Men, what are some things that you expect a women to bring to the table in a relationship or to pursue a relationship with you besides sex?

Update: 22F asking

43 comments

  3. Personally for me stability is the big one

    Plus’s –
    Trying to match energy regardless of current situations etc / kinda vague but this applies to just about everything.

    A nice to have –
    A decent paying job with the room to grow with in reason. Not saying sugar mama type deal but not having to worry if your going to miss bills etc.

  4. Be financially stable and personally/socially independent. Those are the basics.

    Taking it a step further, I [27M] look for minimal debt, some amount of higher education, and general physical fitness. Doesn’t need to be a model, just healthy.

  5. I wouldn’t expect much from a 22F to be honest. You are still a kid but of course as someone older I would hope she is mature , polite , had decency , playful and faithful.

  6. Women having self respect is a huge green flag. If you give off the desire to have sex on the first date it’s an immediate no from me. Self respect also translates into wanting nice things for yourself and your partner. Think vacations, good food, clean house.

  7. Look as a man who made mistakes and learned from them you need to be upfront honest and genuine. A real man won’t mind if you don’t have your shit together or not. Unless your on meth and stuff we avoid those problems. And if any other so call man tries to say bull shit then they are definitely a child

  8. In boxing theres this guy called the cut man whos in the boxer’s corner. He basically patches the boxer up, encourages him when he needs it and generally has his back.

    Thats frankly add I need from you when the novelty of sex has passed. I dont care what your job is or how much money you make, neither makes you any more attractive.

  10. Have your own hobbies and friends, work on your career and education and add positive value to your partner’s life.

  11. You should bring as much as what you take. Each relationship needs different things. You should improve someone life and vice versa.

  14. I’m in my early 30s.

    I expect from women around my age:
    Loyalty, emotional and financial stability.

    No time for games and I’m not your sugar daddy.

  15. A solid career path with a similar general salary range as mine (65k-120k range), her own friends & family, her own education (preferably Masters) and passion about her field, a reasonable amount of her time, energy, & emotional availability, her own life experiences & stories & interests and hobbies… In short, I want a PARTNER. I want us both to be bringing about the same stuff to the table, more or less.

    Then again I’m 32 so I’m looking for different things than a guy in his early 20s wants.

  16. I would expect them to have some degree of self sufficiency, namely income, but other than that really just someone to hang out, have sex with, and generally vibe.

  17. As a 30 y/o from a 22 y/o? Beauty and respect. The rest will fall into place as the relationship develops, but generally I wouldn’t go for a 22 year old, you most likely still want to have fun and mess around and explore and aren’t ready to settle down.

  18. Personally, these days I have zero expectations from women, fewer disappointments that way. Just go with the flow, and if its not working out, you move on.

  19. This “bringing to the table” is a misogynistic social construct made by people who view relationships in a very transaction lense. If a guy ever asks that it’s a red flag 🚩DO NOT PROCEED!

  20. hmmmm.
    i have a few boxes to tick tho not many.

    For initial date.

    1. I have to have an physical attraction. Doesn’t need to be like supermodel but you know if I could not see myself having sex with her the it’s a no.
    2. Taking care of herself. I don’t mean constantly dressed to the 9’s but at least not like….. dirty havent bathed in a long time you know.
    3. A surface personality I can get along with.

    For a relationship

    1. The physical attraction though the better I know and get along with my partner the less this matters.
    2. A interest or at least openess to the hobbies and interests I have. She doesn’t have to participate per say but at least be willing to chat with me about them once in awhile.
    3. Interests of her own. Whether they are the same as mine or different. A partner with something she can get excited and talk to me about is a huge huge plus. I’ve been with women who just…. don’t… do… anything and it sucks. I love it when she gets that excited look on her face and sound in her voice when talking about something she loves to do.
    4. Someone who helps to bring peace to our lives not causing unnecessary drama. Life is hard enough without someone who seems hellbent on making it harder. I want to be and to have someone who is a safe place and doesn’t bring strife and stress that isn’t necessary to our lives.
    5. Someone trustworthy and who trusts me.

    I am sure I could come up with more but those are the things that pop into my mind primarily and this is getting long.

  21. An open mind/general willingness to compromise and work together. Integrity and a sense of personal responsibility. If you say you will get something done, it should get done. Ideally some hobbies or interests that we share and others that we don’t. I don’t care much about income, but being somewhat financially aware/responsible is a big one.

  23. I’d say put in an effort to have me like you. And if you want to know how to really succeed with that I would recommend using your feminine beauty to make my reputation great socially, be attentive and responsive to my needs and leave me space for liking you. You’ll have a man who’ll treat you reaaalllll well. And it’s so unfortunate that a lot of these naturally feminine qualities are stigmatised as being old school or sexist by the feminist movement. If it makes you feel like a woman then it’ll make him feel like a man and he’ll like that.

  25. The types of qualities that you should strive for are the ones that would make you a good wife/mother.

  26. Understanding. Men’s relationships in life tend to be shallow and not involve a lot of recognition of themselves as individuals, especially not in their capacity as emotionally vulnerable beings, instead focusing on social surfaces and capabilities. Being really *seen* as individuals and accepted for those tends to be incredibly seductive to men, and imo is a lot of what happens where guys seem to get crushes on every woman who they have a substantial emotional connection with even when its platonic.

