I (24F) learned personal lessons the hard way.
1. Just because you have feelings and hope for things to happen in a situationship, it WON’T happen. I liked a guy that told me he didn’t want anything serious as he isn’t in a point in his life for that (he’s very career oriented). I ended up falling him way too fast, told him I liked him, got rejected, and cried about it. This was literally a month ago and the final straw for me emotionally. It fucking hurt but I did it to myself. Which leads me to my next point:
2. I can’t do situationships or hookups. I’ve spent all of my 20s thus far convincing myself that I can do casual sex, hookups, etc…I cannot emotionally handle it. At all. No matter how much I try to fool myself into it, it never works out because I always end up emotionally attached to someone who never had the intention to be with me (or anyone) seriously. I fell for hookup culture. I enjoy sex a lot but I always develop feelings.
3. Always believe what men tell you and to stop looking into things too much. I’m guilty of looking for deeper meaning in actions or words. I’m guilty for daydreaming about people and romanticizing people because I yearn for love and a connection. This leads me to not seeing the reality of situations with men. If you’re questioning if someone likes you, take it as a likely no. If a man likes me, I’ll know. I won’t have to question and ruminate on every single interaction.
4. I need a break from dating. If I can’t love myself more, if I sob for days over a guy, if I do all the above…then I should not pursue anyone until I’m okay with myself more and more emotionally prepared for dating. It has been a long year of hopeless dates, of heartache, of one sided feelings. This ultimately leads me to my last lesson of 2022.
5. Learn better boundaries for myself and stick with it. I let myself be in these situations. I wasn’t honest with myself and what I could handle. I regret actions or things I’ve said while I was upset or sad about a situation when I should’ve just walked away and know my worth.
I also really realized this year that just because I view sex, kissing, dating as something more serious does not mean others do.
Overall, I don’t feel regret for voicing how I feel about someone or something. I’ve always been an open and honest person, even when it’s terrifying to do so. I’m a very nice and sweet person. I love deeply and fast. And because of this, I do get taken advantage of. Or I don’t stay grounded in reality at times. And I need to do better at protecting my inner peace.
These may seem like obvious lessons to most of you. And tbh, some are common sense. But I really feel like I needed to experience this because I can learn and grow from it. Failed relationships of any kind can be used for growing opportunities. I hope 2023 is better for my romantic life. But I also don’t feel like I should be going out of my way for love. I’ve deleted all dating apps and have muted the guy that I fell for on social media so I don’t see him anymore to prevent triggers.
Anyways, thanks for reading if you did and here’s to 2023!
2 comments
Ive had a few successful Fwb situations . . .. I mean not completely since im no longer talking to them. But we both didnt expect a relationship out of it. It was almost exactly like a relationship kissing hugging etc but we didnt have to get friends or family involved. We both were happy with the arraignment and enjoyed our time together. I know its not the same as a hookup or something casual. But its something I would give a shot with someone new. Ultimately I would like a regular relationship as its more long term. But with life being short its better than simply being single.
A fwb deal can only work if both people are on the same page. The fact that you always emotionally want more makes it impossible with your situation. I always suggest for women that the best way to not have casual sex situationships is dont put yourself in that spot to begin with. You have to make sure you go on at least 4 dates or more and you have to get a solid indication from not only the guy but yourself that it is something with potential. It doesnt mean you cant allow yourself to have sex and have affection but just make sure that there is some commitment involved even if its not official right awat