I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 months. We had a fantastic time together went on really good dates and this weekend we were supposed to go to DC together.
Here are a series of events that took place that caused him to break up with me:
On Dec 24 (Christmas eve): he texted me “When do you feel the most attractive? Or confident?”
My response was “In a new outfit/lingerie”
He replied saying my response was dry and not to do that again and he would be on his way soon to exchange gifts.
I replied: “Sorry! Lmao I just woke up from a nap and wanted to text you back quickly bc I figured you would want to drop it off soon🤣”
I got him really nice things he even said it was the best Christmas he’s had since he was a kid.
He wanted to pay me back because he felt his gifts weren’t as good as mine. So he got us a hotel room on Christmas Day.
But immediately when we get in the room he playful but persistently is asking me to leave after a pillow fight. He then confessed he was upset bc I didn’t say thank you for the gifts. I did. I’m confident I did. I still apologized and thanked him again.
But it got to the point to when he stopped “playing” he already made my energy low and definitely triggered me. I was quiet for a minute to process and just laid down. He kept asking me what was wrong and that my face was unhappy. So I just said we could talk later about it. He asked if he could lay next to me and I said yes and eventually I warmed back up and was ok.
That day and the following morning/afternoon (Dec 26) together was great he even skipped work to hang out later than he anticipated.
That same night he texted me “(my day was) Almost complete it just needed a lil sprinkle of you and it woulda been the full vibe🖤 I still wanna thank you more tbh so I might have you pick out another gift for yourself lol. Or maybe we can go out and get you an outfit you really like 🥰”
The following morning I texted him:
“Good morning dinosaur head 🖤 and that’s nice of you ☺️ I hope your day is running smoothly” @ 9:13am
He replied: “My day just started fr lol” @ 11:17am
I replied: Lmao I meant to put “I hope your day runs smoothly” 🤣 @ 1:16pm
He replied: “Lol that’s okay I appreciate it anyways” @ 7:02pm
“So when do you want this gift back my dude?” @ 8:06pm
“Ima just leave it at your apartment somewhere I’m sure you’ll find it. I had fun, take care lol.” @ 9:40pm
I had left work early bc I didn’t feel well and went to bed early so I didn’t reply + his own reply to me was 6 hours later….
I texted him this morning confirming if he was serious or joking. He said he was serious. I said why.
He said “Inconsistency + the silent treatment as a means of communication + playing the guessing game + making me have to make myself heard more than once”
I replied: “Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling well and I went home early + fell asleep at like 6:30pm. So I wasn’t purposely being dry. I will say I just got my period again this month too so my hormones are all out of wack making my moods inconsistent in general. I didn’t know that until last night so that’s why I was being weird towards you the other day. I get how your POV it felt like I was giving you the silent treatment but when I’m overwhelmed/triggered I shut down, I need some time to recenter + process before I can communicate. I wasn’t being passive aggressive towards you just a trauma response I need to work on.”
Which I regret bc I realized he has already blocked me on Instagram…
No response from him yet.
I know I’m not crazy. But am I in the wrong?? I feel like he may be controlling or trying to make me apologize. I’m so confused it’s actually bothering me.
I secretly feel like he may not be able to afford DC, or an outfit for me, he may have seen how my gift out weighed his and felt insecure or something??
I hate the dating scene.
9 comments
It sucks. That familiar disappointment. But you don’t want to be with this jabroni. He messes with you and gaslights you and keeps score of things. Everything that you’ve said about him makes me think that he’s a manipulator.
he sounds childish and needy, i think you dodged a bullet 🤷🏾♀️
Oof. Narcissistic people love to ruin holidays. I think you need to count your blessings and walk away.
Childish behavior
I think you got preety lucky in this situation cus how would he act in the days ahead? He’d play with your mental health trust me
He sounds quite uncertain of what he wants but he seems to want a motherly role of someone.
I think you dodged a bullet, he sounds almost controlling and very hot headed, like he’s triggered by the slightest change. Trust me you wouldn’t want to keep experiencing that.
Look up attachment theory. Sounds like the typical avoidant / anxious dance. I can already guess who is who.
I know everyone here is jumping to your side. But there’s 3 sides to every story. Your side, his side and the truth. So yes, based on *what you said* he does sound like he has issues. But you simply gave us .01% snapshot of your entire relationship so it’s not quite fair to jump to major conclusions
That’s the issue when people post here. They accidentally, subconsciously or sometimes even purposely give a very bias viewpoint of things, making the advice you get here almost useless. Is it possible you can talk to people that know much more about your relationship and you guys in general?