We all hung out once, but he made it weird when she began trying to read our couples astrology. She explained how perfect we were for each other speaking directly to me, but he kept feeling the need to interrupt to mention how they’re perfect for each other too. She tried to get him to stop, but he kept pushing until both of us got uncomfortable and she was ready to leave. I don’t even remember making it much further past that conversation.
Her and I have a lot in common and overall get along well, but he keeps making excuses about why I can’t hang out with them.
1. He claimed she didn’t like me, which was a lie, I asked, and she thought I didn’t like her because we never hung out after the incident.
2. He would always tell her that I didn’t want to come, even though I would ask.
3. He claimed I was going to start something with her because of their history. She’s made it very clear to me that she’s not into him, and all I want is a lady friend I can finally vibe with. Someone who just gets me. I’m not even “allowed” to message her or anything. He thinks it’s weird if her and I decided to be fb or instagram friends.
4. He said she was a lesbian and already mentioned how attractive I was, and he didn’t want all the attention to only be on me.
He finally asked me to hang out with them, but then asked me if I was sure because I mentioned in the past that it would upset me if they’ve been flirting this whole time, to which he said he wasn’t sure because they’re just “cool” like that. Which is odd to say or not really know of. I’m not trying to keep him away from a childhood friend, but it’s really starting to feel like he’s been chasing after her this whole time, and the only reason it hasn’t gone further is because of her. I really need some advice. I don’t feel jealous I still really like her and have never minded them hanging out, outside of his off hand comments to me about me being jealous. More so seems like he would try to get me riled up as to seem crazy so that he can show that to her.
He was constantly rotating his excuses, and when I try to talk to him about it he says it’s all of that, but can’t bring up anything I’ve done to deserve being seen the way he sees me. To me it feels like he feels like I’m in the way. He would bring up how they would hang out all the time before me, and I stopped that, but I didn’t get to ever speak to her until 6 months into our relationship, and he was the one pressuring me to move in so we could spend all of our time together.
24 comments
Does it matter? If you’ve been with him for 8 years, is this female friend important?
Let’s interpret these points in the worst light: he has feelings for her and kept you two apart because he couldn’t handle them / wanted to avoid those feelings creating any issues with you. Fast-forward 8 years, and you are the one he is with, not her. Even if he did have feelings, his actions show he isn’t acting on them and has focused on you–so why rock the boat 8 years in for something that seems to be in the past?
I mean, frankly it sounds to me like he likes her but she’s not interested so he got with someone a lot like her (you) instead, but is still kind of holding out hope that she’ll change her mind.
I could be totally wrong, but that’s how this reads.
She sounds cool, I’d drop him and hang out with her on my own. New friend!
8 years of being second string to his unrequited love. That’s….. dedication.
Dump him and be best friends with her.
It’s been 8 years so I think it’s safe to say there’s something there and that’s the reason why he doesn’t want you both mixing with each other. If he’s not prepared to fix the situation, then end it. It’s so odd that 8 years down the line and he’s still trying to keep you separated from her. Red flags.
Do yourself a favour, move on, you’ve already spent 8 years. Don’t waste another 8. Move on, have fun, work on yourself, maybe some therapy (understand why you would knowingly stay being a placeholder for so long) and then find your person. He ain’t your person.
8 years and he still treats you like a second option to a friend that has rejected him that you know of??? Leave him
1) if she seems cool, just eliminate the middleman and communicate directly with her. Your phone will work just as well as his.
2) your BF, as you’ve surmised, seems to be just not that into you. Do with that what you like.
There’s good news here. After 8 years, he’s still your BF and not your husband.
Maybe you should befriend her and ditch him?
Sounds like he’s been trying to have something with her and doesn’t want the two of you to compare notes.
I suggest getting together with her without him knowing and talk about everything with her. And after that , depending on what you learn, maybe get rid of him.
Confusing pronouns in that first paragraph
He has an EA with her, and that is why she doesn’t want you around. She considers you expendable, and he has gone along with it, so have you. Stop it and change the dynamic.
Please respect yourself and leave. Never look back. He’s a tool and has been gaslighting you for years.
Time for you to make him your ex, he is longing for a relationship with his female friend and your just the stop gap until he wears her down enough to date him.
He’s using you! Please respect yourself and find someone who chooses you to be number one.
Youre his placeholder till she warms to the idea of a relationship…. u need to cut your losses and exit.
I’d try to meet up with her anyway. Seems like she’ll have some interesting things to tell you about him if he’s so desperate to keep you away from her.
Sounds to me like he actually wants her and not you. You’re there to keep him occupied until I guess he can figure out how to get her instead. At which point you become expendable.
It baffles me that yall are in your late 20s acting like you’re in high school. Not you specifically, mostly him. I would leave him. Be friends with her. Start dating a man, not some dude who acts like a child who has a petty crush.
Damn you sure are underreacting here. Time to reread your post as though another person wrote it. He’s blatantly waving the red flags in front of you.
You’ve been putting up with being the side chick to his uninterested BF for 8 years???
Wow this is so deep. It seems your bf is not only the cheating type but also extremely jealous. As most cheaters tend to be. You and this girl sound like you could have a great bond together. Whether or not it is sexual between you two, it seems to be a more natural Friendship than either of you have with your bf