The title says it all really. It’s becoming so embarrassing and I just don’t know how to turn it around. Of course, I’ll ask questions about the person I’m conversing with but I always relate their answer back to me. Ugh.

15 comments

  1. I don’t think that is necessarily an issue, the key ingredient to a good conversation is that all parties can relate to the points raised. If you think you are talking too much, a good rule of thumb could be that you try to count how long you speak, that reminds you of the need for balancr

  2. Sometimes it’s a good thing to make the conversation about yourself too. That’s how you show you connect with the person, that you two share the same experiences. It’s part of empathizing. People who don’t talk about themselves at all may come off as boring if anything.

    It’s also very good that you ask questions about the person. You doing that is already enough to show that you have interest in the other person.

    Don’t worry about it honestly. You’re fine! Anyone who points this out to you (that you turn the conversation about to you) is probably actually doing the same thing tbh.

  3. I heard, I think on Anna Arkana’s YT channel, that there are two types of reaponses in a convo. One that centers the other person and one that centeres yourself. Just keeping this binary in mind has helped me realize how often I fail to ask interrogative questions when that is likely what my convo partner is expecting/seeking.

    As others have mentioned, centering yourself can be important too! Whenever I realize I have inadvertently shifted the convo to be about myself, I intentionally prompt the other person to re center the convo on themselves with open ended questions.

  5. I think it’s really positive that you have the self awareness to recognise if it’s happening. As an exercise, try to keep the discussion focussed on other people/topics. Actively listen to their stories and respond.

    Ask questions:

    “How did that make you feel?”

    “What was your experience at xyz?”

    Of course, it’s still acceptable to share your experience. You can use brief statements if you feel yourself making the conversation about you.

    “I feel the same way”

    “I agree”

  6. Magic question “What about you?”.

    Whenever I catch myself telling a story that has no end about me I find a way to circle it around back to the person I’m speaking with. Ask for their experience/opinion.

    For example:

    “Blablabla I love apples blablabla… So what is your favorite fruit?”

    And just add additional about their opinion/experience to show you’re actually interested in what they are saying to you. Of course, being interested as well is the key so ask the question you want to know the answer to.

  7. Just try to not play the one up game when you turn it to yourself and you’ll be fine.

  8. I don’t know if what I’m about to say going to dovetail with what your experiencing but I’m going to play a little devil’s advocate.

    Some people don’t have a lot going on in their lives or they are really reluctant to open up to people. It could be one of the two. If you live an exciting, interesting life, you’re automatically going to have a lot more to talk about and talk a lot more.

    I’m involved with someone who has a very exciting life as a social worker who works with a very marginalized population with very interesting situations they end up in frequently. I have an incredibly consistent and routine desk job. You can probably guess who has much more to talk about at dinner than I do. I am completely fine with them making up the bulk of the conversation!

    This may not be what is going on but it’s something to keep in the back of your mind if you find yourself talking more than the other person.

  9. It’s okay to be relatable just make sure you are clarifying that you relate to what they’re saying rather than attempting to one up them with your own experience. You can do this by calling out specific things they’ve said in their story that remind you of yours. Then land on a sentence that follows up with another question for them, just bring it back to what they were saying to show you’re interested in what they have to say. Also, try not to fill silences too quickly, sometimes people feel like they need to keep talking to keep a conversation going but really other people talking may just need a moment to think a little more before continuing what they’re saying. Taking little pauses, actively listening without interjecting and asking questions can go a long way. That said, it’s okay to relate and have a conversation be about you sometimes! There should be an equal ebb and flow in most conversations, unless either you or the other person is looking for additional support with something, then it’s best to keep the conversation focused on the one who needs support. Ex: going through a break up, having a hard day, etc. and if you do keep interrupting just say “oh sorry, I interrupted you, what were you saying/please continue”

  10. I think a lot of times the key is to slow down! It sounds like you’re already aware of what’s up, and you have the solution which is asking them more questions and listening to their answers. Then when you have that urge after they answer to relate it back to yourself, slow down and choose between: 1) relate it back to yourself 2) just have a nice quiet pause, maybe they’ll have something else to add 3) ask them another question 4) misc response such as a simple humorous response 5) active listening response such as mirroring

  11. Hiiiii

    I’m neurodivergent and this is how we communicate. it’s like trading stories! It’s ok if that’s your communication style.

    I don’t understand needing to ask a series of questions to get you to tell me the story you want to tell, just tell me! Then I’ll tell you a cool related story, and it’s great.

  12. If you find yourself rambling about yourself
    ask them for their opinion on something related to the topic or
    what they’re perspective would be if it was them or if they have similar experiences.

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