My (37F) partner (41M) and I have been together 13 years. Recently we were talking about little “things” that get us real hot (irl that the other does, or just fantasy), and I shared that “Good girl” during sex or b-jays gives me massive zingers. He’s an extremely sensual lover and NAILS the dirty talk when we’re together. Part of what makes it so good is that it’s just his natural way of expressing his desire for me and pleasure in what we’re doing. Seeing and hearing him lose himself in the moment is just 💯. “Good girl” was one of those things he would say that always seemed me make me want to up the ante even more. Like everything else, there was an organicness to it, almost a wimper, that made it so delicious.
I don’t think he even took note of the words he’d say until I shared how much I loved it. Since then, it’s almost like he actively is thinking about what to say to turn me on, dropping “good girl” as if it were a statement at random points during sex. It was now totally off beat, performative, WAY overused, and took out the best part- the rawness of hearing him fully submit to his pleasure. He’s thinking oh awesome, she loves this so let me do this. Now I hate it and it gives me the ick. I wish I never told him so I can get my old auditory playlist back we used to have. How do I approach this convo witj him without hurting his feelings? In his mind, he’s doing it to be an even better lover and give me exactly what I want.
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I think you should talk to him.
Maybe tell him to withhold the dirty talk, and focus more on making you work for it?
Maybe you should figure out what makes you love that, and then communicate that with him so he can understand how to make it happen “organically” for you.
And then you can have it all, or MOST of the time, in a healthy way.
I think it’s very sexy to talk about your wants and needs and how to get you “there”, however that happens for you.
I hope he’s open to it, and I hope you get what you want!
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Hahaha good job
When you told him how much you like him saying it, did you also tell him the most important part of how and when he says it? Because it sounds like you didn’t which is why he’s simply saying it more – to him it’s the words not the how and why that will turn you on. Time to clarify what about that praise gets you going. Tell him you appreciate him stepping up and doing it more for you (that’s what he’s doing after all; more of what you told him you like. Don’t just jump in with the “you do it too much and it turns me off now”) but that it’s not so much the actual words but how he said it to you. It sounds to me from your write up that you told him it’s the words that get you off – quote from your post “good girl during sex or bjs give me massive zingers” – but it’s not the words is it? It’s the how and why he says it. So it’s time to correct your Mis-communication.
Loooooooooooooooooool. I personally don’t think there’s any going back because even if you say to him that you prefer how it used to be- it’s still always going to be in his head because the cat’s out the bag- as they say
“Babe, you ever heard that saying, ‘too much of a good thing can be a bad thing?’ Well, ever since I told you that I liked being called a good girl, you *might* be over-doing it.”
Imagine being turned off by significant other wanting to turn you on. Have you considered your selfishness is the problem?
Something super similar for a lot of guys: obviously everybody likes to hear moans during sex, hearing a partner moan is awesome. But for a lot of porn, the moans are obviously performative & fake, and when moans are obviously fake they can really take you out of a sexy moment.
That seems to be exactly what’s happening here. You used to like hearing a certain noise from him because it obviously meant something, but after he learned you liked it now he’s doing it performatively way more often, even when he’s obviously not meaning it in the same way he used to. Just tell him exactly what you said here, and if he needs to analogy to better understand compare it to fake moans.
Came here to say good girl sent me into a spiral.
Sucks, but sometimes I keep my favorite parts about people to myself. Because when you point it out, they actively try to do it, and it loses all of it’s charm.
You think micromanaging him further is going to help jfc
“I like it when you do this thing you do” “wait why are you doing it more? Because I said I like it?” “That thing I said I like is now grossing me out when you do it!!”
No wonder men think we’re fucking confusing 🤦🏼♀️