so last night i went to my gf house for a family party for new years. her fam is big on drinking so i drank. i got pretty drunk (my gf did too) & wasn’t going to risk driving home so i stayed the night. her cousin (19f?) & her friend (19f?) did the same. we were all drunk (great i know)
the 4 of us slept in the same room, with me & my gf on the bed & them 2 in a air mattress about 4-5 ft away from us. we were all getting ready to go to bed so the lights were turned off & everything. then my gf starts grabbing & rubbing my dick. after like 30 seconds i push her hand away cause i do not want to do that with people in the room.
this happens continuously for a while & i keep whispering “i don’t want to do this” “there’s people in the room”, “we shouldn’t”, etc. after a while she stops but after tossing & turning for a bit she starts to do it again. she keeps doing the same stuff & i keep reacting the same way but it just went on for so long eventually i caved in (my fault, ik).
i felt like i couldn’t really put a hard stop to it cause i couldn’t be loud as there were other people in the room who may or may not have been awake.
we had sex as quiet as possible until she finished & i was ready to sleep until she starts begging me to finish too. once again i caved in but with a condition, that she would swallow all my you know so there wouldn’t be much clean up. she agreed but proceeded to not do that & let me make a mess on myself.
this ain’t the first time she’s done something like this, there’s been a few other instances. also for context we’ve been dating almost a year and a half. i don’t know how to feel
TL;DR i feel like my gf pressured me to have sex while they were other people in the room who may or may not have been sleeping. i repeatedly showed i didn’t want to but she kept pressing me so i caved in.
46 comments
This was assault, and from the sounds of it not the first time she’s assaulted you. You should break up with her. I’m sorry this happened.
Imagine if the roles were reversed…this was NOT ok. No means exactly that- NO.
Coercion is sexual abuse. You are young, kick the relationship if that’s not the first occurence. It will not get better
This is sexual coercion. Its wrong however its dressed up. I’m sorry you are going through this, you need to move on she isn’t a good person or a healthy person to be with
You know what this is. Your girlfriend assaulted you and clearly doesn’t care what you say or want.
This is rape. You were raped. Your girlfriend raped you. This isn’t what a safe, healthy relationship looks like. There’s no excuse for what she did. Please leave her. I also saw you didn’t want to press charges, which unfortunately, is completely understandable.
You don’t deserve this, and it wasn’t your fault.
1. Misleading title, you weren’t “forced”, but pressured. Still abuse tho
2. Your gf is either shitty and/or thinks guys should be dtf all the time, and you should have a serious conversation with her about boundaries on this topic. Tell her how what she does makes you feel, and that if it continues you will have to leave her.
3. After doing #2, leave her if she does it again, because then she’s confirmed to be a selfish bitch.
No means no.
She shouldn’t bully you into sex. Get out.
If you are not ok with this behavior then it is not ok. She doesn’t respect you. Dump her
This is rape and coercion. Leave her immediately a
You were coerced into sex and that is unfair to you, you did absolutely nothing to deserve it, and you are right to feel uncomfortable with it.
I’m gonna offer a perspective that may be down voted and it’s a bit different than others I’ve seen — But I want to be as fair as possible to both you and your girlfriend, because presumably, you care about her after being with her for a year and a half.
Both you being a male & her use of alcohol is absolutely NO JUSTIFICATION — but are relevant to my opinion.
They are STILL a surprising number of people who really don’t believe that you can sexually assault a man. Especially when you’ve already been sleeping with him. Especially when you’ve already been sleeping with him, and a lot of alcohol is involved.
I know you said she has done this before. maybe because of her drunken state, or just the fact that you caved & presumably haven’t made a big fuss about it before, she may not truly understand how uncomfortable it made you or how much you did not want it.
if you have not done this already, I do suggest before ending the relationship that you discuss with her very clearly and candidly your boundaries, and that when you say no, YOU MEAN NO, & that just because you may have caved before does not mean that you wanted to or enjoyed it.
