Currently married but my spouse and I are considering an open marriage.
My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with and the idea or trying out something new with a new person is so exciting to me. I don’t know how to go about this whole thing though.
How should I go about searching for a FWB? Should I be open with them from the get go about the fact that I am married and just looking for sex?
I see it come up a lot on this sub that not all men are interested in making sure their partners are satisfied so how can I communicate this to a future FWB?
One of my particularity about having sex with someone is I want to make sure that they are clean or have showered. Is this a strange request to make? How do I communicate this need without sounding rude?
Thank you in advance!
2 comments
First: some people look for someone (stranger) to sleep with that they feel comfortable enough to start a FWB relationship with them. In those cases, whether you’re actually friends with that person or not isn’t that relevant. It’s more about an expectation that “this is someone I can reliably sleep with and that I have some basic level of trust in.”
Other people literally approach an existing friend. So it really comes down to if you have a preference and/or friends you think might be interested. Personally, in your situation, it may be less threatening to your either your husband or you to go with a stranger rather than someone who’s already in your social circle.
Finding that person isn’t really any different than finding anyone to sleep with: you can use basic dating/hook-up apps, finding someone via mutual interests/hobbies you have, etc.
> Should I be open with them from the get go about the fact that I am married and just looking for sex?
Yes. I don’t see any reason not to disclose this. At the very least, the people you sleep with should be aware if you’re sleeping with others and vice versa. There may be people who won’t be interested in sleeping with you if they now you’re married but there will also be those who’d only want to sleep with you knowing you’re married so it’s not like you have much to gain/lose either way.
As for your sexual satisfaction: before you actually sleep with someone, you should always go over basic ground rules around what’s on/off the menu and you can absolutely include “my orgasm is on the menu and that’s not negotiable.” And then *during* sex, you make sure to advocate for your own pleasure too.
This applies to all situations, not just FWB. We all are responsible for advocating for ourselves.
For your second question, that’s not unreasonable at all. I would recommend bringing it up early though, so they know it’s a preference you have in general, and not a hint that their hygiene is lacking.