you no matter what they say.

   Relax in conversation. Think of things that purely relate to the other person. Put them first and if they are skilled in conversation then they will do the same and the conversation will be centered between y’all too. Also as it shifts, shifts with it. Don’t be stuck on one topic you’ve been meaning to say for 3 sentences and when it ends: it ends. Don’t drag on.

   Humor. This can only really come with practice. It was probably my hardest skill as I have ADHD and thus I cannot always articulate my thoughts into words so most of the time my jokes are poorly executed. Talking with people who have great senses of humor (or watching them on TV) can really help if you think back and analyze how their wording was and the context.

   Charisma on Command is a YouTube channel that is also very good on this stuff. Hope I helped!