I get it, if you invested time with someone for years, then you can’t let go of feelings overnight. Maybe some do… idk. I was having a debate with a friend, nothing hostile. We were talking about dating and I said I think it’s pretty shitty to lead someone on knowing you’re still in love with your ex and want them back. It crushes the other person. I never been through that yet at least lol. But I know people it’s happened to and it HURTS.
My friend said, some people date to move on but I said it’s not fair to that other person thinking everything is going well and then they ghost to be back with their ex. He said it’s not a problem…I asked if he would accept dating a girl who is constantly talking about her ex and literally in love still. He said he could deal with it for a while.
Maybe that’s why I’m single but I can’t just wait around for someone to decide if they want to date me or make things work with their ex. It’s a headache and it can make the other person feel like shit.
This one dude dated my friend for months. Took her out on dates. Planned their future, etc… and he ghosted after a year to go back with his ex. Maybe the whole entire Reddit will cuss me out but I find that a very shitty thing to do.
If you’re not ready to date because you’re not over an ex, then maybe use that time to heal. Not drag someone else into it
31 comments
You often won’t know the circumstances for these relationships and how they talked about things. When it comes to ethics, one of the key concepts is **informed consent**. What that means in this scenario is that it’s quite likely these people knew damn well that the other person was not over their ex, but they chose to date them anyway knowing the risks. Some people are okay with that. You are not, and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with having that preference. There’s also some ambiguity around how people define being “over someone”. To have a good discussion about it you should first define what you mean by that phrase.
Be better than their ex
Hell no!
Nope, I wouldn’t seriously date someone over there ex. Some people will say you can “just be better than the ex” but you won’t be compared to the ex you’re going to be up against the romanticised version of there ex in there head, you can’t win that.
Not bad at all .. good decision
No, not bad. People who dates other when they didn’t move on are terrible. If their ex comes back I promise they’ll drop you from the 10th floor if that’s what it takes.
This is totally normal. They need to move on before they can handle another relationship. I say this as someone who formerly had a hard time moving on and finally found the right person once I did.
I personally don’t.
One of my friend didn’t understand so I asked him “if your ex came back saying she changed xyz…” (xyz being all the stuff that made them break up or similar, like finally being ready to commit) “… would you get back with her even if currently dating her?” (her being the girl he just started dating while still not being over his ex), and he froze.
Would anyone want to be the one who would have to be compared to the ex someone isn’t over with just yet? Simply because they can’t stand being single? No. It’s how we end up with rebound cases x)
And we all know people who break up and get back together more often than not.
So no, it’s not bad to avoid them and if six months after they are still hook on their exes…They should not be dating, they should be in therapy.
Why would that be a bad thing
I’m not over my ex and I won’t date anyone until I am if at all.
I find it funny that this is even a question. It’s more than okay to not want to date someone who’s not over their former partner! I wouldn’t either. I dont want to share your heart with anyone else lol. If that’s not what you want,then that’s okay. 🙂
I couldn’t handle it personally. I think I’d get jealous if I found out they still had feelings for their ex.
nope, i’ve dated someone that wasn’t over their ex. let me tell you it was not fun. they aren’t emotionally available yet. i was like your friend and thought i could handle it and be accepting. i couldn’t, just hurts too much and the resentment builds over time
If someone wants to date to help themselves move on, they should date casually, not pursue a new relationship. You’re not in the minority.
MAAN, i swear this is exactly what happened to me , i v met a girl she said she had a BF months ago , (they were still friends on Facebook when i met her , suddenly they were not, then back to be friends again ) it did seem weird and made me angry not gonna lie , but she still seemed interested so i took her on like 4 date , hang out , kissed , hugged and everything she seemed so into me , after 5 month together , i send her a text ,she dont reply for like 5 days , while being online , it stayed like that for about 20days , then she followed her ex on insta , immediately unfriended her from everything , deleted the contact .
she spend like 3 years with her ex , and broke up months ago , i knew he wasnt just gonna let things fade , and eventually they will get back , but i chose to ignore that truth , and now that she ghosted , it fucking hurt not gonna lie ,
dont even know what to call her now , ex , ghoster , energie draining bi***.
screw this man , it make angry and sad same time
It is shitty.
