We’ve been married four and a half years, together ten. He’s had multiple health issues and went in to the hospital this week for emergency surgery. He’s been gone since Boxing Day and I don’t know when he will come home. There were complications. It was supposed to be a routine procedure but he’s had severe bruising, bad reactions to the meds and now heart issues. Like. I know he’s going to be okay but I’m struggling so hard. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m more focused on what I’m going through than him he’s been in so much pain and I’ve been afraid for his life a few times through this. How can I put my own stress and fear and worries aside and just be a champion for him?
I miss him and I want him to come home but I want him to stay there and be safe. I feel guilty for feeling both ways.
10 comments
It’s ok to be afraid. Just be there for him when he needs you.
Cope by doing healthy things. Go for walks. Exercise, meditate, etc
Honey it’s okay to be scared. Don’t feel guilty what you’re feeling is normal. I haven’t experienced this with my spouse. I’ve seen what it did to my mother , when my father was sick with covid last year. I will say this please don’t worry yourself so much where it makes you sick and effects your health. My mom still isn’t her self , and with recent family loss that doesn’t help either. Be there for him as much as you can ,tell him your daily routines and so fourth. Also make time for your self. I pray he heals smoothly and gets better soon sweetie.
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It is easier to be the patient than the one at home.
I do some really dumb shit at times which lands me in the ER and being admitted. My wife and I joke nervously that I go on vacation while in the hospital. It’s our way of dealing.
Recently I had a routine colonoscopy performed. During the procedure the Dr. caused a perforation of my colon, extremely dangerous and life threatening.
I was admitted and stayed as a patient for two weeks. The estimated ten times I had “been on vacation” my wife was always supportive, however it was the four words she said to me over the phone this time that brought me to tears. “This time it’s different.”
We both understood, although unspoken, I could die. It was the first time I truly understood the absolute hell she was going through sitting at home or at work worrying the next phone call would be the hospital.
Try to keep in mind, your husband is in the best place recovering, there isn’t any more you can do other than being your husband’s patient advocate. At the same time, take care of yourself physically, eat right and exercise.
It’s perfectly okay and very normal to be scared when someone you love is very sick.
My husband has some pretty severe health problems. There are so many good days, but the bad days are terrifying for me. In front of him, I can be a rock, doing everything I can to ensure his safety and get him to the ER quickly.
The last critical health scare took him a month to recover. During that month, I was his support system and caregiver.
I couldn’t allow myself the luxury of falling apart. I knew I couldn’t let him see just how scared I was of losing him.
I would cry uncontrollably in the shower or have mini break downs while alone, wash my face, and get back to him. I even told him I got soap in my eye because he noticed my eyes were red from crying.
Once he recovered, I was finally able to process my own emotions. I ended up crying uncontrollably for hours, while he just held me and comforted me. He allowed me to express my emotions and fears of losing him.
I’m not saying this was the right or healthy way to go about it, but I felt, at that time, he had more than enough to worry about. I didn’t want him to have to worry about my feelings on top of getting better.
But, yes, what you’re feeling is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Maybe talk to a family member or good friend. Try to be as strong as you’re able to be for him.
I sincerely hope your husband recovers quickly. Sending you both prayers for strength and healing.
Focus on him it will help you deal with your anxiety.
I’m sure it’s help if you went to see him EVERY DAY
Illness in one person who has a partner is not a stand alone illness. I have no advice just live in the moment, be grateful, think positive. It’s ok to cry. Sometimes tears are balm for the soul🤷🏾
sending 💕🕯️❤️🩹✌️
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