People who decided to work on yourself first before looking for relationship. How has it been going?

13 comments

1. Pretty terrible I’m almost 30 and I’m still working on myself

2. So far no luck

3. Yep……I 100% did this. At age 28 had been in and out of some bad/meaningless relationships. Part of my problem is still not having full processed grief from a past trauma. So yeah, decided that relationships and women were actually a distraction from this and it was time to really work on myself. At age 30, this little angel fell out of the sky and into my life. If it had happened just 1 year prior, I might not had been ready for her. So far, 22 years together.

4. Highly recommend.

   I got divorced and spent some time getting back in shape and starting some hobbies instead of jumping directly into the dating pool. Knowing you have something to offer makes dating much easier.

   Follow on, the effort let me meet my wife.

5. I did it. Was unhappy with a lot of stuff about myself. Spent a couple years working on it. Started dating the woman who became my wife, actually a little bit before I’d considered trying to date again. Obviously now married. Happily. I think there is a lot to be said about being comfortable by yourself so that a partner is an addition to your life rather than a crutch.

6. Pretty good to be honest. Better of financially, emotionally and physically. Honestly have zero fucks to give because no matter what shit will be okay

7. Still a wreck. I decided I can continue working on myself while meeting women though, figure I’ll eventually meet one as fucked up as I am.

8. I’m a female, but I did this after my divorce.
   And the man I’m currently dating did this after his last breakup 7 years ago. It’s obvious we both have put in some work and our relationship is pretty solid 3 yrs in. Pretty sure he actually worked harder to improve than even I did…

   I think those of us that intentionally worked through some things, went through some tough counseling and getting real with ourselves, it really pays off.

   Unfortunately, what a lot of people consider working on themselves consists more of the agonizing decisions of whether they like pancakes or French toast better, coffee or tea, mountains or beach…rather than getting to the bottom of their flaws and insecurities.

9. I was an obese all my life. I was in a 7 year ling relationship which ended because she cheated on me. I got closer to an old crush, confessed my feelings for her, got rejected. It was my rock bottom, heart broken, major trust issues, depressed, slowly moving towards alcohol abuse, 132 kgs, all at the age of 25.

   Something hits me one day. I start afresh. Quit alcohol, took one year to reach 64 kgs, got into gymming and running, got into a few flings and one nighters. Meanwhile I got back in touch with the old crush, but with a completely different I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. Now we are in a situationship.

   So turned around pretty well I guess.

10. I’m 47.. hell yeah it worked.. I met my match right after my 40th birthday..

    We dated for 5yrs and it was so much fun..

11. The work is going well but no relationship so far. I’m not very good at saying the right things, I guess

12. I ended up in a relationship before having a chance to try.

13. WElp after a wonky relationship that, as many of my friends labelled it, was “probably the worst mind fuck they’d ever seen”, I swore off dating. Which for me is incredibly weird. Had no interest in it at all, no desire, no nothing. Was completely numb for months afterwards. Just decided to tkae one day at a time and see how it went.

    Six months later, it’s all right. I still have no desire to put myself out on the market, with very few exceptions that I know will never happen. Not really worried about it really. Just doing what I want and if anyone wants to join me great. If they don’t, their loss.