Dating for a few months and he has never given me head. I asked him about it, he said he rarely does it but I think he does not want to since he has had many opportunities. I consider mutual oral sex to be part of a good relationship. Should I leave it alone, not sure how to approach this.

47 comments

  1. Don’t go down on him till he returns the favour, he will understand why this is mutually a big thing to you both, in no time x

  3. That is his personal sexual boundary. Either respect it or find someone who will go down on you.

  4. He’s entitled to his boundaries. You need to decide how important this is to you

  5. Have you talked to him about it without including an ultimatum? Do you have a good understanding of why he is opposed to it?

    Look, he is allowed to have his sexual boundaries just like you are. You do have to respect those boundaries. You really shouldn’t threaten him, manipulate him, pressure him, punish him, or begrudge him on those boundaries.

    Don’t fall for the double standard. If a woman can say no to giving head, so can a man.

    You can ask for it. He can say no.

    And if he does, you have a couple of options. You can decide it is a deal breaker and break up with him. But if the juice is worth the squeeze, you can work with him to find other things that can be done to meet your sexual needs and are within his boundaries.

  7. Then don’t go down on him. But seriously girl, find a more giving partner. There are plenty of guys out there who are down for it.

  8. I honestly am confused why some men wouldn’t want to go down on a woman. I would in a heartbeat.

    But to answer the question, it is a boundary that you have communicated. If he is not accepting that communication and not making changes, then you have options.

    1. don’t go down on him until he reciprocates.
    2. leave him and find someone who will go down on you.

    It is fair for you to watch to get head but it is also fair for him to not go down on you. You are incompatible.

  10. He doesn’t have to. No one is obligated to participate in any sexual act. If it’s a deal breaker for you then leave

  12. You need to have a discussion with him about it; see if you can compromise. If he can’t, and you feel strongly about it, then it’s a dealbreaker. There needs to be compromise either side.

  13. Now is the perfect time to figure out which sexual compatibility issues are make or break for this relationship. It’s a very new relationship. Hardly a loss if you cut your ties. Don’t settle.

  14. I know plenty of guys aren’t into it. Don’t know what to tell you. My best friend is an incredible guy and loves his girlfriend to death and wants to keep her happy in every way. However, I know he doesn’t enjoy doing that (I’ve known him forever). Sure, his girlfriend could ask and he’d oblige but he wouldn’t actually like it. Why would she want that then? I mean.. I guess. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Isn’t it ok that some people just don’t like performing certain sexual acts? His girlfriend I know also doesn’t like giving oral. Im pretty sure he’d want it (obviously), but has never asked her to because she.. doesn’t like it. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think you’re seeing is as something other than a sexual preference. It’s not a form of respect or admiration or love or.. anything. Not in my book anyway. There is something that I like doing that my boyfriend doesn’t so we.. just don’t do it. It means nothing. We do other things we both like. I feel like as long as you’ve got a mutually satisfying and loving sex life, one act that he doesn’t like to do shouldn’t change anything.

  16. He might not like it, or he’s had a bad experience before.. me I love it, I stay down until my beards soaked.

  18. As a guy that loves going down on chicks, It saddens me to see so many of these posts on here…

    Fellas: take care of your ladies, or I will 😂

  19. Sexual compatibility is important for a fulfilling relationship and you need to address that.

  20. He’s allowed to say no but I couldn’t have a relationship without it. Sex is too important to me. He has boundaries, I have standards that his boundaries don’t meet. And that’s perfectly fine.

  21. >I consider mutual oral sex to be part of a good relationship

    If you consider it part of a good relationship, this is not one!
    If he wanted to, he would. I would be out.

  22. Sexual compatibility is important, but if it’s not for him it’s not for him. My boyfriend refuses to go down on me, but I don’t mind and still give him head because he makes up for it in the affection and care he gives me. It depends on if it’s a severe dealbreaker for you and if it outweighs every single other thing in your relationship you think is good. It’s about balance

  23. If he doesn’t want it then he doesn’t have to BUT if this is something you really enjoy then you may not be sexually compatible.

    I love pleasing my partner and making them feel good and I want a partner that wants the same for me. So this would be a dealbreaker.

  24. You shouldn’t press him about it. Itll make him more uncomfortable and might make him more insecure about himself maybe he’s had a bad experience. Maybe have a sit down or something.

  25. Personally I wouldn’t get into a relationship with a man who didn’t want to go down on me because that just sounds miserable. Your only options are to deal with it or leave

  26. you’re only a few months in, get out before you get more committed tbh. The people below who think you not doing that for him because it should be reciprocal is coercion — that’s a bit far lmao. I don’t know his reasoning, but I do know that women in heterosexual relationships have fewer orgasms (“the orgasm gap”) on average than their male partners because the female orgasm isn’t valued like, societally at all. Everything is always about dicks. Find a guy who actually cares about your pleasure.