I think most people aren’t trying to intentionally hurt others but their toxicity in not something they’re even aware of. That’s what being alone after heartbreak shows you. You have to sit in your grief, all the pain and discomfort, to actually grow and learn. That’s very difficult for some people. They don’t want to sit alone in their thoughts. It’s incredibly hard if you’re not willing to face yourself. It’s incredibly hard even when you are.
It’s a good red flag to pay attention to and makes distancing yourself from people who aren’t healthy enough to date easier. If someone constantly talks about their ex, then stop dating them. It’s really that simple. Tell them why.
Some people don’t know how to be alone and are just codependent. That’s not healthy either.
People are complicated and complex. Most people don’t handle pain well, especially heartbreak. Grief makes people do wild things. It’s shitty. Of course using someone to make yourself feel better is shitty. A lot of people are shitty for lots of different reasons. Life. It’s an interesting experience for sure.
I think most people are just people. We all have something we need to work on but a lot of people don’t want to do that work.
No it not just went threw was kinda seeing someone were getting very close had never been together was going slow cause husband took off on her then all sudden got 4 page text from her blaming for everything i help with just anything need after text i block here and deleted number i was walking my dog see saw came up said high how doing gave a hug like nothing picked up my dog gave her love once put my dog back down i just walked from thank god my land lord threw out for paying rent which i use to help her with
Not at all. If anything it’s correct to not want to date someone who isn’t over their ex – especially if they broke up only recently.
I think the only exception is if someone might have slight feelings for someone who they broke up with a long time ago (e.g. a few years). Because it can be hard to *completely* get over some people no matter how long it’s been and how removed they are from your life. If you date someone like that then it’s not a problem because if you have a good connection they’ll probably forget about their ex completely.
Timing is an important factor. You might meet someone who insists they’re over their ex who they broke up with only two months ago, they probably just lack self awareness. So dating them would be a bad idea too in my opinion.
Absolutely not bad. I can speak from experience it’s not a good thing. A lot of the times, people that are not over their ex will cry over them a lot and it makes you feel unwanted. It’s not bad at all
I didn’t read the whole thing, but from the title, I recently went on two dates and talked with someone who couldn’t shut up about their “first true love.” Even though it seems like it was years ago and they had “second true love” and more since then, ultimately they wanted to just be friends as I wasn’t macho enough for them. And what ultimately led me to delete my profile from all dating apps. So IMO it’s not bad at all, they shouldn’t be dating until they sort their shit out.
At least you know. Some of these people hide this stuff and you only find out later on when they screw up and drop hints. Don’t date this person. Not worth it dealing with this drama.
Nah I agree with you. Using other people to get over a past relationship is a shitty thing to do. Even if it’s not serial dating, it’s not healthy to date seriously until you’re over your ex.
I took a year to process the end of my last long-term relationship. During that time, I went out on a couple of dates and quickly realized I wasn’t ready. I knew I still preferred my ex over dating someone new at the time. It helped that the women I went out with were stuck on their own exes, and it reminded me I didn’t want to be like them.
It really sucks to be on the other side of it, too. You see potential for a healthy relationship but the other person hasn’t moved on from their last situation. Or they think something is wrong with you because your last situation didn’t require much healing. However things unfold, it’s best when 2 healed people get together.
I dont get that either.. I mean.. i wouldnt mind being a f buddy to get over your ex.. but nothing serious and no feelings attached!
Casual dating? Not a huge issue. Exclusive long-term dating? Major issues. All depends on what they’re looking for after the breakup.
No
When their ex contacts them again or when they have wanted to move on, they will end their relationship with you.
Please don’t make it too harsh for yourself.
Trust your instinct; you have your values, nothing wrong with that.
Good luck!
That’s one of my non negotiables now, I’ve been burnt by 2 guys who had an ex problem I didn’t know about
No, I would say that’s normal. I don’t want to be a rebound and wouldn’t date with the intention of finding something temporary. If I’m interested I saw real partner potential there. Absolutely, it would hurt knowing someone you’re invested in isn’t over their ex yet. I thought I was in this exact situation but turns out he met someone else (once) which actually hurts more. I can understand why someone he has history with can override or influence a connection we’ve been fostering for months, not so much when it’s some random girl.
No it’s not bad at all when you’re ready you’ll be ready to go back out again
Not at all. Avoid those people at all costs. Why be used and measured against someone they still have feelings for.
It would be if you continue