This conversation will go one of two ways. One with her being extremely empathetic and apologetic, the other, with her being extremely defensive. In one case, I think it’s worth staying and giving her another shot, and the other, I would RUN.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Best of Luck
Your gf assaulted you and coerced you into sex. She does not respect boundaries, she is a sexual predator and she is forcing you into gross sexual experiences that are abusive towards you and the people in the same room. Dump this predator. She will continue to push you to have sex infront of family, friends, strangers and will continue to ignore your consent and boundaries. Dump her before she gets you arrested for public sex and traumatizes you further.
Despite her coercion/ pressure you could easily have resisted further. No rape occurred here
Break up dawg , she doesn’t respect you and she ain’t worth it
https://www.rainn.org/ has resources for you.
This is eerily similar to what happened to me and my ex. After he did that, i didnt realize it at the time but it ended my relationship to him mentally, although it took some months afterward for it to really sink in and to officially break up with him.
It is sexual abuse. You did not consent, she did not accept you saying no. I’m so, so sorry you have to deal with this, and multiple times at that.
Please move on from this relationship, you deserve so much better. You deserve somebody who listens to and respects you.
If you feel like you cannot say no and if she is coercing you into sex then she is raping and abusing you. If this is not a deal breaker i don’t know what is.
Like everyone else has already said, this was sexual abuse and I’m so sorry it happened to you. You didn’t deserve that, even if you were drinking. If it isn’t ENTHUSIASTIC consent, it’s coercion…
No one else has mentioned this yet but it was also really, really inappropriate and borderline abusive to force you in front of other people, especially her cousins. Asleep or not (I certainly would have feigned being asleep…) They didn’t consent to being present for that either. She didn’t just disregard your feelings, she also could have potentially made her own family members really uncomfortable/upset by putting them in a situation where they’re witnessing sexual stuff they didn’t agree to be part of. Generally all around gross and inappropriate behavior. I hope you have people you can talk to or some kind of outreach/counselor etc you feel safe telling this story to.
this is not your fault. coercion is not consent. you’re dating a rapist. now you’ve recognised this, *please* break up with her. you deserve so much better, I promise.
No, means no. Regardless of gender, age, etc.
This is explicitly a rape. When you talk to her about it, use the word rape. I guarantee she won’t do it again.
It’s also gross she wanted to have sex with you with her cousin in the same room and the fact this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this you should break up with her this is abuse and coercion
She don’t swallow? Here comes the downvotes, but move on, sir.
A no is a no. What she did is NOT okay. And since she did it multiple times, you know it’s not a one-off. For your own sake, leave her and find someone who understands what is consent.
So you said no and she kept forcing the issue until you felt no other way out other than to have sex.
If you have a sister and she told you this happened to her what would you do?
I am sorry, I am against sexual abuse, but people in these comments are soft. Downvote me to hell.
She’s not a safe person to drink with. Also, my dude, coercion is not consent.
She, at *minimum*, assaulted you.
This wasn’t the first time, and if you stay with her it won’t be the last.
She’s the worst kind of person, imo.
So many of these stories and seems that “no means no” only applies to women. She definitely pressured you to have sex when you didn’t want to. This is a game to her. She liked the idea of being caught and or probably bet her cousin she could have sex w you so she could hear.
I’d also go as far to say this girl would “baby trap” someone to stay w her so be careful. If it were me and this wasn’t a one time thing I’d leave & find someone who doesn’t force themselves on me.
Your girlfriend was using coercion to sexually abuse you and that’s not okay. You should seriously consider dropping out of this relationship and breaking up with her. It’s not okay that she did this let alone do it multiple times as you mentioned. It’s manipulative and cruel and sexual assault by coercion.
You should definitely confront her on this. If not for you, then for the next guy she has a relationship with. This kind of behavior is not only gross and unacceptable but dangerous too.. Not only did she force herself on you, she has complete disregard for the other people in the room as well.. They didn’t ask to see/hear/experience that..
Hi friend, let me start by saying this is NOT your fault at all. Do not blame yourself. I’m sorry that some people are being disgusting in the comments as well. You are allowed to say no. You don’t have to want sex 24/7. She coerced you & assaulted you. This is rape and I am so so sorry.
Op, you say this isn’t the first time this has happened? That is not okay. I highly recommend you looking into resources that can help male survivors of sexual violence. I know getting out of a relationship like that can be hard, so please lean on those in your life that care about you & leave this situation as soon as possible. She is an abuser. No means no, period. This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. Someone who cares about you will not do this sort of thing to you. I saw in a different comment that you still love her, and leaving someone who you feel love for is so so so hard. But she is a predator. She will continue to hurt you if you don’t put an end to it.