  27. He’s allowed to say no he doesn’t do that, just as you’re allowed to see his choice as a dealbreaker and something you won’t tolerate in a relationship.

  28. It isn’t for everyone I guess, maybe talk to him about your needs, could be he simply doesn’t like it or perhaps he’s afraid he can’t perform? Just have a talk about it and see what he says!

  29. Well …he could not like….but more of me thinks he is insecure with his technique. I haven’t met a guy that didn’t love to go down on a woman….but i also have never found a four leaf clover..

    I would ask him what’s up and be sensitive if he is insecure….

  30. Dump him, especially if that’s important to you… and especially if he wants that from you, but won’t reciprocate.

    Some people don’t want to do oral and that’s okay, but it doesn’t mean you have to stay.

  31. Maybe you guys can just try some other things.

    I’m assuming you guys have sex (vanilla), kiss, and cuddle.

    Maybe you can ask him about some things he wants to try or you can show him how to do some things with his hands.

    Just think of some other ideas for you or him. Communicate and don’t get upset if there’s some things people don’t know much about or don’t want to try.

  32. So I absolutely love it, BUT there have been girls I haven’t had a desire to with, and I know right then and there that we aren’t compatible.

  33. My experience with guys like this is that whatever reason is in their heads is going to stick. Sorry :/

  34. It’s always been me going down on the girl and they never return the favor. It’s bullshit!! Haha jk but it would be nice for them to return the favor

  35. If you are asking this question now, you will grow to resent him over it later. Talking from experience…

  36. My X-SO hardly ever gave me head, but constantly demanded itz snd Id happily acquiesce, because I wanted to get her pleasure. Felt very unfair. I thought relationships were two way streets?

  37. It’s not a mutual “contribution” thing, if you dont enjoy giving him head or if you dont feel comfortable you should stop. And you should absolutely respect his opinion of not wanting to go down on you…

  39. Some people don’t like it. Don’t push others to do stuff they don’t like. Just because you do it on him, doesn’t mean he should return it if he’s not into it. I personally don’t like giving oral, very rarely I am in the mood, and although I love people doing it on me, I don’t expect them to do it. I was in a relationship with oral once or twice in 8 months, and it was fine for us, plenty of other stuff to do. In another relationship I received it very often, but never really did it back and it was fine for both of us. Mutual decision. If it is a deal breaker, just break up. I hope others can see my perspective as well as a person who isn’t a fan.

  40. No one can help you if you don’t find out *why* he doesn’t do it. Maybe he doesn’t like it, and that’s a reason for you to move on. But I’ve met a number of men in life who didn’t do it because they were “afraid they would be bad at it.” They hadn’t had any practice and no one ever asked, so they were insecure in their abilities. All it took was letting them practice without pressure and they all turned out to really enjoy it. Of course consent matters but it’s worth asking for more explanation.

  41. Address it now. I was in a very long, very miserable marriage where sexual issues were never addressed appropriately. It was far too much stress. Save yourself.

  42. I’d leave. He’s not comfortable or willing to meet your expectations, why waste your time?

  43. Well you can try refusing to go down on him but that’s never a good start to a long and healthy relationship

  44. Current 3yr relationship – she’s never gone down on me, I have on her. I enjoy giving, she doesn’t, and she told me early on. I accepted. That’s it, I respect her choice, regardless if I’d like otherwise.

  45. Have you checked your odor or taste? I’ve dated girls who were just too strong down there and I didn’t know how to tell them, so I would just lie. In my youth I’d also have an aversion to eating out bigger girls. Something about how it all looked down there felt gross. I talked to my guy friends about it and was shocked at how many felt the same way. I’ve seen realized how silly that is but hey we all gotta grow.

  46. mmmmm Ok so there is of course the idea that he just doesn’t like doing it. In which case either you deal or leave.

    There is also the and im not trying to insult you possibilities of. Are you clean down there properly? And I personally don’t like going down on women who don’t shave cause…… bad experiences with hair getting into my mouth/throat blech.

    Course some guys prefer hair so idk. My only advice is to have a full conversation until you have a for suresies answer not let it get blown off. And decide if it’s something yall can reconcile of not.

  47. Some people just can’t handle oral. There could be an infinite number of reasons why. Have an open and honest conversation about it. This shouldn’t be limited only to going down on you, but desires/needs in general and willingness to fulfill them. If that’s a hard stop for them, they may be plenty willing to do other things that equally meet your needs, e.g. if they won’t go down on you, they can learn better hand technique or be willing to use toys. FYI this does go both ways. I’ve slept with at least two men that didn’t want oral on them, so we just briefly discussed what else they’d like

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