Struggling with Break Up

Hi there! Looking for some reassurance, advice.

I (28F) have just been dumped by my boyfriend (28M) of 4.5 years.

He is from Scotland and had just started a job in England when he first met me via Tinder. We got on like a house on fire and loved being together. He moved away for 6 months with work, during which time we made the effort to see each other every weekend. He then moved back to where I’m from, which I was really excited about. Shortly after this, and whilst settling into his permanent job, he expressed desire to do something different/start a new project. He accepted a role in a team that would take him away in the week to Portsmouth. I was upset by this as I felt I’d only just got him back after 6 months of long distance. At no point did I express he shouldn’t/couldn’t take the job. He began this project and all seemed ok.

Lockdown hit and, rather than spend the time with his family in Scotland, he decided to move in with me and my family. We loved being together and there were no disagreements or indications of unhappiness. Things opened up again and he went back to work, coming back to me at the weekend. We decided to buy a house locally and moved in in December 2020. He had always expressed a desire to move back to Scotland (I had said I would go too) but with a job he liked here, there was seemingly no hesitation to buy and stay for a while.

We moved in and all felt great, lots of love, affection, liking to be with one another. The only downside was that he missed his parents being able to help with things (he got upset when trying to paint a ceiling and lamented the fact his dad was 300 miles away). Routines became engrained but things seemed happy. He would visit home as regularly as possible (I’d go too sometimes) but would always feel sad when he came back. When the talk of moving came up, it seemed too soon when we’d just bought a place in England. We agreed he’d need to visit home more often to stop feeling isolated.

His best friend got married last December and he acted strangely all day, indicating he didn’t feel connected to the day/occasion. When my cousin got married and he was asked when he would propose, he said it wasn’t on the agenda and worried that it should have been. He questioned why he wasn’t thinking this way and whether he should marry me. Marriage and children were not on the agenda yet. He was best man for his friend this July and again acted strangely in the reception. We had always indicated that we would marry and eventually have children (he’d even talked about if we were living in England that we’d marry in Scotland) but he seemed wary of it now.

After he was best man, he semi-dumped me one day, saying that he assumed I wanted to get married and have children me and he wasn’t ready. Doing these now would prevent a move home to Scotland for a long time, when he wanted to move soon. I advised I didn’t want marriage and children now and would move asap. Things were seemingly resolved, though there wasn’t much enthusiasm for him when looking for properties etc.

Move to November this year, our house is sold here and he has started a new job in Glasgow. He says “I don’t think I want you to move to Scotland and we should revisit breaking up.” I was shocked and upset – as far as I was concerned we were moving as he wanted. He said something felt missing and he was uncertain about me but wasn’t sure why. He said he still loved me. I gave him some space and moved back home when he agreed to counselling as a couple and wanting to try and resolve things as it wasn’t fair to throw away a relationship over doubts. Things improved slightly until he went to Scotland for Christmas. He came back a few days ago and was agonising again about the thoughts of breaking up. He was afraid of making the wrong decision either way he said. I said you either want me in your life or you don’t, which he couldn’t answer.

Two days ago I said he couldn’t go back to Scotland for the new year without giving me a decision (as I’ve been in absolute turmoil for ages). He said he thought the move and a new job would make him feel better, but it hasn’t and he feels so unsure of the future, so the reason must be uncertainty about me. He broke up with me and drove back.

I’m devastated and don’t know what to do. We’ve got a house to sell (the original sale fell through just before Christmas) but all I want is to move there with him. I’m his first relationship and he has expressed concern in the past about aging and what the purpose of life etc.

On one hand I think he’s afraid of commitment (the move to Scotland would be permanent in his eyes), he’s inexperienced when it comes to relationships and said he didn’t know how he should feel about me at this stage. On the other, his uncertainty seems to be about me, though he can’t say or work out where this has come from.

We’ve not spoken to each other since he left and I’m feeling very lost. It feels as though my world is ending.

Is it likely that he will use this time to think and regret what he’s done? Im terrified of him just being up there and forgetting about me.

Any advice/thoughts/sharing of similar experiences would be really appreciated. Thank you!

TLDR – boyfriend of 4.5 years has broken up with me. Wondering what to do as I’m not sure if it’s commitment issues or just me.