Sorry poor story telling ahead. I’m F26, hubby is M30. Other guy is M29.
I love my husband entirely but the sex life is just terrible. No cheating incidents as well in this post.
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I always initiate sex. More than a year married and more than 2 years doing this and that, it’s always me who has initiated things. (No, I don’t think I’m a sex addict but sex is my top 3 expression of love and sex has been a great form of validation for me.)
I always initiate sex not too often but not too rarely. Hubby wants it too (perhaps) but he told me that he’s too shy to say it. Knowing his personality, I believe and understand that he’s really just shy and not the type to initiate.
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I like to satisfy my husband and make him cum and feel good. I even told him to use my body as he wishes or whenever he would feel like he had to release something … “fck me even when I’m dead tired or asleep and I’ll be totally fine with that!” I told him. “You can do me whenever you want!” I added
The past month has been “stress-free” and full of breaks. No work nor heavy tasks. Neither of us should actually feel too tired for some time in bed but nothing really happened this month as I stopped initiating it.
I stopped hoping that he would ask for it himself.
Hubby jokingly rubs his dick and doing “lewd” actions and poses. It’s funny at times but it turns me off. His antics and some of the things he does honestly pisses me off. Hubby not initiating sex “properly” really hurts my pride and ego. feel like a joke to him. He’s not boosting my self-esteem at all. Not having sex makes me sort of feel down about myself. I don’t feel attractive at all even though he tries to validate me by always telling me that I’m beautiful and pretty. I believe his kindness but I just don’t feel “empowered” by his words.
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I hate to compare but when our male friends were around talking about their cheating girlfriends, I thought of my past relationship. I’m still seeking for my ex”s touch. It’s not that the other guy is better in bed, but his words and actions, the way he sets the mood and the way he “longs” for my body really makes me feel sexier and beautiful. I know that this other guy is just after the sex and I totally understand that. I’m not into having a relationship with him as well. Best to say that we’re really just friends with benefits. I honestly and genuinely feel attractive when I was this other guy rather than when my husband whose dick gets too soft on me. It makes me overthink “Am I not that attractive? I don’t make you hard enough? Am I that bad?”
Idk what help to get actually.
4 comments
I am going to skip the long response and just say what everyone else will say:
-talk to your husband and set expectations. You are both adults. Communicate
-couples counseling
-leave him
That is the top three you are going to get here. Just pick one and try it.
He’s not boosting your self-esteem? You want him to initiate, he’s obviously very unsure of how to do this. He’s trying but not very confident in it and you’re response is that it’s not good enough for you and not boosting your self-esteem. Maybe try boosting HIS self-esteem by encouraging, engaging, and a bit of guiding. This is your opportunity to teach and get the sex you want. The anxiety and pressure you create is likely causing his ED.
Have you discussed what kinds of things work for you and the ways you would like him to initiate?
Poor guy can’t win for losing!!