this has been a problem since 6th grade I think. hate is a strong word so maybe be embarrassed to be seen around with them. but honestly, I don’t really like the friends I make, and the people I want to befriend seem to intimidating to approach.
everywhere I go I make one annoying clingy friend or maybe they’re the one befriending me and they’re the only person I go around w cause I dont wannabe rude and nor do I have other people to turn to. I also desperately want to be a part of a friend group.
am I too judgemental of these friends and being picky for no reason. there’s a pattern in all my friends tbh. they’re academically less serious than me, don’t follow pop culture stuff that I wanna talk about, and well socially a loser, etc etc. do I attract these people bc maybe I share some qualities with them. am I just pretentious and a wannabe?
I have one bestfriend of 8+ years and she’s currently in another country and shes obviously better than my other friends and I love talking to her but there are constant moments I get embarrassed for her. will there ever be a friend I will genuinely like? do others judge their friends too? is this a me problem? do I need to stop w the nitpicking and be more open? I do like a few friends I have from different places but im afraid I only like them bc we don’t talk to each other every day.
also I think if get skinnier my social situation would be a lot better so is it about my insecurities
3 comments
Do you hate yourself? Best way to make low commitment friends is to get a hobby you can keep up with, salsa dancing, painting whatever you can do. Then rack up low commitment friends. Find out their interest and eventually throw a party or dinner party. Over time you’ll have a back pocket of folks you can rely on showing up to a shindig from different walks of life. Rinse and repeat. Warning it will take time. And the first shindig you might be upset at who doesn’t show. Shake it off continue with your hobby and continue inviting people but always keep it light. Lastly if you do have some issues with yourself look into that. Exercise is my go to medicine for feeling happier and loving yourself more obviously there are others but exercise that you keep up with will make you happier with yourself in the ling run and you might be less likely to get a annoyed by the behavior of others.
You have to make yourself interesting, likable and non-embarrassing to able to have interesting, likable, and non-embarrassing friends. Also, you need to set boundaries. If you don’t want to hang around a person, don’t. Don’t be overly judgmental, because then they are going to feel bad about themselves, but instead just draw boundaries and be honest. Tell them you don’t think you have enough in common and you’re too different from them. You choose your friends, but they choose you too. It should be a mutual thing just like any relationship. and you choose to leave friendships as well. However, you should also make sure you’re not the problem. If people you want to be friends with seem intimidating, maybe there’s some unresolved issues going on. It seems like you lack confidence in approaching them or hanging out with them. If you are more socially and academically savvy, (as well as pop culture savvy too), then maybe try to be around people that like similar things. And if those people are the intimidating ones, ask yourself, “Why are they intimidating to me if they are who I want to be friends with?” Or “What is stopping me from having the confidence to hang out with these people?” If they are intimidating because they are trying to intimidate or are mean people, then ask yourself, “Why do I want these people to be my friends if they make me feel this way?” Honestly therapy is awesome and I would say they can help you there. ☺️
I think all you’re doing is looking at the negative parts of your friends and never acknowledge the good parts so all it does is create a really negative view of really… everybody.
Ik its cheesy but start looking at the good sides of everybody you meet and interactions will get a lot more positive. No one is perfect.