Dear Ask Men, Would learning that a woman you’re dating is also dating other men make you chase her more or make you back off? Why or why not?

27 comments

1. “Also dating other men”? Yeah nah. Im not competing for her. Im not desperate

2. I would be done. I’ve never tried to date more than one person at the same time, l expect the same from anyone I’m dating.

3. Back off, unless it’s been made clear early on (then I wouldn’t be learning anything new) then I wouldn’t be comfortable in that sort of relationship.

4. To each their own. Not my thing.

5. Back off. Not worth the effort.

6. That’s not normal in my country and would be considered cheating, so definitely cut things off.

7. I don’t chase to begin with. I’m not in high school anymore. I’m certainly not competing with other guys for her attention either.

   I’d probably either leave or keep a fwb situation if it was a option.

8. Other way of Phrasing it: “Dear Men, would a woman giving no f*ck about your feelings by cheating on you with multiple other guys make you love her more?”

9. 99% of the time I would choose to back off. There is a *slight* chance I would pursue harder, but only if I really know the person well and get along with them well. Maybe if we were already very close friends and I was trying to be seen as a potential romantic interest.

   If it’s just some random woman though, nah I’m good. I’d feel like I wouldn’t be able to relax and be myself and all of the preliminaries would be forced, not natural. I don’t really like being in that environment, and I’m generally someone who likes to pursue more hard-to-get women.

   I prefer to date one person at a time, and I really dislike the culture of dating more than one person. That’s just me though. Some people prefer it that way but I am not one of those people.

10. Lol Why would anyone who respects themselves pursue or chase (under those circumstances)? Nah, fam. Walk away. If they won’t bother with you, why bother with them…fuck all that.

11. more likely to back off, I’m not wasting my energy. if I think I have a good chance I might stick around but I’m not chasing her harder

12. I would not date a woman that is fucking other guys.

13. Back off. Never think about her again.

14. I hate games I’d cut her loose

15. Hell to the no. Major turn off.

16. I’m not bothered if a girl is seeing other people if we’re not exclusive

17. Competing for a girl is never worth it. If she’s not devoting her time to one man kinda just time to pack it up

18. Turn the other way and RUN!

19. Fuck no. Super disrespectful of me. I’m not wasting time on someone who can’t even fully commit to a date.

20. Yeah there are three things I don’t share with other people.

    1: French fries
    2: my toothbrush
    3: pussy

21. Bye, bye.

22. If you’re dating someone then you’re dating them and you shouldn’t be dating other people. The whole concept of dating non-exclusively is baffling to me. Just seems like a way to justify cheating while putting the blame on to the victim if they get upset because “We’re not exclusive”.

23. If she’s not keen on me, that doesn’t make me more keen on her.

24. So I was Facebook friends with a single girl dating 3 men.

    One she wanted, who refused to be exclusive, and the other two were in the picture because her first choice wouldn’t commit.

    Eventually her main squeeze came around, and she stopped seeing the other two men. I asked her if her main guy knew about the other two. And she said he did not. But that it wasn’t cheating because they weren’t exclusive at the time

    However…. She made it a point to tell me she was “loyal” to her main guy, and never had sex with either of the other two guys… Only the one she wanted.

    So while I understand her logic, to a point, it still feels like the truth is that she was never emotionally available for the other guys to have a fair chance with.

25. Several people have said they’d continue dating other women. I think this is completely appropriate but it’s just not for me.

    Personally if I’m going to even begin going out with someone I’m not going to be seeing other people at the same time. Some people probably think that’s dumb but I think that if I were seeing multiple people at once it would feel like I’m playing them against each other, and I would never want someone to treat me that way.

26. Yeah that’s an instant turn off, So is playing ‘hard to get’ for that matter – We want someone who will take as much interest in us as we do in them. If your entertaining someone else that makes us feel like an option and there’s nothing attractive about that.

27. Dating multiple people at once is really messed up. I did so for about a week and a half, because I was told that was the norm and I was trying to adapt to being single for the first time in a decade and it was just… it’s unpleasant for someone who approaches dating seriously and with genuine intent.

    I would back off, because it’s not for me and, because if the other person is happy with that dynamic generally, they aren’t for me either.