I need advice. I have a hard time talking to people normally online and in-person.

(14ftm) I’ve never been good at it and I think I’ve been getting worse. Whenever I create scenarios in my head, I’m fine at talking to people, but whenever It comes to actually talking to people, I go mute or just incredibly awkward. I can only talk to a few some people. (online friend, a few people in real life from my school, and my close family members.) I’m even having trouble talking to my online friend often now, I’m actually fine talking to him, it’s just him that isn’t, we used to be able to talk for hours and now we only talk once every week or so and it only lasts like half an hour because the entire time he’s just saying weird shit (spamming ok, oh, k, lol, yes, mashing on his keyboard and pressing enter), he likes to play video games with me but literally never talks in the chat section of the video game. He can talk normally for around 10 minutes but then he goes all weird. I like him a lot as a friend but I feel like he hates talking to me. (He also has pretty bad social skills/anxiety, so I don’t know whether or not he actually does). He’s changed a lot since we first met, we talk really differently to one another nowadays and it’s difficult to find a topic that he actually cares about or has any interest in, because he never wants to be the one to talk about each others interests, another really annoying thing he does is, I’ll ask him to do something for me, something really small like make a list of stuff he likes for whatever reason, he’ll agree to it and I’ll tell him I’ll be back soon, and then I’ll come back 10 minutes later and ask to see it and he’ll say “oh well I didn’t know any so I just assumed you’d make one for me” It really annoys me even though it’s a small thing, he expects me to know everything all the time, I just want a little help here and there but he refuses to give it.. Back to my talking issues, I used to have a pretty bad stutter, I still have a mild one but it only comes out when people mock it or I’m getting really nervous. I’m basically the “quiet” kid at my school, so I’m less than popular. Theres this one kid in my year level that basically treats everybody she sees like shit, for some reason she hates me the most out of everybody. She went to my old school for like a week and now makes fun of me and my friends everyday for the way we acted when we were 10 years old. She never even knew me at my old school, she just saw me walking around and never talked to me once, I don’t even know how she knows so much about what I used to act like when I was 10.

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If you read the very beginning, you will have noticed how I put (14ftm). The FTM stands for transgender, being queer in a school full of transphobia and homophobia has made my social issues even worse. I haven’t gone to school in a while because of family issues, butt the last time I went was almost directly after people were starting to find out that I was queer, I was glad to get out because I knew they’d give me hell for it. People didn’t even try to hide it, I could hear them talking behind me about me. I have an okay amount of people I can talk to, but I can’t really talk to any of them about personal issues or stuff like that and I’m not really in a position to be able to make more/new friends. I don’t really know how to talk properly to people (I don’t know what to say to them to make them respond to me) and I have trouble showing emotion, I think I might be on the spectrum but every time I’ve asked for help and to get me evaluated, I’ve been laughed at and told to go away by my parents. I’m a huge nerd as well. I’m huge into films and shows (star wars is my favourite. I’ve seen all video media about it and I’ve read a lot of books about star wars. My entire room is basically dedicated to it. I have 28 pop vinyls of characters from it so far.) and also comedy, war, action, and adventure type media. I don’t really have many mutual interests with anybody at my school, and If I do, I’ve never met them or they’re much older than I am. I mentioned before that I rarely go to school anymore because of personal/family issues. My mother is really sick and so I have to be at home helping her with stuff 24/7. I can hardly ever leave the house anymore because of her illness and it’s draining me.

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Any help at all is appreciated, especially when it comes to my online friend situation.