embarrassed and frustrated

anyone ever feel stupid or embarrassed for not keeping a conversation going, or even accidentally repeating the same stuff in the conversation unintentionally, only to realize it annoys and frustrates the other person, leading them to not want to talk to at all whatsoever? as someone with autism, it’s affected my life everyday since I was little, which is why it’s hard for me to make friends everyone (even online), making me feel less and less enthusiastic about “putting myself out there” and just wanting to shelter myself within.

I don’t know what it is, but where I’m from in California, a lot of people I’ve encountered are stuck up, “sophisticated,” and at times, feel like they’re more important than others….even having the audacity to look down upon someone like myself, especially when I explain the autism, depression and anxiety, saying “oh i feel sorry for you! why can’t you be normal like the rest of us? could you please be less annoying?”

I think one of the things that frustrates me and hurts me is when I tell others I’m autistic, they’ll be an asshole, saying “ooooh…..that explains so much”….like you actually know what it’s like in the mind of an autistic person everyday!

sorry….it’s been on my mind for the past couple weeks, and I just felt the need to talk about this

thanks for reading…and any fellow Californians, stay dry from the rain this week!