I traveled 1200 miles for a girl,then got cut off completely by her. What happened?
Really silly story that I would love to hear everyone’s input on. So this all begins on tinder(I know lol real great start) I’m from MI and had my location set on Denver Colorado because of a upcoming trip in February 2023. I was getting matches and telling them all I was feeling out the area for the upcoming trip. Then literally the perfect girl popped up, like all my tastes and desires rolled into one person like no joke(like my dream girl literally plunked from my fantasy) and she was around my age just two years older(I recently turned 30)I usually date younger but get annoyed cause there are no shared interests and this girl was the total opposite literally all the same interests as me and we hit it off because at the time I was also everything she desired in a partner as well. We then both deleted tinder and started talking every day and night for a month and a half sometimes our phones calls/FaceTimes would go on forever and we didn’t even noticed! Our conversations where so on point from shared interests, good conversations, and some real hopeless romantics shit that I’ve never felt!
The things I felt for her and having never met her was insane, I wasn’t looking for anything serious but with her I saw a future and I literally never have these thoughts nor do I jump into wat I’m about to explain.
All of our energy was reciprocated with each other I even shared with her my hobbies and personal interests that I never share. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m very superficial and don’t like letting people in mostly because I get irritated by people so easily especially ones that try to get close, also I like being in control so that there isn’t a possibility I get hurt.
Of course we wanted to see each other in person badly so I decided to check out Denver earlier than what was planned. I worked fully remote and have a lot of freedom to where I can freely travel so we picked a date and planned a romantic weekend with each other including meeting her friend for brunch on my second day (she told me she talked about me with every one close to her including her therapist). I was the happiest I’ve been in a long long time(I suffer from severe depression something I’ve learned to live with) I couldn’t believe I was finally going to meet her in person.
We met on December 10th and had a somewhat awkward meeting but got over the first time meeting nervousness after brunch(I was super out of it during this time because of the flight and already being up for 10 hours didn’t help). She was more prettier in person and I literally had butterflies. We drove around a bit then went back to her place where we got her dogs and went on like the longest walk just talking. one of the topics we had a lot of talks about is how we couldn’t wait to do every day mundane things with each other like grocery shopping, walking the dogs, and just existing in each others presence(our conversations are cringe af) after the dog walk we cuddled with each other and watched Netflix she was also taking pics of her dogs sleeping on me I was beyond happy. Then when it came time we went to our hot tub Airbnb to start off my first night with her I turned on a movie I started kissing her and told her how happy I was and that I’m going to be there for the long run……
She ran to the bathroom and started puking right then and there….. She made earlier comments that day she wasn’t feeling well and that she thought it was because she started birth control 2 weeks prior and that she’s been in a “bad mood lately” she said she’s going to power through it and we went back to cuddling and then she did it again I told her I wasn’t opposed to staying on her couch and that I wanted her to feel better and prefer not to force herself to hang with me. She then explained that everyone from her work had the stomach flu then showed me the group text.
She was very apologetic and said she didn’t want me to see her gross without makeup, she then asked if I could go to my friends(luckily I have friends out there) she then dropped me off we hugged little did I know that was the last time I would ever see her.
She texted me when she got home and I went out that night to see Denver. Next day she was very slow with her replies and said she was super sick and in pain I told her to get well and to text me if she needed anything. I was distraught there goes the weekend but I was more worried for her and wanted her to get well.
Then Monday happens I purposefully missed my flight so I could spend more time with her. She wasn’t responding after she told me she wouldn’t have time that week I stupidly jumped the gun….. I called no answer…. She then sent me a a text explaining she no longer had the same feelings and that the in person vibe was very different from wat she thought it would be….. I was devastated…… like im literally still the most hurt that I’ve ever been which is stupid because I knew her for such a short time and have gone through the ringer in life with a I don’t care attitude…… this whole experience destroyed me she then blocked me on all social media and I’m assuming phone number as well.
So what exactly happened here? I’ve been in such a bad headspace since I’ve been back and everything is worse since she made it clear she had no intentions to stay in contact nor cared to even call me after to explain.
P.S I will get over this and I could never be upset with her I had real feelings despite the short time we knew each other just want some anonymous input from this community
2 comments
Take the distance out of the equation, this was just a typical online date. You talk, build up an illusion through online connection then the reality was different. You’ll never know exactly what it was, was it a physical thing, was it a conversation style, was it an energy, or did it just not pan out to what she built in her head. Again, distance aside, the “I’m not feeling an in person connection despite how we meshed online” is probably the most common reason online dates don’t progress and this “where did I go wrong” question is being asked 30 times a day on these subs. Maybe you did nothing wrong per se, sometimes you’re just not feeling it
Can’t know for sure but my guess is she was super embarrassed about being sick on the first date.
That embarrassment caused a lot of anxiety and when she saw you or thought about you, she just remembered that horrible experience and the anxiety creeped in again. Thus her feelings toward you are now tainted by this experience and since it was so early on there is not enough other experiences to crowd it out.
You were coming on strong and this mismatch between her weird feelings and your strong feelings may have scared her.
I think it’s really just bad luck.
In any case you need to move on.