I hope this isn’t confusing, but here goes:
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we have a very solid relationship. We’ve met each other’s families (her’s is very LGBTQ+ friendly, much more than mine) and are looking to settle down together. She is strictly gay, and I am bisexual. In general, my girlfriend doesn’t watch porn or feels the need to, but she does understand that I’m also attracted to men, so we have an understanding that I will on occasion watch straight or gay male porn. This has been mostly fine for the last few years, but yesterday I decided to watch a lesbian scene of an actress, and this is when my girlfriend walked in on me.
She was not happy. She wasn’t mad, but she was clearly upset. Now, to be clear, she’s walked in on me before, but she’s never had this type of reaction before. She started crying and said that she felt betrayed. I felt horrible in the moment and apologized. But later today I thought about it and wondered if I should have told her how I really feel, which is I wish I could watch this without you feeling some type of way about it.
Any advice on how to approach this situation?
6 comments
Don’t get caught next time I guess.
A lot of persons have a weird relationship to porn.
For this specific person the damage’s already done, all you can do is apologize for being careless and getting caught…
Lol y r u worrying about it… U haven’t cheated her she definitely needs some help
Strictly speaking, most here will consider that watching porn is absolutely not cheating. Now despite the fact that you are not wrong and to be constructive, you may want to discuss with her why she feels so insecure towards you enjoying lesbian porn.
At some point, having her opening to porn might be a good thing. No more porn drama and watching some together is a great way spice up your sex life. Don’t forget that boredom is a risk in the long term.
I think she feels as she’s not enough for you in terms of feminine attraction and it’s hurting her self esteem. Talk to her about how she feels and decide what to do from there
I find it baffling that she’d be totally fine with you watching straight and gay porn but not lesbian porn. That doesn’t really make any sense to me.
I think you should ask her, in a gentle, non-attacking way, why you watching this particular type of porn bothers her. Tell her you certainly won’t watch it ever again since it obviously does bother her, but that you are confused as to why it does and why she feels betrayed by you watching it when she’s fine with you watching porn with men in it.
I’m probably out of my depth on this, but I’m just thinking that lesbian porn would be what she is more threatened by. It’s okay to have feels, and if you pushed for her to talk before she had a chance to process she might have spoken in haste.
Just come back to this, and discuss once you are ready to hear each other without reacting at first. I think the need for porn is valid, and I think the benefits of honesty are also great, it just takes time and poeple sometimes get upset.