I know some other users have linked resources, but I will link this one again just in case: https://www.rainn.org .
I also saw another user mentioned you orgasming as a sign that this was not assault and you were into it. This is simply not true, and please don’t let that invalidate your experience. Orgasming is a natural physiological response. The fact that you had an orgasm does not make this any less of an assault.
Op, I hope that you are able to heal from this. You are still so young. There are resources out there & people who want to help you through this. Don’t let people invalidate your experience due to your gender.
Sending hugs your way.
Oh my god 😀 run. In all seriousness this is very scary and you won’t be able to trust her after this. Especially because it’s happened more than once. Respect yourself, and take care of yourself, future you will thank you for saving him from more trauma.
I think it’s so awesome that people are finally viewing the sexual abuse men receive as actual abuse. It’s awesome to see the comments of support. For a long time it would have been “lucky guy” or “can’t rape the Willy”.
Even though you caved, this is still persuasion. From one guy to another, this is still not OK, even if it doesn’t feel like she manipulated and coerced you.
I can’t say “leave her” like so many others might jump to, that’s for you to decide in the long run. What I can do though, and I hope this helps, is give you my advice:
Whenever she starts to pressure you like this, either in a public setting like this situation, or just times when you don’t want to and it’s just you two, make a point of saying no two times; once when she first starts, and again after she’s stopped and started touching you again. If she starts getting handsy a third time, straight away get up, put jogging bottoms on or something, and walk out the room, no words. Make your actions speak louder then what you’re saying, so she hears you. If anyone asks, say you need a drink or need to use the toilet. If she follows you and asks why you got up, explain all of this to her. If she doesn’t follow, give yourself 10-15 mins to physically calm down (erections doesn’t mean consent either, it’s a physical reaction to stimulus) and go back to bed. If she starts again, do the same thing, get up, walk out. Hopefully she will get the hint and stop.
But this should be a serious conversation between you two if this keeps happening.
Good luck OP.
OP I’m begging you to end things with this girl. If she can’t see how wrong what she did is then what else does she think is ok?
not your fault. you said no, she didn’t listen. time for this relationship to end. she’ll keep this up for the rest of your relationship, it will not get better. she doesn’t respect you. get out please
She has no respect for you or your boundaries. This IS/WAS sexual assault. You were pressured into saying yes, and that is not actually a form of consent. Definitely break up with her, you don’t deserve that and it isn’t something that should be seen as okay.
Lol stop buying this bullshit you gullible people. Serious, it scary how easy you accept this.it’s obviously fake bollocks. Stop it. Down vote it, be done with it
she’s coerced you into having sex after you repeatedly said no. she raped you honey. i’m so sorry.
Looking at your past posts plus this one 🚩🚩🚩… please leave this relationship and never return. This is a very toxic relationship and she is becoming more careless and now abusive the longer it goes on. Please leave this person, they do not care about you, you will find someone who will treat you so much better than this. See a therapist if possible to deal with the trauma of this situation. It’s tough but will help in the long run.
This is sexual assault. It isn’t your fault for *caving* as you put it. She continued to push you even after you said no multiple times. That’s not okay OP. Have a sober conversation of boundaries with her at the minimum please!
OP, please reevaluate this relationship, it is unhealthy.
It’s not your fault you caved. She wasn’t going to stop pressuring you or trying to force sex on you, and you were in a position where you couldn’t safely leave. Realistically speaking, you didn’t have much of a choice.
Once sober, sit both of you down and have an adult conversation about how this made you feel. Could be a form of SA. Probably is, or at least a form of sexual coercion.
Female to male SA / SC gets downplayed. “who doesn’t want a horny GF / wife putting out all the time?” But it’s a real thing.
Nah bro.. that is so wrong on so many levels. Your girlfriend coerced you into sex.. that’s rape. Straight up. Then proceeded to try and embarrass you afterwards. Get out of there quick
Sending hugs. Please say you’re going to leave that sorry excuse of a woman.
Edit:Also, maybe consider contacting authorities.