    Writing it all out like that makes it seem really narcissistic but lol I guess.

  27. * We have to mesh dynamically
    * She *has* to have similar world beliefs as myself. Conflicting world views is a recipe for disaster.
    * I have to be able to tell she’s being honest and genuine. Trust is big for me, and if I can’t trust you from the word go, then it’s better we look elsewhere.
    * She needs to be open to trying different things. I’m happy to share in experiences I’m not particularly fond of if it means deepening the relationship. I at least expect she’d be willing to risk a bad date now and again if it meant spending time together.
    * She needs to be at least willing to forgive others. I don’t expect her to be as willing as I am to forgive, but I can’t be with someone who holds grudges over every little inconvenience.
    * She needs to be willing to look stupid every now and again. I’m not perfect, neither is she. Occasionally things are going to go a bit too well at the wrong time. Be willing to let the pride go.
    * She needs to understand we’re building a future together. We will fight, we will go to bed angry, and we may reach impasses. It needs to be understood, though, we’re both acting with the intent of building a life together, and we aren’t always going to see eye to eye on how to do that.
    * I expect she’s not pursuing other people. I cannot stress enough that I understand emotions will spike when seeing an attractive stranger, but it is 100% unacceptable to act on those desires. Sadly if we’re committed we both have to accept that we’re trading all potential encounters for the stability of us.
    * She has to want biological children. It’s a big want on my part, so I’d at least hope she wants kids as well. I understand life gets in the way, but she doesn’t deserve to be saddled with the burden of comprise.
    * She has to at least be mindful of her health and be proactive in addressing her mental health if she feels issues arising, with or without me as necessary.
    Suffice to say…I really just want to find a good woman I can rely on as we make our way through life. I don’t much care about anything else aside from finding her physically attractive. She literally doesn’t need to bring anything else to the table aside from the ability to bear responsibility for herself, and not possess a large amount of debt.

  29. Jesus all these guys are wildin. When I was 22 I was broke, divorced and fresh out of college. Between the crippling depression and ptsd I was a mess for a long time. Two suicide attempts, years of therapy and a lot of angst later and I have three kids and a wonderful second wife who had also been my high school sweetheart before we graduated and broke up.

    My point is, fuck all this noise that you gotta be stable and all that shit. As long as you got a full belly, a roof, and a goal, you’ll be fine when you meet somebody to date. “Bringing to the table” is a weird thing to worry about when the whole point of dating is finding somebody. If how much you earn or how physically attractive you are are a dude’s main priorities over your vibe, hobbies, etc then he ain’t right for you.

    You’re young, you’ll figure it out. 22 is pretty much newborn to some people. Just take it easy, love yourself and trust the journey. You’ll get there

  32. Being self-sufficient financially, but also mentally and physically.

    That is, they are responsible for their own mental and physical health. They also should not see me as a bank account.

  33. – Physical attraction (keep in shape basically)
    – Peace (don’t cause trouble and drama)
    – Learn how to cook and manage household things
    – Be compassionate and nurturing
    – Cut contact with other guys you talk to for no specific reason (unless they’re coworkers or long term friends). Especially you ex (or exes)

  34. Financial and emotional maturity are non negotiable for me, but the no-brainer is a positive outlook (willingness to talk and to improve in the daily basis).

  35. A good ecosystem with the SO and being in a symbiotic relationship with the person instead of just “relationship” .

  36. Honesty & open communication meaning like we can talk about literally anything without judgement. This spills downstream to almost everything else because without communication there is nothing. Also please bring good sandwiches 🥪😄

  38. Being open to take part in the guy’s hobbies.

    I’ll make an example:

    A female friend of mine has been in her current relationship for 8 years or something like that. She jokingly says her boyfriend doesn’t like to go shopping and she would enjoy for him to do it more. She also complains he plays videogames a lot. I asked her “why don’t you get close to videogames then?” and she answer because she doesn’t care for them.

    First of all, it sounds like she’s an asshole: she isn’t. Their couple works perfectly.

    But still, it shows that a lot of people (not only women) would like their partner to enjoy what they do but rarely put the effort in to enjoy what their partner does.

    Like for example I don’t enjoy animes. If I started dating a girl who likes them then i’d try and get into them more even if they’re really not my thing.

  39. * There must be physical attention – if I can’t bring myself to have sex with her then I won’t date her
    * I must like her personality on at least a surface level

  41. Having interests is really important. I never enjoy spending time with ppl whose sole hobby is going to happy hour and brunch. I just love it when someone is really enthusiastic about something, even if it’s something I don’t care about.

  43. 1.) Physical attraction
    2.) Her own goals
    3.) Adult skills (it’s 2023 sorry both of us have to know this stuff)
    4.) Financial responsibility
    5.) Good morals and values that complement mine (nothing turns me off faster than a woman that is selfish and ONLY thinks about her self, whereas if she brings up real world issues that she’s passionate about, that gets me interested)
    6.) She adds value to my life/makes me happy.

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